That morning, he decided to go for a walk around his complex. The morning was bright and yet cool. He had slept well the previous and he looked at the world pleasantly. He got out of the building and almost immediately noticed the group of monkeys sitting on the parapet walls of the first floor balconies. One of the older monkeys was sipping from a bottle of Limca. The first floor balconies were longer than the ones on the other floor and provided a lot more space for the monkeys to play around. Some of the residents of the first floor covered the whole balcony with net. The younger monkeys frolicked on them like children on trampolines. Somedays, the monkeys were fortunate enough to find an open window in one of the apartments. They took advantage of the situation by raiding the kitchen for food. That morning was one such fortunate morning. The monkeys started the morning with the bottle of Limca. Next, he saw one of them trying to rip open an unopened cover of maida. A little later, he saw the floor beneath littered with the packet of maida, an empty and torn tetra pack of cream, an empty case of eggs and other food items. He looked at the monkeys and littered ground worriedly. He hoped he had closed all the windows in his apartment.
He noticed the truck when it was a few metres from his car. The path was narrow but there was enough space for the truck and the car to cross each other comfortably. As the truck came closer, he noticed the name written on top of the truck. It had two words; the first was 'THE' and the second 'MALATHA'. He felt stumped. He did not understand what Malatha stood for. He had never heard the word and it did not seem like a name. So why had the owner of the truck written 'THE MALATHA' on the truck. He looked at the truck again and immediately realized the error that he had committed; there was no 'T'. The name of the truck was "HEMALATHA".
It happened to him again. He saw a set of labourers walking on the side of the road. One of them was wearing a sports t-shirt with his name and number written on its back. The name had two parts. The second one was 'RAM' and the first one was 'RUN'. He felt stumped, again. Run did not seem like a name. Could it mean that he is a runner and that "RUN RAM" probably meant Ram who is taking part in the running competition. By this time, his car had gone much ahead and he could no longer see the person. He thought the name would remain a mystery. At that point, he remembered a detail that he had noted earlier. The t-shirt had a fold just before the 'R' of 'RUN'. That meant that there could have been a letter that was hidden in the fold. He thought for a moment and realized the letter ahead of the 'R' must be 'A'. The name of the t-shirt must be 'ARUN RAM'
As he walked down the corridor, he saw his colleague walk up to him. She stopped him and said "I have a new one for you. A Malayalee one." She continued, "A Malayalee named Avocado had two sons, one his favourite and the other estranged. Their names Guacamole and Guaca-no-mole." He brought an amused expression on to his face. But before he could say anything, she continued "Later Guaco-no-mole returned. It was a teary reunion. Mushy affair, since he became a Guacamole again." He laughed and said "Good one. Its original. But one correction." She looked at him enquiringly. He continued "It should be two daughters and not two sons. In Malayalam, daughters are referred to as molé and sons as moné." She felt embarrassed and said "Oh really! I thought otherwise." He nodded his head. He thought for a moment and said "That gave me a thought. "What did mom tell me when I tried to grab the avocado that she had bought for the guests?" She shrugged her shoulders and asked "What?" He responded, "Aa avocado, avarcado!" She smiled at him and said "Woah!"
He did not let go of the discussion there. He asked "Have you heard the famous birthday questions?" She said "No, what are they?" He said "I will tell you a few."
"1. If you travel by a sleeper coach on your birthday, what will your birthday become?"
"What?"
"It becomes your berthday."
"2. If you win a lottery on your birthday, what will your birthday become?
"What?"
"It becomes a worthday."
"3. If you run out of money on your birthday, what will your birthday become?
"What?"
"It becomes a dirthday."
"Enough! I gotta go!"
He walked a little ahead and sat on a chair. He watched an ant walking on a ledge for sometime. The ant was one of bigger ones. He let his eyes wander away from the ant and looked down at the floor by the end of ledge. Before he could move his eyes off the spot on the floor, he saw the ant fall at the spot on the floor. It took him a moment to realize that he had never seen an ant fall. He thought they walked on all surface regardless of its orientation to the earth. But this ant fell from an height. It must have reached the end of the ledge and instead of holding on to the sides of the ledge just walked off it and fell. He wished life had a rewind button so that he could go back and see how that happened. Now, he could only guess. He looked down at the ant. It walked around unsteadily as though someone had plonked its head. The behaviour of the ant did not surprise him; it had fallen from height many times its own. Had it been a human, he/she would have been killed instantly. The ant continued to walk unsteadily. It was going around in circle as though it had lost its compass. After a few seconds, he realized it was time for him to get back to his room. He got up and walked away.
As he walked into the room, he found the amusing one recounting an incident. The narration was nearing its end. As he reached the group, the group burst into laughing. They laughed for nearly a minute. He did not know the reason for the laugh and looked at each member of the group. When he ran out of patience, he asked the narrator "Hey, tell me what happened?” A few members of the group egged the narrator “Yes, yes, tell him too". A proud smile appeared on the narrator's face, and he said thus.
"It happened a week back. I reached home late from work and slept only for a few hours. I had that damned status meeting that day. The mornings of the status meeting are always the worst. I mean I hate status meetings. Why do they exist? What is the point of getting to know if something is getting delayed when help can't be provided to get the work done. I mean..." His narration was interrupted by clearing of the hearer's throat. He looked at the hearer and continued "I am digressing. Anyway, I felt groggy that morning. Usually, I get out of the bed as soon as I wake up but, on that day, I stayed on the bed for nearly five minutes. I got up and walked unsteadily to the bathroom. Enroute, I picked the toothpaste from the table. In the bathroom, I picked the toothbrush and placed some paste on it. I gargled water, spit it and started brushing the teeth. Almost immediately I saw that there were two tubes of toothpaste on the counter. I felt worried. I thought the sleeplessness had resulted in double vision. But I realized there was nothing wrong with my vision when I could only see one liquid soap dispenser. I concluded that there were two toothpaste tubes. There was something wrong; I was sure I only had one tube of toothpaste and not two. At that moment, I realized that the toothpaste in my mouth did not taste like my usual toothpaste. Soon, I realized that the toothpaste did not taste like toothpaste at all. I reached out to the new tube of toothpaste and read its label. It was a mosquito repellent cream. I realized then that I had picked the mosquito repellant cream from table besides the bed. I spit out the content of my mouth and washed it away immediately. But the smell of the repellent cream did not subside. Even now my mouth smells of it. Not even the flavours of biriyani reduce the smell. The only advantage is that I no longer have to apply the mosquito repellent every day. The mosquitoes keep away from me.”
As soon as it was revealed that he had used the mosquito repellent cream instead of the toothpaste everyone burst into laughter except for the person for whom the story was narrated second. He smiled and at the end of the narration, he laughed and said, “Not just the mosquitos, even your wife must be keeping away from you.” The group went silent, and everyone looked at him. He looked down at his watch, got up saying “Oh! Its time for the status meeting. Let’s go.”
At the end of the meeting, he heard two of his colleagues speak to each other.
"I think this meeting requires subtitles. I don't understand half the things being said."
"Even with subtitles I am not sure if I have will understand."
"Yeah! Its like the subtitles I saw in a malayalam movie."
"What was it?"
"I will not explain the situation but at one point in the movie one guy tells another 'Aaru endu thannalum eduthu kaiyil pidicholanam' The subtitle simply said 'Why did you take the gun?' Seriously! The whole essence of the Malayalam line is lost."
"I don't understand Malayalee. Can you translate it in Hindi?"
"Never mind!"
That evening he found himself in a party, not a political party but a get together. He was invited by a friend and he knew no one other than his friend at the party. The party took place around a bonfire. The evening was cold and he found the warmth of the fire welcoming. He sat on a chair besides the fire and watched the burning embers. His friend was talking to a small group of men. They were talking about the roads and traffic in the area. This topic usually interested him but he did not know or care about the area being discussed and so kept away from it. Besides he did not know these men and was not really interested to adding them to list the of people who could come back many months later and ask him "Don't you remember me?" He felt happy to watch the fire and take videos of it in slow motion. The only other point of interest in the party for him was the food. He had seen large covers with 'Meghna' written on them placed on a table close by. Meghna biriyani was popular and he was looking forward to taste it. His primary intent to attend a party was food. From his point of view, parties should only consist of the following steps.
1. People reach party.
2. Say "hello, how are you to each other?"
3. Eat food.
4. While not chewing the food, talk on topics that don't involve politics, education system, philosophy, dead people, dying people, recipes, … Damn, the list is long. Forget it. Don't talk, just chew food. Maybe listen to music playing on the background. No, no, strike that one off too. Music in the party is never in the background and regardless which party he attended, with or without DJ, the playlist was crap.
4. (Note: the previous point numbered 4 is struck off and so does not exist though you think it exists. Its Maya, not be misunderstood to be name of a girl or woman. This is the Maya that exists in Philosophy.
4. Ok! The previous point 4 is not a point at all; it is just a clarification. This point 4 is not a point either. The next one is the actual point 4.
4. Wash your hands, say goodbye and leave.
Clearly the organizers of the party did not agree with the above-mentioned list. They let the 'Meghna biriyani', stay untouched on the tables and continued talking. Suddenly, the party moved from being uninteresting to being unpleasant. One of the men left the group of men talking about traffic. He walked close to the bonfire and announced in a loud and jolly voice "Come on, come on. Gather around the fire. Its time for games." The word 'games' shocked him. He nearly fell out of the chair into the fire but fortunately for him he held on to the sides of the chair and the bonfire didnot become his funeral pyre. He hated party games. Unfortunately for him, he was in the minority and everyone gathered around the fire immediately. The man announced "we will start with a quiz. I have a few questions here. The children get the first chance to answer. If they don't answer then the adults can. The children will get a chocolate for the correct answer. Adults don't get anything other than a round of applause." The children seemed to like everything mentioned and shouted "yaaay". The man asked the questions. Actually, they were riddles.
He took out his mobile and started looking through reels. None of the questions interested him. The only point that interested him was the Melody chocolates that was being distributed as prize.
The quiz went on for 30 minutes. At the end of it, the self declared master of ceremony asked "what next?" Someone suggested "passing the parcel". He looked up from the phone shocked. Of all the party games this was the worst. The person with parcel will be asked to do something and this something could be anything but he was only interested in doing nothing. The game was a big problem. The MC asked "so what should people with the parcel do?" One of the kids suggested "dance". Once again he nearly fell out of his chair. Of all the somethings, dancing was the worst. He hated dancing. He never understood human obsession with dancing. He started pushing back his chair in an attempt to move out of the circle when one of the women protested by shouting "no dancing". The other women agreed. He looked at the women with respect in his eyes. Soon the game was dropped. No one knew what was to be done. The MC suggested "housie". He felt relieved. He loved housie aka. bingo. He can be a non participating participant in the game. Unfortunately, the children protested. They already had too many numbers in their lives and wanted none in the party. Finally, someone suggested the most acceptable party game, Dumb Charades. He was not very happy about the game but he knew that people loved the game and so he will never be called to act.
Controversy struck at the beginning of the game. A few members of the party whose nativity lay in the north side of our country demanded "only Hindi movies". But members from the southern side of the country protested "we don't know Hindi movies". The protest was counter protested with "but we don't know any South movies". Finally, the MC reached a compromise. "English or Hindi movies only. Show thumbs up to show English and thumbs down for Hindi". The teams were then split into two by drawing a diamater of the circle. The resulting teams were gender skewed. One team had women and children and the other team had men and children. The women protested "We don't watch as many movies as all of you." But they did not hold on to their protest and the game started. The children were the first to come on and act. Movie names were given, the actors acted it out and the guesses took place. Though all the movies were guessed by the two teams, the team with men had the edge. They guessed the movie names faster. The team with women got frustrated and decided to give a really hard name. One of the women, took out a mobile and searched for something. They found a movie that no one had heard. When they said they had the movie name with them, a man walked over and looked at the movie name. He had never heard of the movie either and wondered how to act it. He decided he will just act out each word.
All this while, the odd one out of the party was observing the game. He did not take part in it nor did he guess the names but he observed it like a disinterested member of the audience. For the current movie too, he looked at the man act it is an English movie with five words. The man then acted out the first word by crossing his hands. Everyone else in the team said "No". He got a vague feeling that he knew the movie name but he kept quiet and continued to observe. The man then acted out the fourth word by pointing at an old lady. Everyone else in the team shouted "old". With this guess the vagueness of the movie name disappeared for him. He felt a thrill run through him and he shouted "No country for old men". The man who was acting jumped around in joy, shouting "yes" and gave him a high five. The women in the opposing team were stunned. One of them asked "How do you know this movie?" He responded "I have seen this movie. Its a Coen Brothers movie." She did not care for his comment. She shook her head and walked off. He realized his mistake as he had become a mini-celebrity of one half of the party. He quickly dialed his friend's number on his mobile phone, placed it over his ears and walked away.
