Saturday, December 23, 2017

Prequel to a romance

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

I have been wanting to use the above disclaimer for a long time. I have noticed that people's minds start thinking up actual persons the minute they see this disclaimer. In no time, people start exclaiming names and arguments ensue. "Its Dhirubhai Ambani." "No no, its Kim Kardashian" "Are you crazy? Its that doctor fellow from friends." "It has to be Usain Bolt." These arguments are futile for the reality is that this is a work of fiction and any resemblance is a mere coincidence.

To say that she was taken unawares would be an understatement.   But I don't know how to state or overstate it and so you have to just accept that she was taken unawares. 

The end of the day meeting with some friendly visitors at office was looked at with mixed feelings. The friendliness of the visitors seemed interesting but the word meeting in the invitation had brought in the feeling of "not another meeting" into many minds. A few even expressed this feeling with the perfect groan and rolling of eyes. So the mood at the office through the day swayed from mild disinterest to mild interest.

The friendly visitors started arriving by lunch. As was suggested in the meeting invite, the visitors were friendly. They walked through the corridors smiling and mingling with anyone who was courteous enough to look at them. They asked annoyingly friendly questions and got back disinterested pleasant answers. Though most of the visitors seemed genuinely happy to be there, the hosts were getting tired of forced smile that they had stuck using Fevicol to their lips. Fortunately, the visitors could not identify the artificiality of the smiles. Unfortunately, the hosts were aware of the artificiality of the bonhomie and their disgust for each other grew steadily. Finally, the meeting commenced. If it had started any later than it had, many relationships would have been broken in the office.

She walked into the room and looked at the farther end of the hall. She found a vacant seat at the farthest of the farthest end of the room. She sat down and almost instantly started doodling in her pocket book (as she called it, though her dresses never had pockets and the book itself lay carelessly within her jolna). Her focus on the left swing of the seventeenth curve of her doodle was disturbed by someone attempting to sit on the chair beside hers. At this point, I am forced to divert your attention to questions that have been haunting me since I heard about this event. Why did the person choose that seat? Was it an incident or accident (I have wanted to use these two words in a single sentence since I heard Paul Simon say "There were incidents and accidents")?

The fine leftward swing of that seventeenth curve was disturbed. It went down; first to the right and almost immediately to the left prior to stopping with a dark dot. A silent curse formed in her head and started travelling to her vocal chords and tongue. It was at that moment, that her ear intercepted with a pleasant voice that said "Oh! I am sorry". She looked up and saw... Well! Its best to put it in her own words here. "The cutest face on Earth smiling at me." She smiled back and said "Iok!" She wanted to say "Its OK" but as is usually the case in such situations ts was not forthcoming. Subsequently, they talked a bit, about her doodle, she thinks but as her brain was completely focused on taking in details about him, the recording of words took the backseat.

At the end of the evening, we found her standing by a window staring blankly at the tree outside. She looked at us and said in a sad tone "He's gone and I don't even know his name." From the tit-bits she provided, one of us discovered his identity and provided his details. Instead of brightening, her face drooped further and she said with agony in her voice "Oh! He is three years younger". Instantly we stood up to the occasion by reminding her that younger and older do not matter. We provided excellent examples of Sachin Tendulkar and a famous singer, whose name eludes me now. But I am proud to say that it was my pointed question that put the thought to rest forever. "Are you planning to marry him?"

That evening, we received a picture of his in our group. As I am not a specialist at judging a guy's cuteness, the words "mmmm hmmmmm" came into my mind. I suppressed the words and sent back a boring "Nice" to the group. That word, fortunately, was lost in the gushes of praise from other quarters. She had sent a friend request on Facebook and it had been accepted. The big question in all our minds was so far so good but what next? Suggestions started flowing in - "Say Hi", "No, how are you?", "What! Just let him know it was good to meet him", "No, just tell him that you know his friend". The group finally settled on a response that consisted of "good to know him" and "knowing his friend". The response was sent and wait started. She checked the Facebook messenger and we checked the group. Thirty minutes passed, then forty, then fifty, then six... Eh! I mean an hour passed and no response. We were all offended and one of them even started commenting on the size of his nose. At that point the smartest person in the group spoke. "Change your profile picture and wait till the morning"

Next morning, they found her sitting under a tree outside the office. The expression on her face would have fitted on the mammoth that realized it was the last one on the face of the planet. The smartest person of the group asked "What happened? Did he respond?". In a matter of seconds, the mammoth expression changed into the one the last saber-tooth tiger would have had when it realized the animal in front was a snow leopard and not another saber-tooth tiger. She waved her mobile and said in a voice seething with anger "Here, have a look. What do you see?" "Hey! He has responded." responded the smart one with excitement in his voice. But she was in no mood to humour him or us. "Respond my foot! What is the one word you see through the message?" We crowded around the mobile and looked. We went through the messages and looked up in confusion. We saw the word livid written on her face as she shouted "Madam! You fools, madam. The fellow is only a couple of years younger than I but has the nerve to call me a madam. Not once or twice but in every goddamned sentence. Am I his English teacher for him to call me a madam? In which angle do I look like a madam? No, don't even think of answering that question." We looked at her speechless. The song "Aigiri nandini" was running in our heads.

The considerate one in our crowd took her in her arms and said "Hey! Don't lose your heart. We will work out something." The confident one came up and said "This is good news. He has started talking and you have to continue talking. He should realize that he is a mad man to call you madam. Madam and my dear are not too far apart. They nearly sound the same." She looked up, wiped a tear drop from the corner of her left eye and said with hope in her voice "Do you think so?".

Thus, began a love story.

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