Scccrreeeeeaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmm

I am in love with disclaimers. I have already used them twice in the past few days. Here, I use it for the third time. Though the other times, I used it as a tool for humour, in this case, the disclaimer is a necessity. So here it goes.

The following write-up is written by a person drowning in anger and the author, having last control of his senses and fingers, resorts to the usage of expletives. Unfortunately, at some point in his miserable life the author has been injected with a small dose of grace. Hence he uses only one or two letters from the curse and these appear capitalized in the text below. When necessary, he has added 's' and 'ing' right behind the letter and has not bothered to use the ridiculous practice of using hyphens. As ever, reader discretion advised.

I am angry and there is no better place to let it out than here. Unfortunately, I live in a society where exposing raw feelings is considered shocking and people shun you and say all kinds of S to and about you. So I write here. But I am not going to get into the point directly. I feel like meandering. This write-up exists primarily due to the following two songs. They opened up many wounds that don't heal but lay hidden under the make-up (F, I used the hyphen) called humour, happiness, glee and all such S.

One week of struggling

On the real world is

So you can see!

Feel your soul and,

Shape your mind to warfare

It's all for real

Live your life

Not the way they taught you

Do what you feel!

Survive the jungle

Give me blood

Give me pain

These scars won't heal

What were you thinking

What a wonderful world!

You're full of shit

Leave it behind

They don't care if you cry

All is left is pain

Can you take it?

The only way

To get away

Kill your pride

Attitude

I won't take it

So in the end

I want to see some respect

You better show some respect

Attitude and respect

The Cavelera era Sepultura made some of greatest angry songs. I first heard their album Roots and though was initially shocked by it, got to love them. This song from the album is filled with attitude and I simply love the beginning and the end of the song. This song is enough to stoke the underlying anger in anyone.

King's X resides at the other end of the spectrum from Sepultura. I will copy and paste the reason for my loving this song from an earlier write-up (Hypen Fing hypen).

"I discovered Kings'X late but since then they have become a favorite of mine. There is not a single song in their collection that does not sound good. Their live albums are spectacular too. Doug Pinnick's passionate voice and rants lifts many of these songs to a different level. The musicianship and singing, needless to say, are spectacular.

The song here, Believe, is on such live rendition. I was listening to the version from their album "Live All Over the Place" has these interesting lines from Doug.

You see when I grew up, I grew up in the church and they told me to believe in God. They said believe in Jesus. 

And other people told me to believe in Krishna. Somebody else said believe in Budda. 

Then they said the Indian religion, then they said in the President of United States.

They said believe in the United States of America. They said believe in everybody but myself.

I want to tell you people if you don't believe in yourself you ain't got shit to believe in.

Believe in yourself.

and so on."

Oh yes, I am done with the Fing meandering. If you have made it this far, you should able to get right till the end of this S. Though on reading what I have written below, I believe I should warn you that it is quite insane and might make you wonder "what the F is he saying?"

I am amazed at the number of people I meet who are in control of their Fing lives. They know what they are doing; they have clear idea where they are going; they are working towards their bloody five year and lifetime goals (I don't consider bloody a swear word; its just a word with a lot of blood in it). Now, that per se is not an issue. The Fers even know how I should live my life and are busy telling me to be this S or that S and about doing this S or that S. What the hell! You don't even really know what you are doing. You only think you know what you are doing and so stop being over confident and look at your own Fing lives. To illustrate, let me give you an example.

September 2016, one guy was slogging his Bs off for a company. He is ready to give sweat, blood and piss for the company. Its his life, his passion and his Mona Lisa. One year later (, which is September 2017 in case you couldn't decipher) he barely cares for the company.  He finds it difficult to even visit the office once a month though he had promised to visit it at least once a week. He has moved onto something and is not even sure if the S he has moved on to is his passion or not. I hope you all realize the Fer I am talking is me. 

So I declare publicly, I have no idea what I am doing with my life. There was a brief period, when I thought I knew, what I was doing. But then the bubble burst and I was back to the "What the F am I doing?" phase. I am not ashamed of it. Actually, I am proud of it and say it with pride. This I believe has been my greatest strength. I am unsure of where I am going and so whenever I move, I make progress. I don't care if it is the Fing east or west. I have to move. As I have heard in some song, all I have to tell myself is "Move MF move".

So where is the problem? Why the F am I angry? I live a Fup society where exposing a chink in one's armour is exploited by many Fers. They love to live in their Fing high pedestals and correct you. They love to "tchk tchk" you and shake their Fing heads with Fup concern displayed on their MFing faces. Most times, you quietly laugh and mock the poor MFers. But sometimes, this hypocrisy gets on your nerve and you want to shower the choicest abuses at the Bs. But being cultured and refined, I have to keep my Fing mouth shut and smile. "Smile MF smile!"

You don't have to declare you insecurities but at least look at the Fing mirror and find it out for yourselves. This will at least help when something does not go your way. You will realize that every time something worked, you were lucky. You are not where you are due to your being a Fing genius. That at the very least will keep you grounded.

One more point prior to my ending this masterpiece. Can you Fing forget and ignore all those philosophers and their Fup philosophies? Those MFs were as lost as we are. So please don't mess up your messed up life by making a meaning out of all the S they ejaculated.

PS: I added a postscript to this write-up. For ease of access, I have named it, quite unimaginatively in my opinion, as "Postscript to Scccrreeeeeaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmm"