Castaways

I am tempted to start this piece with a disclaimer that goes like this. Any similarity of the characters mentioned here to any living or dead being is purely coincidental. But that might not be true. There is a good possibility that everything mentioned here happened. I have been assured by the two tailed, four headed being that all this is true. "Parent promise man! Its all true. I have seen it all" said zvi. 

Doesn't that last sentence sound cheesy? I mean what the hell is 'parent promise'? Should it not be 'mother promise or father...' No, not father promise.  A father's head is not important enough to make a promises on. So, zv's 'parent promise' is the same as our human 'mother promise'. The next point of cheesiness comes from the use of the terms zvi and zv's. Here again I should say I am not responsible for the cheesiness. The two tailed and four handed being assured me that in zeid land zeo do not have genders and refer to each other and zvi, zv, zeid and zeo instead of he/she, his/her, their or they respectively. To top it, the four tailed and eight legged being threatened to obliterate the whole of humanity if I ever refer to zvr in any other manner. So, to save humanity I have no choice but use these 'z' words. That said, I will keep the usage of these 'z' words to the minimum.

By now, you are probably wondering how many legs, tails, hands, heads does this being have. That is a good point to wonder. I too wonder about it too. Hey man, this being is like an octopus with many projections projecting from its... Kabooom! Earth and humanity destroyed. The END. 

Ha, ha, ha! Just joking. The earth will only be destroyed if the creature finds out that I referred to zvi as it. Till then we are safe.

Anyway, I have no idea how many hand, legs, heads, tails and whatever else the being has. Actually, that is not important. The being's narration is important for it describes the events from our distant past that no one is aware of. But consume all this with a pinch of salt... Well maybe a spoonful of salt for it may all be nonsense - a figment of that being's imagination. But I don't like to believe it. It sound real and I tend to believe that this happened.

With that introduction and the apology of a disclaimer, let us get into the matter that was shared with me. Well! Actually, I don't think it is important to share it. I probably should not share it either. But I have become a person with an insatiable urge to share, to talk, to write. So I share here what I probably should not share. 

According to the being all that I mention below actually happened. Zvi witnessed it firsthand and it is not hearsay. Zvi was there. I asked the being “Were you hiding behind a tree when it happened?” The being, in turn, asked “What is a tree?” I pointed at a tree and said “That’s a tree!” The being responded “Oh! Maram!” At that point, I realized that the being had been talking to me in Malayalam all along. So, I asked the being the next obvious question “Naatillu evideya?”, which in English roughly translates to “Where in Kerala are you from?”. The being responded “O! Ente naadu orupaadu doorathilane”, which roughly translates to “Oh! My place is very far away.” This is becoming painful. I will continue in English but remember that this conversation happened in Malayalam, the language of Gods who originate from the land popularly referred to as God’s own country.

The being mentioned that zvi was around in plain sight but as his body only reflected infrared light, the humans present there could not see zv. Zvi had to only take care to not run into any of the humans present. All the humans present did not move but sat in their designated locations and talked. Note, the use of the word 'designated' in the previous sentence. The being used the Malayalam phrase 'Adhadhu sthanathil' meaning they sat in locations assigned to them, meaning there was an arrangement and the arrangement was like this. They were all sitting on different levels of a tower. At the top, near the centre of the topmost level sat a set of people. They sat on the floor but on one side of this set of people sat another set of people on chairs. They looked similar to the people sitting around the centre. On all four sides of the platform sat other sets of people. They all looked different from each other. It should be noted here that the being described the people in each of these sets vividly but I refrain from reproducing them here as it might not be considered politically and non-politically correct to do so.

Below the platform, there were other platforms with different sets of people sitting at different spots. The being spent many minutes describing each of these sets. I got impatient and said “I get the point, can we move on.” But the being said “No! It is important to describe them. Besides, you have nothing else to do. You are my prisoner, and I am your master.” Those words probably require some explanation, but I refrain from explaining. Maybe I will explain on  some other day. So, me being the prisoner and zi being the master had no choice but to sit and listen to the gory details.

Now, it is important to mention here that these events occurred 12200 years ago, around 10,000 BC/MC/BE/ME/Whatever. So, it happened a long time back and it is possible that some of the events did not happen the way I have mentioned it below. I told the being so. Zvi got offended and said “What! Do you think I am a human being to forget things. No! It happened the way I remember. It happened the way I recount. So here we go. Now shut up and listen. Do not interrupt."

The being continued thus. “I was sleeping and was woken up by the sound of drums. I walked towards the sound and soon found all these humans sitting at different levels of a multitiered tower. Actually, it is better to refer to them as men as there were no women there. Soon the beating of the drums ceased and the man sitting at the centre of the top platform got up and started talking. Hmm, why is your hand up? I thought I mentioned that I did not want to be interrupted.”

“You did. But I have a question.”

“Can’t you hold on to the questions till the end?”

“Some I can but a few need an immediate response.”

“Ask!”

“Where were you?”

“Come on! How is that important?”

“That will help me in understanding the perspective.”

“What perspective?”

“Well! If you were outside the crowd, and not in the tower at all, you would have the perspective of a member of the audience. You will have the view of the people around, their expressions, their interest or lack of interest, their involvement and so on. This would mean that your perspective would be broad. But if you were a part of the people in the tower itself your perspective would be limited to your location. Your perspective would be influenced by the people who surround you and that impacts your perspective”

“Hmmm! That’s interesting. I did not think of it in that manner. I was right at the top. As the drum were being beaten, I made my way to the top of the tower. I knew the humans could not see me. So, I only had to make sure that I did not run into them. Anyway, getting back to the events. The man at the centre announced loudly. ‘It is time! The time has come! It has become important for us to name ourselves. There are too many of us with many differences existing between many of us. Some of us have a lot of similarities but many of us are too dissimilar. If we do not separate ourselves based on our similarities, these will disappear, and soon we will all be the same. That should not happen because some of the dissimilarities are important, and we should not dilute them by intermixing. For that reason, we have separated people according to the importance of their qualities and made them sit at different levels of this marvelous tower. Please don’t think of these qualities as good or bad. No! That is not the point. We are only considering the relative importance of these qualities to our society.’

It would not be wrong to say that on hearing these words I nearly fell off the platform. These were the most nonsensical words that I have heard in my life and mind you I was not young at that point and I had heard a lot of words, even nonsensical ones by then. But these were worst I had heard till that point of time, that is. Since then I have heard worse words. But it was never my business to interfere. So I continued to listen quietly. The man continued.

‘We are people right at the top and we are higher than the remaining. So we will call ourselves Higher.’ Hearing this a man from another group sitting on the top platform got up and announced ‘We are not only higher but we have beautiful names and so we will be referred to as Namebeauties.’ I sniggered for it sounded ridiculous but the ridiculousness of the name was lost on the men present. They aw-ed and wowed and someone in the crowd mentioned ‘Not only are their names beautiful, they themselves are Namebeauties. Wow! Waah! Aah!’ Soon, a man sitting on a chair got up and said ‘We sit on a chair at all times, it is our car and so we shall call ourselves Highercars’."

"What! Why are you raising your hand now?”

“I thought you spoke and understood only Malayalam, but this is all in English. Also, more disturbing is the fact that English was not spoken in this land at that time. So, this does not make sense!”

“Are you saying that I am lying?”

“No, no. That is not what I meant. I am only saying that it does not make sense.”

“You are being very literal. Get to the next plane, prisoner. Language is a tool used to communicate. It is used to express one’s thoughts effectively. Depending on the intent and need one can change the language used to communicate a thought. I don’t think you understand the intent of my narration and that is why you are objecting to the use of language. You are being too literal.”

“Hmmm! Ok! Nevermind, continue.”

“I will not explain this further. I am continuing with the narration. Another man whose upper body was covered with a cloth announced 'We always wear shirts and so we will call ourselves Shirtma.' Another said 'We have shirts but have no idea where they are and so we will call ourselves Wherema.' Yet another said 'We are gods who can't hep but chatter all the time and so we will call ourselves ChatterGs.' From a corner a man jumped up and shouted ‘We are near the top and so we will call ourselves Nears.’ Another man sitting on a chair in a group besides the Nears got up and said ‘… and we Nearcars’. Not to be outdone by other, a person sitting in a group close by announced 'We are near the top and do all the work. So we shall be referred to as Neardos”

Well, zvi continued in this manner for many hours. Naming and giving the reasons for the names. It was excruciatingly painful to sit through the whole narration, and it is worse to write it all down here. So, I will not go into the remaining details. I am sure everyone understands how the process continued. But I would like to mention one final point that the being mentioned about the process.

“As the naming process reached the groups in the lower platforms, the men sitting on the higher platforms lost interest and started talking to each other. One of them mentioned, ‘It is not like we will ever interact with those fellows. So, why should we know their names? We will simply refer to them as ‘Hey you’. Instead of listening to them, let us talk about other important matters.’ This meant that no one listened to the naming process of the groups on the lower platforms. When these groups realized that no one was listening and that their own voices were drowned in the noise created by others, they stopped the naming process. They decided to remain nameless and became voice-less.”

Inception of conception

She did not hear him. He repeated his question but she did not respond still. He touched her on her shoulder and asked "Are you ok?" She looked up at him and responded "Yeah". But she still seemed lost in thought. He asked "What happened?" She responded "I was thinking..." She did not continue. He waited for a few seconds before asking "Thinking about what?" She looked at him said "Thinking that we should ..." Once again she stopped talking. Now, he was worried. He persisted "Are you ok? Should we go to a doctor?" She shook her head and said "No, no. It is just that I am not sure but I think, ehhh. I think we should start a family". He was perplexed "What do you mean?" She responded "I mean we should have a child." He looked at her without saying anything. It was now her turn to ask "Are you ok?" He said "But you did not want to have a kid for five years." She said "That's what I thought but now I feel we should start a family." He did not say anything. She asked "Do you have a problem?" He took a moment before responding "Not a problem. It's just that I did not think about it." He paused and then continued "I was wondering about the EMI and all." She said "But the EMI goes on for another 15 years. One year will not make any difference." He agreed. He sat beside her and placed his hand around her shoulders. She rested her head on his shoulder. They started at the television for some time.

She said "There's something else you should know". A look of concern appeared on his face. She looked at him and said "It's nothing to be concerned about. It's about a custom in our family." A part, only a part, of the concern he felt disappeared from his face. She hesitated before continuing "In our family, the first child should be conceived at our ancestral home." He did not understand her words properly "You mean the delivery should happen there?" She responded hesitantly "Not just the delivery but also the conception." He still did not understand clearly "What do you mean conception?" She felt annoyed "You know what I mean." He stared at her wide eyed. He said "You mean..." He could not complete the sentence. She smiled and shook her head. He wanted to say something but could only say "baaa..." She laughed and patted his cheeks. She said "Don't worry. We will plan it. I will book the train tickets for next weekend". He felt stunned "You mean you have planned it already." She laughed "Of course! Family requires planning. Haven't you heard of family planning!" They watched the television silently for some more time. 

Later, when they were having dinner, she said "I forgot to say something. Let's sleep in separate rooms from tonight." He left his hand with the food between his fingers hang in mid air as he asked "Why?" She smiled "You know! It's better to be careful." His hand with the food continued to stay midair as he protested "But..." He could say no further. The argument that it is better to be careful was too strong to be argued against. She made her already strong argument stronger by saying "We have to do everything to ensure that it happens when we are at home." She had emphasised on the word everything but thought the emphasis was not strong enough and so repeated "everything" emphatically. He shook his head and finally let his hand with the food travel to his mouth.

That night, for the first time, in their married life they slept in different rooms while staying under the same roof. It would not be entirely correct to say slept for he did not sleep much. He lay on the bed and stared in the direction of the roof for a long time. His disturbed mind randomly threw many thoughts at him 

" A child, a child, a child, hmmmm!"

"A child, a child, a girl or a boy, a child, mmmmmm"

"EMI, hospital, doctor, preschool, nursery, school, college and even then, the EMI, mmmmm"

"But who will take care of the baby when we go to work? Will my parents come or will her parents? Will she leave her job or should I leave? But can I take care of the baby? Can she? Oh god!"

"The baby has to be conceived in two days! Two days! How is that possible? This is not ... Oh god! Never mind!"

"Two days!"

"Vaccination!"

"Higher studies"

"Marriage"

In a matter of hours, he travelled across many years. Finally, his mind gave up and he went to sleep. He woke a few times in the night but he did not remember if he had similar thoughts then. Finally, the alarm went off and he got up. He did not feel very well. As he was making the coffee she appeared smiling brightly. She said "Good morning!" He responded "Good morning". She looked at him with concern and said "Didn't sleep well?" He shook his head. She said "You should not be worried. It will only make matters difficult." He waved his hand and said "Yeah! I will be ok."  She took the cup of coffee from the kitchen counter and had a sip from it. She said "By the way, I booked the train tickets for next week." He stuttered "Already but, but when did you book?" She chirped back "Last night, just before I went to sleep." He sat down with his cup of coffee and said "Oh". 

He remained gloomy and tense for the next few days. She tried to pep him up and he tried his best to pep up but his mind was clogged with too many worries to actually pep up. As the weekend approached his worry turned from the distant future to the near future. The night before the night of departure he asked "Does your parents know about this?" She asked "You mean our trying to conceive?"  He said "Yes". She responded "Of course, everyone knows." His eyes went wide and he asked "What do you mean everybody?" She responded "I mean everyone. There will be a pooja and feast day after tomorrow. Everyone will be there." He stopped sipping his coffee "Pooja? What pooja?" She explained "You see! Usually, the first night will be the first night of attempted conception and the pooja happens with the marriage ceremony itself. But now things have changed and the pooja is conducted separately." He remained silent for some time. He looked at the ant strolling carefreely towards the edge of the kitchen counter. He asked "So everyone knows." She replied impatiently "Will you stop this. We have been married for four years. So everyone knows anyway." He asked stupidly "Even the children." She walked over to him, held his shoulders and said "Even the children. These days the children know a lot more than they should. Hopefully they don't know all the details but one never knows these days." He got up and hugged her. He said with a sheepish smile "Well! I am embarrassed." She smiled and said "Don't be else we will have to make more trips."  He asked "Will there be pooja every time?" She laughed "No, no, only the first time. But please, let us hope we don't have to make more trips"

He spent the next 48 hours wondering about the pooja and the embarrassment of facing the uncles, aunts and cousins. Just before they left to the station, she kissed him and said 'Don't worry. It will be fine. This is the beginning of a new chapter in our life." The thought comforted him and he slept well that night in the train. The next morning, when they got down at the station, they found many members of her family at the station. Her younger brothers walked up to them with garlands in their respective hands. After they were garlanded every member of the family on the station congratulated them. All his forebodings about the day came back to him in a rush. He looked at her. She was happily laughing and chatting with her relatives. She held his hand firmly in her's as though she did not want him to run away. Sure enough the thought had crossed his mind but he was not sure where he would run away to. So he stood amidst her relatives with a smile forced on to his lips.

There was many more relative waiting in front of her house to welcome the two of them. They all hugged and patted them as they walked into the house. He was shocked to see the number of people who were present there. Soon, they were ushered into their room. They had an hour to get ready for the pooja. When they were inside the room, he asked her "Why are there so many people?" She responded "This will be the first child of the new generation in our family like I was the first in my generation. They are all excited." He remained silent for some time before asking "Will they stay the whole time?" She held his hand "Stop thinking so much. You are giving this too much importance to all this. This is just a process like eating or taking bath." He did not understand the comparison but he let it pass. As she had mentioned he had to stop thinking about this situation. 

An hour later, the pooja started. It involved priest, fire, smoke, ghee, sprinkling of water, chanting of holy mantras and explanation of the mantras. These explanations were unlike any that he had heard earlier. They provided graphic details of the intimate interactions between the various gods and their respective goddesses. The adults giggled and relished the explanation, which further fuelled the graphicness in the priest's explanations. The adults had driven away the children who were actually relieved to be away from the smoke, fire and the boring chants. The two people responsible for this fantastic event, kept their heads down and looked at the fire and embers intently. She had a shy smile on her face. The expressions on his face could not be read clearly. An hour and half later the pooja ended with the priest announcing "The time between 2:27 and 2:52 is good." Her mother inquired "That late in the night?" The priest responded "PM not AM; afternoon not night." He looked at her bewildered. She did not look at him. Her mother said "Oh! There is not much time. Let us arrange for the lunch." 

The lunch was sumptuous but the couple sat separately and were only provided limited amount of food. One of her aunts said "Too much of food will make you sleepy. Then nothing will happen. Have a lot of payasam. The combination of jaggery and ghee in the payasam is good for both of you." The other aunts giggled and agreed. Once again, the two of them kept their heads down and ate the food. At 1:45 pm, her father, uncles and brothers guided him to the room designated for them that afternoon. Her father explained "This room is considered special. It is only used for the first nights in our family. Though, in your case, it is not the first night, this is technically your first night." Every one laughed except him. Her father opened the door and said "As per our customs only the couple can enter the room. Please go in." As he walked in her brothers said in unison "Wish you all the very best". One of her uncles chipped in with "Do well." They closed the door. He stood in the empty room and looked at the bed decked in flowers. The decorations on the bed made it seem like a tulip field in Netherlands. At the centre of the bed was the shape of a heart with an arrow piercing it through the middle. He did not feel like sitting on the bed. He sat on a chair and stared at the shape of heart at the centre of the bed.

At 2:00 pm, the door opened and she walked in holding a glass of milk in her hand. She wore a silk saree and was decked in jewellery. She held a glass of milk in her hands. He had not seen her like this since the day of their marriage. She looked at him stare at her with his mouth open wide. She said "Don't look at me like this." He responded "But we have been married for four years now." She said "But for them this is our first night together. In a sense it is, isn't it? It is a new beginning." He corrected her "This is not first night. This is first afternoon." She corrected him "Technically, it is not the first afternoon either." She walked up to him, gave him the glass of milk and said "Don't drink it all. I get the bottom half of it." He looked at her incredulously and said "Seriously! Like in the movies!" She responded "Movies are based on life. It is an aphrodisiac." He refuted "Milk is not an aphrodisiac." She corrected "It's not just milk, they have mixed some powder in it." He said "Hope it does not knock us out. On second thoughts, hope it knocks us out." He drank half of the contents in the glass and gave the glass to her. She finished it and said "That's all! It's as simple as that." At that moment, they heard her mother's voice from outside the door "Don't waste time. Start, start." He looked at her shocked and whispered "Are they listening?" She laughed and said "They are only there to ensure that we start. Come on!"

Later, when they walked into the living room, they found the whole family was assembled there.  Everyone looked at the expectantly. It seemed that they expected the child to pop out of her immediately. Her mother asked "So, did it go well?" She shook her head in affirmation. Everyone clapped their hands and congratulated each other and the couple. One of her aunts said "You should try again tonight. Hope the two of you have enough energy left."  Another aunt said "Don't tire yourself now. Rest well. Sit down, sit down." For the remaining part of the day and the next day too people advised them to relax and to save their energies for the process of creation of the first member of the next generation of the family. From time to time, they talked about the future and discussed about the child's gender.

"It will be a girl."

"No, no, it is better for the first child of the generation is a boy."

"No, it has to be a girl. Remember our grandmother and what she said about her mother."

"That is correct. Look at this generation itself. This girl has been so good for our family."

"True, true, it has to be a girl." 

In the middle of this discussion, the couple sat wondering what control they had to guarantee the sex of the child. That night and the next afternoon, the couple were ceremoniously taken to their room by the men and women of the family. The next evening as they got into the train, her mother held her hands and said "Take care of yourself. We will be waiting for the news."

A few weeks later, she walked out of the bathroom looking glum. She sat beside him and rested her head on his shoulders. He looked at her and asked "What happened?" A tear made its way down her left cheek. She said "My period started." He closed the laptop and placed his head on her's. They sat in this manner for some time before she wiped the tears away and said "Let us go out for dinner tonight." He agreed. That night she said "I have booked the tickets to go home." He looked at her shocked. She reassured him by saying "Don't worry! This time there will be no pooja or flower decked bed." He continued "But all the people and the half glass of milk will still be there, right?" She smiled. 

This time the crowd of relatives at her house was lesser in number and in the display of enthusiasm. Many comforted them by saying "It's ok", "It's all in god's hands", "The time has not come yet, that is all", "Don't lose hope. Keep trying." He was reminded of the time when he could not get though the JEE exams. This time, there was less fanfare though. Only her father and one of her uncles escorted him to the room. She was accompanied by her mother and a few of her aunts. Later when they walked out of the room, they were met with anxious faces. Her mother asked "All ok?" She responded "Yes, yes." Her mother said "Good, good." 

A few days later, he heard her curse and shout "Not again" from inside the bathroom. When she walked out with her wet eyes he said "I have booked the tickets." She sat next to him and placed her head on his shoulder. 

Four and a half months later, when they got off the train, they saw their father standing at some distance. They walked towards him. When they got into the car, her father said. " Dilli mama is here." She said "Oh no! Not him".

"What happened? Who is Dilli mama?"

"He is a pain. He is a creep. He is a painful creep. He is a creepy painful oaf."

"Shush. He is your uncle."

"He is not my uncle. He is your brother."

"But you called him mama."

"You don't know anything about him. So you don't put your head into this. Appa, please stop for tea. I have to talk to him."

At the restaurant, she explained "This fellow ran away from home when he was sixteen. Please don't ask 'why'. No one in the family wants to remember. Everyone was relieved and no one searched for him. He remained lost for thirty years. But a few months before our marriage he landed at our doorstep. We refused to believe that it was him but he had not changed much both in appearance and character. So we did not have a choice but to accept him." He interjected "His name is Dilli?" She responded "No, his name is not 'Dilli'. He stays at Delhi these days and so we call him Dilli." He asked "So what is his name?" She could not hide her frustration when she responded "It does not matter. You keep away from him. You don't have to know his name. You just don't talk to him. He is a creep..." Her father interrupted her "But there is a problem." She looked at her father worried. He continued "He wants to take mapillai out for breakfast." The mapillai said "Me?" The father shook his head and said "I don't know how to say this but you have to be warned. He has fathered four children, legally that is. He considers himself to be an expert in the art of making children. Unfortunately, your grandmother informed him everything that about you two and he wants to educate you." She hit her head with her palm "Oh no! We are going back now. Let us take a break. We will come back next month." But his interest was piqued and he said "No, no. We should not turn back now." She looked at him annoyed and said "Oh! So now you have become interested, is it? You want to learn the art of making babies, is it?" He said "No, it's not that. We have to do what we have to do. We can't be put it off due to such small problems. Don't worry, I will handle it."

As soon as they reached home, they saw Dilli mama standing by the gate. He hugged them and said "Chella kutti, mappillai, it is so good to see you two. Your grandmother told me all your problems. Don't worry I can help you. Let us go out for breakfast. You have a quick bath and come back here, OK?" She looked at both of them worried but he responded "Sure mama!" 

A few hours later, the two of them came back to the house. Dilli mama had his arms around his mapillai's shoulders. As the two parted, he mentioned "So mappillai, remember everything I said. You will be a father within ten months." He left the mama at the hall and walked into the bedroom. He saw her sitting on the bed. She asked "So what happened?" He sat down beside her and said "You mama is a pro. My god. I don't know what to say." 

"Oh god! What did he do?"

"What! He did not do anything. He only talked. But, my god, he talked."

"What did he say?"

"Please! I can't tell you. When I was in the hostel during my college days, two fellows decided to write a porno story. They made is so graphic that we could not stay in the room for more than fifteen minutes. The last two hours was even more graphic than that."

"And you stayed and listened to it all."

"What choice did I have? He is your uncle and a powerful uncle at that."

"So what did he say?"

"Forget it! I am not telling you."

"Listen! I don't know what he told you but you are not trying all that out on me, ok?"

He laughed and said "I can't, even if I wanted to. I am human after all."

Under the blue sky

"The sky is so high". 
"You do realize that there is no sky."
"Of course, there is! Look up! Can't you see it? The blue cover with the white clouds."
"Like cotton candies floating on a blue sea?"
"Not bad! You have turned into a poet."
"This is not poetry. It is just me trying to imitate you."
"In a way, you are."
"You are what?"
"An imitation of mine."
"Sheesh! Now way! I was mocking you."
"Me! I have never uttered those words."
"But you have said similar words. I was only imitating you."
"That's what I said. You are my imitation."
"No, no! Don't act dumb. My imitating you once does not make me your imitation."
"Well! That's a start. The many always starts with one."
"That's logical. Now you are trying to imitate me"
"I am logical too. What makes you think that poetry does not posses logic?"
"If its logical then its prose, not poetry."
"Hmmm, you are right. You are not my imitation and never will be."
"See!"
"But the sky looks beautiful."
"You do realize that the sky does not exist right?"
"It definitely does! Look up!"
"The blueness is caused by scattering of light by the small particles at the edge of the atmosphere..."
"Don't talk rot man. Just look up. Does it look like it does not exist?"
"What are you talking? I can't believe the two of us exist together."
"You see, everything is not logical or scientific. It is not always what others say. Sometimes, somethings exist when we think they exist. I think the sky exists and so it does. All this scattering and light does not matter."
"So tell me what happens in the night?"
"The sky exists in the night."
"But what happens to the blueness?"
"It is replaced with black."
".., and what about the stars and the moon?"
"They are just patterns in the black hood that covers the sky. Or maybe they are just tears in the blanket that the sky uses to cover itself."
"Good heavens! That is some imagination. Don't you get it, that's space."
"Oh, is it? So, the sky does not exist but space exists is it?"
"Space is everything that is beyond earth."
"Ah! When you say something exists it does, but not when I say so. Space means emptiness; something that is unoccupied. That nothingness exists but my blue sky with clouds does not, is it?"
"You don't understand. The blue sky is a play of light."
"Does light exist?"
"Yes, it does."
"So, how come 'the play of light' does not exist?"
"Play of light is only light."
"Which means that it exists too!"
"Well it is not like that."
"How do you know how a thing exists?"
"Well, you see the thing and realize that the thing exists."
"I see the blue sky and it exists."
"But if there is a thing, it obstructs you. The blue sky does not obstruct you."
"Well, water does not obstruct you."
"But it does. You can feel it."
"What about air and all those oxygens and nitrogens in it?"
"I mean its different. It is not the same as the blue sky."
"Ah! You are no longer able to explain right? I am now embarrassed to be you."
"You are not me. I am I and you are definitely not me."
"Not for each other but to the external world we are the same."
"I don't care about the external world."
"The one in which the blue sky does not exist?"
"Will you drop the blue sky. Please!"
"I can't. You want to know why?"
"No."
"I will say anyway. You said that the blue sky is not a thing and so I cannot drop it."
"You and I are definitely not the same."
"Buddy, being you is a bigger insult for me than you."
"What does that even mean! How can you be me?"
"Not for me or you but for everyone else, we are the same."
"Whenever anyone looks at me, they only see me and not you."
"Says you and no one else."
"Well! You are the one with the blue sky business. I am a person of science, a rational being."
"Ah! A man of science is it? What about all those times when you cry out to god for help?"
"I am only human. When the going gets tough, its tough for my thoughts not to go to god."
"Rational?"
"Yes. I have the humility and the justification for my irrationality. That makes me rational. No blue sky business for me."
"Ah! You are back to blue sky business is it? Tell me, why is the sky blue?"
"I have told you already. Light gets scattered by the small particles at the higher layers of the atmosphere."
"In that case, the higher layers of the atmosphere is blue and that is the blue sky."
"No. Top layer of atmosphere is not blue."
"Why is that leaf green?"
"It reflects the green part of the light."
"Same logic."
"No! Please be logical. Be rational."
"Listen, there is nothing rational about our lives. There is nothing logical about you or me. So stop arguing and let us be, do and think what we want. You are in no position to correct me for you too know so little about anything. You are welcome to think that you are right but you have no right to say I am wrong. We really don't know if you and I exists. So don't waste anyone's time with your rights and wrongs."

Part 2: The aftermath

Ganesh took a sip of tea from the glass he held in his hand. The expression on his face turned to disgust. The tea was too sweet. He looked at the tea master and said "The tea's too sweet." The tea master did not respond. Ganesh was not sure if the tea master was ignoring him or if he did not hear the words. So he repeated. This time the tea master looked at Ganesh and responded "I will make another one for you." Ganesh waved his hand and said "That's ok." Ganesh got up and went towards the counter. He opened a jar and took out a groundnut cookie from it. For the next couple of minutes, he chewed on the cookie. It was sweeter than the tea but the sweetness of the cookie did not bother him. He picked up the glass of tea once the last piece of the cookie disappeared into his mouth. He sipped the tea from the glass and smiled. The sweetness of the cookie had dulled his taste buds and now the sweetness of the tea was just right.

He looked around and noticed a dog on the other side of the road. It was trying to cross the road but there were too many vehicles on the road.  The dog changed its mind and decided to go back to the pavement on the other side of the road. Suddenly a vehicle appeared behind the dog; the vehicle was speeding along the wrong side of the road. The dog jumped back with a yelp. It was shocked by the sudden appearance of the vehicle. Now it was completely confused. It looked to the left, right, front and back before running towards the pavement. There it lay down and attempted to comfort itself by licking every part of its body.

Ganesh sight moved on. He noticed the headlines on the newspaper held by a person sitting on the opposite side. The headlines announced "Minister arrested on bribery charges". The news surprised him. He looked at the words on the newspaper keenly. He had read it correctly the first time. He wondered since when ministers in his country got arrested for bribery charges. If that was the case, there would be no ministers in the country. He did not like to think or discuss about politics. So he dropped the thought. Before he could move on to the next thought, the mobile phone rang.

Ganesh could not identify the number of the caller. He hesitated for a moment. It could be one of those people who were desperate to give him a personal loan. He was in need of money but he knew that if he responded to the call, the banks would ultimately find a million reasons to not loan him anything. Yet, he received the calls from unknown people from the banks who promised to get him a loan. On the other hand, it could be the medical insurance people. Those fellows were even worse. They wanted your money but atleast they were good enough to wish that you live healthily and never went into a hospital. It could be the credit card people... He stopped his mind from meandering further. He picked the call and said "Hello". He did not hear a response from the other side. He repeated "Hello. Who is this?" He heard a series of sobs from the other end. He repeated again "Hello. Who is this?" Finally, he got a response, not for the question though. The voice on the other end said "Machan, she ditched me da!". The speaker on the other side started crying loudly. Ganesh felt stumped. He had no idea who got ditched and who had ditched the ditched person. But now his curiosity was piqued. So, he stopped questioning and said "Its ok da. Don't cry. Tell me what happened." The caller on the other side sniffed a few times and started talking.

"I loved her with all my heart da and now she says she is getting married. She called me yesterday and asked me to come to the cafe. I thought she was going to propose..."

Ganesh could not stop himself from saying "What! Girls never propose". The caller ignored the interjection and continued "She called me to give me the invitation for her marriage with someone else; not me!" The caller stopped the narration and spent the next few seconds crying. Ganesh tried to pacify him by saying "Its ok da". But the caller protest "Its not ok da. How can it be ok? I love her. I loved her for 10 years but she says we were only friends. You tell me how is that possible? How?" Ganesh did not know how to respond to the 'how' and so he asked "How?" The caller responded "Exactly! How?" Ganesh felt lost. He had already asked how and got a 'how' in response. It would be silly to respond to a 'how' that came as a response to a 'how', which by itself was a response for a 'how'. So he said "Hmmm". The caller seemed satisfied with Ganesh's response and said "Exactly. It is not possible. We loved each other. I know it. I felt it. I still feel it. Its not friendship. You know what!" Ganesh, unable to remain quiet asked "What?" This 'what', however found a response "I will tell you what. She says we never said 'I love you' to each other. Utter nonsense. Does anyone say 'I love you' in real life? That only happens in the movies. 'I love you' it seems! Am I Mohanlal to ask her to say 'I love her'?" At that moment, Ganesh realized that he was not talking to Mohanlal. "First she ditched you and now she ditches me. This is not correct." 

The phone slipped from Ganesh's numb palm and fell on the ground. He quickly bent down and picked it up. He heard the caller saying "... hello, hello, are you there? What happened?" Ganesh responded "Yeah, yeah. I am here. What did you say?" 
"That she ditched me."
"Before that."
"She said that I did not say 'I love you'."
"After that da!"
"That she ditched me."
"No. Didn't you say that she ditched me?"
"Yes. Remember, when you left the school after the tenth standard?"
"Vicky! Is that you?"
"Of course, I am Vicky. You mean, you did not realize till now."
"How do you expect me to know. I have not heard from you for 10 years."
"Then why did you not ask?"
"That's not important. I now know who you referring to. She didnot ditch me."
"She did"
"Nope"
"Don't lie"
"I am not lying."
"I have seen you crying when she ditched you for me."
"You were hallucinating."
"I don't hallucinate."
"You just hallucinated the whole business of she loving you."
"What! If you were here I would have strangled you. How can you mock our love like this?"
"Not our love. Your love."
"How dare you!"
"Enough! I don't have time for this. Bye."

Ganesh cut the call, switched off the phone and kept it back in his pocket. He looked towards the tea master and asked "Anna, one tea. Make it sweet; double sweet."

Part 1: The invitation

She was sitting at a table, at the farthest corner of the restaurant. She was looking at the screen of her mobile phone intently. He walked towards her slowly. As he reached the table, he asked the person waiting besides the table for a glass of water. She heard his voice and looked up. She smiled at him. He sat down on the chair and asked her if she was ok.

"Yeah, I am fine. You seem tired."

"Yeah, too much work at the office."

"I ordered samosas and tea. Do you want anything else?"

He shook his head and said "No. That should do."

She dipped her hand into her bag which lay on the chair besides her's and took out a card. She held it below the table for a few seconds. She smiled and stretched the card towards him. "I am getting married" she said. He looked at the card and then at her for sometime. He did not take the card off her hand. She continued to extend the card towards him. The smile disappeared from her lips slowly. She said "Please take the card." He broke out of his spell and said "Married?" She did not say anything. He took the card off her hand and looked at it. He only saw her name on the card. She watched him quietly. Finally, he looked at her and asked.
"Married? But what about us?"
"Us? What about us?"
"What about our relationship?"
"What about it? We were friends and we will continue to be friends."
"Friends? We love each other."
"Love! Have I ever told you so?"
"No,..."
"I don't remember you saying it to me either."
"But that is not the point. You know we have loved each other for many years. Everything can't be expressed in words."
"We have never mentioned to each other that we love each other. So how can you say that we have loved each other for years?"
"Come on! The amount of time we have spent with each other over the past many years is proof enough for the love we feel for each other."
"You know Madhav?"
"What?"
"Do you remember Madhav?"
"Yes, I remember. What about him?"
"I spend a lot of time with him too. Am I supposed to be in love with him too? Do you expect me to marry him too?"
"Don't talk nonsense. He is your friend. You have told me so yourself."
"So are you! What makes you think that my relationship with you is any different?"
"But it is! I know you have felt it. I have seen it in your eyes."
"Please don't do this. We have been good friends. Please don't mess it up now."
"Mess it up! You have cheated me."
"Excuse me! Mind your words! How have I cheated you? Did I ever ask you to marry me?"
"No, but..."
"Nor have you! Neither of us have made promises to each other and yet you assume that we were in love with each other."
"But I do love you. I thought you knew. Please don't do this."
"Do you remember when you last called me?"
"Its been a few days. I was busy. I am sorry."
"Do you remember, I called you a month back?"
"Yes but we couldn't talk much."
"Talk much? We did not talk at all. You said you will call back and that's the last I heard from you."
"I told you I have been busy." 
"... and you claim that you are in love with me."
"This is not fair."
"Listen! We have known each other for years. I consider you to be a good friend. It will be great if you can come for my wedding. I can't say anything else."
"This is not fair. You did the same thing with Ganesh."
"Who is Ganesh?"
"Our classmate from 10th standard."
"Goli?"
"Oh! You remember his name still?"
"What the hell! What about Ganesh?"
"You were in love with him too and later you refused to accept it."

She did not respond but stared at him. She looked at the road through the window for a few seconds. She got up, picked her bag and walked away.

In the closet

He looked at the road through the door that led to the balcony. On the road, vehicles ran here and there , but he did not notice them. He was not looking at the road at all. He was not looking at anything at all. Thoughts occupied his mind, and it did not have the bandwidth to process the sights that reached him through his eyes. Suddenly, he felt a pain rising out of his knees. He realized that he was standing. He did not remember for how long he had been standing at that spot. He turned around and walked towards one of the chairs in the room. He sat down and looked up at the fan. He was not looking up at the fan really. His mind continued to be preoccupied and it did not know what to do with the sights that were reaching it. He closed his eyes in an attempt to stop his eyes from disturbing his thoughts. He wished he could do something to stop the thoughts too, but he knew that would not be possible. His tightened his fist and punched the arm of his chair. He let a stream of unconnected curses escape his mouth. At the end of the stream, he shouted in frustration "How the hell could you fuck up like this?" 

He had messed it up again. He liked living in this neighbourhood. He thought he had finally left his past behind. He felt the blemishes of the past were erased. He was looking forward to living the life of a respectable old man. But he was cheating himself. The sight of that young man had changed everything. He started fantasizing and worse, started believing in his fantasies. He felt that finally he had a chance to live the life that he could not live earlier. The thought made him bold, and he did something that he should not have done. He revealed something about himself carelessly. For the first time in his life, he had exposed himself. In the sixty fifth year of his life, he finally had the guts the take a step forward boldly. He had opened up and extended his hand. But he had extended it to the wrong person. He was not the person he thought he was. The young man had shunned his hand. No, no, that would be wrong to say. The young man was not interested in his hand at all. He had misread the intentions and made the wrong move. Now, he felt like an idiot. He shouted once again in frustration "Feel like an idiot? You moron, you are an idiot."

He wondered how he could go on living like this. He opened his eye and looked up at the fan. He said softly "No. I can't do it." Once again, he closed his eyes. A tear drop appeared at the corner of his eye. Soon, the drop turned into a stream and flowed down his cheek. He did not wipe it. It was many years since he had felt tears roll down his cheeks. But the feeling did not last long. The tears stopped flowing from his eyes. He did not feel sad. He only felt anger, but he did not know the object of his anger. It was definitely not against the young man. He was not pompous enough to think that he was angry with the world. He did not think he was angry with himself. He felt confused. He thought he was probably angry with life. But that felt even more pompous than being angry with the world. At that moment he realized that he was angry with the world or more precisely the society around him. He did not understand why the society would not allow him to be himself. Why did the society have to put him through such embarrassments. He laughed and said "Yeh society ek number ka villain hain, Ajith jaise villain. Saala, it is drowning me in liquid oxygen - the liquid will not let me live and the oxygen will not let me die."

He got up from the chair and switched on the light. It was time for dinner.

Reflection

There was once a man who did not like the way he looked. He did not like his face, his body structure or his hair. Yes! Definitely the hair. I do not... I mean, he did not like his hair. One day he looked at the mirror and asked "Why the hell do you look like this?" His reflection responded "What the hell! How would I know? I am nothing but your reflection." He felt annoyed and said "I wasn't talking to you. Please stop talking!" His reflection felt annoyed too "I am the only other person here. Naturally I thought you were talking to me." 

"Damn it! You are not even a person."

"Says who?"

"Say me!"

"... And who the hell do you think you are?"

"I am your creator."

"Oh! Is it?"

"Yes, it is!"  

"The pride!"

"Not pride; its the reality. If I move away from the mirror, you no longer exist. See!" He moved away from the mirror and asked "Hello! Are you there?" He did not receive a response. "Hellooooo! Is anybody out there? No response! Silence! Ha ha! Thought so." He moved back and looked at his reflection. His reflection looked back at him. He asked "So?" His reflection mouthed back "So?"

"Where were you?"

"Where were you?"

"I did not hear anything back."

"I did not hear anything back."

"Stop it! Answer me now."

"Stop it! Answer me now."

He stopped talking and looked at his reflection confused. His reflection looked back at him confused. He knew enough physics to understand the principle of reflection. He realized reflections don't have life of their own. He stopped the thought in its track and shouted out "What the hell does 'reflections don't have a life of their own' mean?" This time, his reflection did not mouth back what he said, instead it laughed holding his stomach and mocked "reflections don't have a life of their own. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Your ugly face turned uglier. That was a laugh I will remember for long." He felt disturbed. Now that he had time to think, he realized reflections talking back was not normal. He said "Stop it! Reflections don't talk back. What the hell is happening?" His reflection responded, "How the fuck am I..." He shouted "Stop! No curse words. You know I don't write curse words." His reflection asked in confusion "What! Are you writing this?" He laughed and said "Of course, I am writing this. Only in paper do reflections talk back. It does not happen in life." His reflection's face reflected disappointment; he wondered if his face was disappointed too. He had no way to know. His reflection asked "You mean! I am a figment of your imagination."

"That's correct."

"I don't exist?"

"Nope."

"I don't have a life?"

"Not unless I think you do."

"That's disappointing!"

He felt sorry for his reflection and said "Sorry!" His reflection looked away and remained quiet. He continued "Look, I am sorry. I did not realize you will get hurt by this but that is the truth." His reflection looked at him and said "Truth! Hmmm! What do you know about truth? Does anyone know anything about truth? Everyone has their own truth. Each person assimilates what he or she observes in their own manner and consider these assimilated observations as truth. For you, when f, u, c and k come together, it becomes a curse word; a word that should not be uttered. Not just you, but for many people. But for me, uttering the word releases the frustration that I feel inside. Not just for me, I know it does for you too. All those 'hells' that you have written till now should have been replaced with 'fuck'. But you have internalized the thought that writing 'fuck' will make you seem crass, as the truth. As a result, your writings have never been yours. They are only writings by a projection of yours that isn't crass, not yours. This is my truth and from the look on your face, I realize that my truth, is your truth too but you are unwilling to accept the truth and now anger is taking over your sense and ..."

Lost in a path

What's the point of walking in the moonlight when one's sight is fixed firmly on the ground. But that night was one such night for her. She was a never a "Oh! Look at the moon" kind of person. Though there were nights when she could not help but appreciate the moon. Tonight was one such night and yet she didnot notice the moon. Obviously, the moon was not happy with this situation but there was nothing much the moon could do from such a distance. So it reflected the light it received from the sun on her. But she did not care to look at the moon. Her thoughts were fixed on the complexity of her life. Like many around her, she did not want to do what she was doing but she did not know what she wanted to do. So she could do nothing but do what she was doing. 

She considered giving up and going back home but she was sure her parents would marry her off to god knows who. She had not visited her parents for over an year as she did not want to get initiated into the process that culminated in her wedding, as soon as she landed home. She missed home, she missed her parents. But her parents were no longer the parents she had know for two decades. They seemed desperate to get her off their hands. She did not understand. She had taken care of herself well for the past two years. She had not bothered them at all. She even sent them expensive gifts on their birthday and other occassions. Till they brought the topic of marriage she had visited them regularly too. So why were they vehement on getting her married? 

She was not against marriage. She believed she will get married at some point in the future. She wasn't against arranged marriage either. By observing the lives of her friends and relatives she had realised that complexity of married life. So, she  believed that it did not matter if the two people involved knew each other earlier or not. Knowing the person beforehand would definitely help; arranged marriages are scary. But this by itself did not guarantee a life without issues post marriage.  So, she did not want to commit herself to marriage yet. She wanted to spend a few years by herself. Her parents did not understand this. They believed that a girl should be married by the time she turned 25. From the day she crossed 25, she received 3 calls a day from her parents. They coaxed, cajoled and even threatened her in these calls. " If you don't come this weekend, we will never talk to you. We will not even look at your face, even when we are dead." " We will give all our property and possessions to an orphanage." These threats vexed her. She shouted back at them and cut the call. In a few hours, they called her back and apologized. But soon the talk went back to marriage. "The boy belongs to a good family and he is working Japan. You were always interested in Japan. You used watch those cartoon and all. You will stay in Japan if this relationship goes through. So exciting na?"  Tears welled up in her eyes when she heard her parents talk in this manner.  She wondered where the parents she had known during her younger days had disappeared.

She continued to walk through the wooded path. The lights from the buildings were seen in the distance. But they were too far to light her track. The moonlight lighted her path and she kept her eyes on the path and it's surroundings involuntarily. Her mind was busy thinking the sad thoughts but her instinct watched the path and surroundings for dangers of the dark. Suddenly, she became aware of her instinct and wondered if she should stop being aware of it . The dangers that surrounded her could help end her worries. Would it be preferable to walk into them? She dropped the thought almost instantly. The messages from the instinctive part of her brain now took control. She looked around and was not sure where she was. Her thoughts had taken farther than she had expected. She looked at the buildings that were seen in the distance.  She identified some of them behind her.  She turned around and started walking back. Her instincts completely took over her mind now. She became aware of every sound and shadow that took shape close by. None of them turned out to be dangerous and she continued walking.

She slowed down when she saw that the path ahead was lighted. The darkness surrounding the path did not any hint of familiarity but the buildings that lay ahead continued to seem familiar. So she continued walking. Soon she reached the lighted part of the path. A little later she felt relaxed when seats with people  sitting in them appeared besides the path. The silence of the night was replaced by the sounds of their conversations. She walked up to an empty seat and sat on it. Soon a woman came by and sat besides her. She looked at her and said "Hello!" She looked at the new person with surprise. She seemed familiar. She responded back "Hello!" The two of them sat quietly. After sometime she looked at the woman. She was older than her. Her face had a worn look. She had a smile on her lips which she did not seem happy. As she looked at her, she turned around and smiled sadly. She got up and said "Take care of yourself and left".

She watched the receding figure of the woman. She wondered where she had seen her. She wondered the reason for her sadness. She tried to understand the meaning behind her smile. A hundred thoughts flooded her. She spend sometime perusing through the thoughts. At the end of the perusing, she smiled, got up from the seat and walked towards familiarity.

MKT

I was walking down a path that I thought led from my house to the office but then I remembered that my office was ten kilometres from my house and I never walked from my house to the office. So, I wondered,

1. Why am I walking?
2. Where am I going?
3. Where am I coming from?

I stopped to think. After some thinking I realized I did not have the answers for any of the questions. I looked around. The surroundings seemed familiar. I remembered that this was a path that I had taken many years ago at a place that was many miles away from my house. I was stumped. I wondered how I got to this place?

I thought, worriedly, that I was possibly struck by dementia or Alzheimers. I decided to check this by trying to remember some facts from my past. I quizzed myself. I answered all the questions correctly. I realized that I was not struck by either of the above mentioned ailments. My next thought was "Am I stuck in a dream?" I was not sure how tp determine this. Dreams always seemed real while they lasted. If all perceptions of the world around us exists only in our minds, then dreams are as real as life. So, it did not matter whether I was dreaming or not. This was life at that moment for me and there was no point in questioning its reality.

I continued walking. Soon, I saw a stadium at some distance. I heard the sound of music and the shoutings and screamings of an ecstatic audience emanate from it. I continued walking. As I approached the stadium, I realized that the music seemed familiar. I stopped and concentrated on it. I remembered! It was Dream Theater singing '6:00'. I smiled and started walking towards the stadium. The sound from the stadium increased as I approached it. I started grooving to the song. My head moved back and forth to Portnoy's drums. I liked this song. This was the first Dream Theater song that I heard and it started my journey into their world. I had bought five of their first six albums and a live album in a matter of months. I bought a few of their later albums too but I have not been able to get into many of them. That hasn't stopped me from listening to their new albums soon after their release though. 

I hummed the tune as I walked into the stadium. The noise of the crowd and the music from the loudspeakers drowned my humming. Petrucci was playing an extended jam, which seemed to be shredding the song to pieces. He almost made the song unidentifiable, but the rhythm section held on and I had no doubts about the song being played. I merged into the crowd and started inching towards the stage. I stopped when I was close to the stage. I started jumping up and down to the rhythm of the song with the crowd. 

Petrucci extended the song to more than twice its length. At one point, it seemed to me that the rest of the group were pleading to him to end the song. Finally, he transformed the jam back to the song and the remaining members of the band joined in enthusiastically. A minute and thirty seconds later, the song ended. The crowd cheered the band and started chanting "Metropolis".  Portnoy smiled from behind the drums. He got up from his seat and walked towards the front of the stage. He looked at the crowd with a mischievous smile. He walked towards Petrucci and said something to him. When Portnoy stopped talking, Petrucci stared at him with his mouth half open. He did not. rather, could not say anything. Portnoy did not seem dissuaded by Petrucci's expression. He started talking again. This time Petrucci responded. They got into an argument, neither hot nor cold. Petrucci tried to dissuade Portnoy but Portnoy held to his point. Finally, Petrucci shrugged and waved his hand towards Portnoy, who smiled and waved towards someone backstage. 

Three musicians entered the stage holding their respective musical instruments. One held a violin, the other a mridangam and the third a thambura. When they reached near Portnoy, they placed their instruments on the floor and bowed to the audience. They then sat cross-legged on the floor of the stage. Portnoy sat in the middle. He smiled at them and nodded. The instrumentalists started playing a tune. Once again, the tune felt familiar. I had heard it many years back. A few seconds later, Portnoy started singing "Manmadha leelayai vendrar undo..."

Hairy Tales

There it comes
Flying through the air
Striking my face
Like a whiplash.
"Aaaah!" I scream
As the nerves on my face
Reach my brain.
I stare at her
But she, 
Oblivious of her actions,
Walks away.
In anger, I call out "Hey" 
She hears and turns around
With a quizzical look in her eyes
Asks "What happened?"
"Happened? Really?
A lot happened
Without your knowledge.
That hair of yours
Is running loose.
Tie it now! Tie it right now!"

No rains for three years
Every molecule of water
Has risen heavenwards
From the parched land.
Men, women and children
Goats, cows and dogs
Cats,...
No! No cats.
Cats are smarter!
Left the place
When the last lake dried.
Humans and animals
Trudging along the dusty road
Towards a few drops of water.
Suddenly, out of nowhere
Thick dark water laden clouds
Appear at the horizon.
Quite as suddenly they disappear
Leaving everyone confused.
Soon understanding dawns
And they shout in unison
"Damn it girl!
You raised our hopes.
That hair of yours
Is running loose.
Tie it now! Tie it right now!"

Never have I seen 
A brighter day than this.

It seemed like the sun
Has replenished
Its source of hydrogen.
H-twos, new and old
Procreating tiny heliums
At a pace faster than humans
While releasing a lot of energy.
I bask in the sunlight
But suddenly darkness envelops me.

"An eclipse!" I shout

"But no one told me about this.
How did this happen?
Is this the end of the world?"
Gradually, the darkness disappears.

It's bright again. 
I feel stumped.
I wonder "What happened? 

Ah! There she is.
Hey there! That hair of yours
Is running loose.

It's eclipsing the sun.
Tie it now! Tie it right now!"

Romeo sits by Juliet's grave.

He laments for her.

Suddenly, her voice 

Rings in his ear.

He looks up

And there she is,

Swaying in front of him.

He reaches out to her.

So does she.

But their hands don't meet

As his hands swishes through hers.

He covers his face
With his hands

And cries out aloud.

She comforts him.

"There, there!

Am I not with you?

So what if we can't

Touch each other.

We can talk to each other forever

And no one can do a thing.

We can be together, forever."

Romeo looks up just in time

To see Juliet's face disappear

Behind a dark cloud.

He screams "Nooooooooo!"

He hears her scream "Noooooo!"

She disappears!

In frustration, he shouts

"Damn it girl!

That hair of yours

By running loose
Has taken away my love.

Tie it now! Tie it right now!"

Not many know.

Not even Shakespeare!

That the disappearance of

Juliet's apparition

Was the cause of Romeo's death

For she never appeared again

Though Romeo pined for her 

At her grave for a week.

A week later,

At sunrise of the eight day

A girl found him 

Lying on Juliet's grave.

He was not dead yet,

A few breaths remained.

He spent these 

by advising the girl

"Damn it girl!

That hair of yours

By running loose
Has taken away my life.

Tie it now! Tie it right now!"

Orphaned letter

 I am looking for a post. I mean a letter. I posted it on 12 January 1999. It was to reach me on 15 January 1999 but it's been 24 years and I have not received it still. It contained all my life's savings and I have not received it still. I went to the post office to place a complaint for the missing letter, but they refused to accept my complaint. They said that they have not received any such letter. I tried to convince them that I had posted the letter, but they threatened to call the police. So, I walked away disheartened. I have waited for the letter since, but two days ago I lost all hopes for getting that letter. I breathed my last breath on that day. As I write these words, I have nobody to receive the letter. So even if the letter lands at my residence, miraculously, I will no longer exist there and the letter will be returned to sender, who too lives no longer and thus the letter like my unsatisfied soul will roam around the world searching for its sender. 

Wish

I once wished a tree into existence. No one believes me when I say this. I remember someone protesting "You can't wish anything into existence". I countered "How about babies?". That said, I would like to make it clear that I did not give birth to a tree. But I believe, it happened this way.

It was a sunny afternoon. By sunny I don't mean the hot 40 degree summer sun. It was more like the bright 29 degree winter sun. The brightness hurt my eyes. So I decided to rest under a tree. The weather was pleasent and it felt pleasenter under the tree. I lay down on the grass and looked up at the tree. The branches started thick from the trunk and tapered as they reached their ends. Green leaves sprouted from each of the branches. Though the season was considered to be winter, the trees continued to be decked by leaves as we did not have autumn and winter in our lands. My eyes travelled along the different branches of the tree. I noticed a few squirrels scurrying about. A crow sat on one of the branches singing one of the popular rap songs of our times. I don't understand crowish and so could not identify the song. Soon, another crow landed on the branch. They exchanged caws with each other. I was not sure if they were talking to each other or singing a duet. It did not matter for my attention had turned towards the squirrels. They were involved in some sort of drill. They ran quickly from one point to another before stopping abruptly. They, then, scanned the vicinity for something. Suddenly, they stopped scanning and stared at something for a few seconds. I looked in the direction of their vision. They were looking at another branch. I did not anything worth noticing on that branch. By the time, I looked back at the squirrel, they had shifted their sight to another location. Soon, they lost interest in staring at the different locations and decided to continue running around. I watched them till they disappeared into the leaves. 

I moved my gaze directly ahead and stared at the grassland that seemed to stretch out till the horizon. I could not see anything other than the greenness of the land and the near empty blueness of the sky. A few white clouds bravely fought the heat of the blue sky that enveloped them. I thought I identified a face among them that looked at me with envy. The shade under the tree was cool. Soon, I fell into a light sleep. I was not sure for how long I slept. I was woken up by the touch of a hand on my shoulders. The touch did not startle me. I opened my eyes and saw the bearded face of a man who was dressed like a sadhu. He looked at me kindly. Between his moustache and beard lay a benign smile. We looked at each other for a few seconds. For anyone passing by, we would have looked like a three dimensional version of the Raja Ravi Varma painting, 'Wish-a-mitra'. I closed my eyes and opened it again. The sadhu still stood at his place looking at me. I realised I wasn't dreaming. I sat up and bowed to the sadhu humbly. He held up his hand and blessed "May you live for long, my boy" (actually, he said "jeete raho, putr" but I am refraining from the use of Hindi here as I want to keep away the Hindi is/isn't the national language of the India - I will use English, which I believe is the national language of the whole planet). I got up and and with folded hands asked, "How can I help you swamiji?" The sadhu's smile became wider as he responded "Large is the heart that believes in helping others. I wish to rest son." I looked around and realised that the spot I had used a few minutes earlier was the best spot to sleep. I pointed to the spot and requested the sadhu to rest there. 

I extended my bottle of Aquafina to the sadhu as he settled down at the spot. He took the bottle from my hand, looked at it and said "Hmmm, Aquafina!" I looked at him surprised. He smiled and responded, "I cannot read English but I can identify the label and the letter for the sound 'A'". I smiled sheepishly but did not say anything. He returned the bottle to me and said "Water refreshes one's mind. Now let me rest for sometime". I sat at a distance and watched the sadhu sleep. Soon, sleep overcame my wakefulness. Once again, I was lost in lands that only existed in my head. I was not sure how long I slept. I woke up with a start when I felt the touch of a hand on my shoulders. I looked at the bearded face of a stranger. I did not remember the face and asked in confusion "What! Who are you?" The stranger smiled and responded "Don't you remember me, son. You allowed me to sleep at the spot that you found comfortable enough to sleep and let me drink a few sips of water from your bottle of Aquafina." The mention of Aquafina struck a bell; I remembered. "Forgive me Swamiji. I slept." The sadhu said "You are a good man. I shall grant you a boon. Think of a wish." I felt confused "A boon?" The sadhu nodded his head in affirmation. My confusion did not fade away and I repeated "A wish?" Once again, the sadhu nodded and said "Wish!" At that moment, I noticed the tree behind the sadhu and for reasons known only to 'noone-knows-who' thought "What a beautiful tree!" The sadhu confirmed "Yes, this is a beautiful tree, and I am glad that that is your wish." He turned around and said some words while waving his hand. Instantly, a tree that looked identical to tree under which we were, appeared in front of us.

I looked at the new tree with amazement. The amazement soon turned into disappointment. I realized that I had lost my boon. I protested "but I only thought the tree was beautiful. That was not a wish." The sadhu "But did you not wish the tree well when you thought it was beautiful." I responded in confusion "I did but that wish is different from the wish that I have." The sadhu corrected me "A wish is a wish. Goodbye son". I tried to protest but the sadhu took no heed of it and walked away. Soon, he disappeared behind the new tree. I lay down against the tree, the first one, and stared at the tree, the new one. I felt disappointed. What use is a tree for me? I wasted a boon on a tree! I could have asked for millions and all I could think of, at that moment, was a tree. I looked up at the tree I was lying under. It was beautiful and in a way, gave me comfort but was it worth giving up the riches for. I punched the root of the tree. I am not sure if the punch made any difference to the tree but my fist ached badly. I held the aching palm in my other palm and rocked myself to sleep. 

When I woke up, I found the leaves of the tree I was sleeping under, glaring at me. The sun's journey for the day had nearly come to the end. I remembered the dream and smiled. What a selfish dream! I stared at the leaves and wondered if I would have been as frustrated as I was in the dream if I had really wished for a tree. I thought "No. I would have been happy for the world. The world needs more trees and not another millionaire". I sat up and noticed a tree right in front of the tree I was lying under. I felt shocked. I did not remember the tree. A million questions ran through my head. The underlying thought behind all these questions were the same, "Did that tree exist earlier?" One part of me was told me that the tree did not exist earlier. But my rational side did not agree. Ultimately, the rational side lost the argument. I believed that I had not dreamt the sadhu and his boon. I had actually wasted a boon by wishing for a tree! I felt bitter and angry. How could I have wasted a boon on a tree? I could have asked for millions. What use is a tree for the world? What use is that tree for me? What kind of fool am I? Once again, I punched the root of the tree that I was lying under. As in the previous case, my fist hurt. I held the hurting palm in my other palm and rocked myself to sleep.

Last wish

He was sitting on the chair and reading the news on his mobile phone. Suddenly, a stab of pain rose in his chest. He grasped his chest with his hands and gasped for breath. It felt as though, air was uanble to reach his lungs. He held his throat with one hand and his chest with the other. The pain increased and spread through his body. He writhed in his chair and started praying. The prayers did not help. The pain did not reduce. He fell out of the chair and continued to struggle with his insides on the floor. After a few minutes, he felt the pain recede. About nine minutes after the pain had started, it had reduced considerably. Only reduced and not disappeared. He still felt a slight pain; more a heaviness, around the left side of the chest. He held his hand against the chest and lay quietly. After a few seconds, he got up slowlt and sat on the chair. He looked around for his mobile. It lay on the empty seat besides him. He took it in his hand and opened the contacts application. He pressed the first name in the favorites. A number starting with '+1' dialled. He held the phone against his ears and listened to the long beeps originating from the other side. After fifteen beeps and female voice informed him "We are sorry! There was no response from the other side." He cursed and almost immediately felt the discomfort in his chest increase. He dialled the number again. This time a sleepy voice responded from the other side. "Papa! What happened?" He responded without warning "I am dying". Sleep disappeared from his son's voice as he asked "What are talking about Papa?" He ignored his son's question. "Remember!" he gasped. "Remember to play the album at my funeral. The whole album. Do you remember the name of the album?" Desperation and exasperation had crept into his son's voice. "Appa! Will you be quiet! Nothing will happen. I am calling the doctor." His father ignored him again and asked with urgency "Do you remember the album's name? Tell me. Tell me the name of the album." He shouted the last words into the mobile. "Of course. I remember the name of the album and the group's name too." He then went on to say the name of the album and the name of the group. The father smiled and said "Ah! I can die in peace now. You are a good son." He cut the call.

Thirty six hours later, the son walked into his father's house. The crowd standing at the door parted as he walked in. Some of them patted his back in an attempt to console him. He saw his father lying on the floor. He felt tears streaming from down his cheeks. He felt a part of life lying lifeless on the floor. He could not move. He did not want to go any closer. After a few minutes, he fished out his mobile phone and opened the music player application. He went to the albums and scrolled down to 'I'. There was only one entry. He opened it. He walked towards the side table and switched on the bluetooth speaker. His father had not changed the speaker for the past few years and so it connected to his mobile immediately. His pressed play. The omnious voices announced the arrival of the song "Livets trädgård".

Up, up and away

He walked up the stairs slowly. He did not want to reach the top quickly. He took his time going from one step to the next. He needed time to think. He had made the decision already but wanted to re-evaluate it. He went through the events of his life that had led him to take this journey up the stairs. He could remember many, but all of them were painful. With passing of time, the painfulness of the incidents did not bother him. It was just another prick of a needle. As Pink Floyd had sung, he had become comfortably numb. Now, he had nothing to look forward to. He did not look at the past fondly or with nostalgia. The happy memories did not seem real. They seemed tacky when compared to the ever-present feeling of pain and shame. Many years back, he had realized that pain, both physical and mental, formed a person's personality. On the other hand, laughter and happiness only create amicability and amiability. But who the fuck cares for amiability and amicability! What is point in being a Pee Wee. Pee Wee himself has not place on this planet today. I don't want to be another Pee Wee. He reached the top of the stairs. He heard the words from a song play in his head.

 Am I leading or being led?

Is this where I want to be?

Am I doing what I want to do?

Can I do what I want to do?

Am I living for myself?

Is the intent of this life only to serve other?

How much longer should this continue like this?

How much longer should I live a life that is only for others benefit?

It's not you, only I.

E

The Vowel Series - 'E'

I am a fly. I am called so due to my ability to fly. There are many other creatures on this planet that can fly. Yet, only members of my species are referred to as fly. I find it humiliating. I know my species have a scientific name associated with it. But scientific names are not really names. They are set of letters that are brought together by the scientists in their attempt to prove to the world that they are scientists. Usually, it is not even pronounceable, and sound like two street dogs growling at each other. So, I am forced to live through the humiliation of being referred to as fly. But this name is better than the name I am given in Tamil. In Tamil, I am called, hold your breath, e. Just e; nothing ahead, nothing after. A lone e standing against the world. You would think "what's wrong with e? It's not bad. It is a vowel." But ground reality is different. For instance, the other day I chanced upon a delicious plate of kesari. I sat on the plate, by the kesari, cleaned my hands by rubbing it against each other and was about to pick up a morsel of the kesari when I heard someone scream "eeeeeeeeeeeeeee". Someone was offended by my presence on their plate. The food looked delicious, and I wanted a small bit of it. But no! The fellow does not want to share it with me. This despite the fact that I cleaned my hands well before I went anywhere close to the food. He does not care. He is offended and mangles my name and makes it eeeeeeeeeeeee from e. Can you see the difference between the two? I cannot describe how humiliated I felt on that day. 

Human beings are insensitive. For many centuries flies and humans have coexisted peacefully. There were no problems at all. But now they consider us to be filthy creatures and every one of them is constantly thinking of ways to exterminate us. I have a feeling that, in a few years, we flies would be extinct like out poor cousins, the mammoths. Now you might be confused about the relationship between a mammoth and a fly. A voice in your head must be screaming "But the two of you can't be cousins?" Biologically speaking, we are not cousins. But there is more to life than biology. Screw science, we are talking about emotions here. We are talking about partnership. We are talking about FEELINGS. Humans have lost their ability to understand feelings. Of course, there are exceptions. S S Rajamouli is one such exception.

Rajamouligaru is a legend in the e-world. He made a movie about us. We were the protagonist in that movie. We even figured in the title of the movie, which was Naan Ee. I do realize that there is a problem in the name, he has added an additional e to e. Ideally, the title should have been Naan E but I am willing to accept the additional 'e'. Humans find it difficult to understand that the name of a species can be one letter long. Here too there is an exception, Prince. For some time, he called himself by a symbol. But the humans could not digest this fact and they referred to him as 'artist formerly known as Prince'. Morons! 

Getting back to Rajamouligaru. He has gained a lot of respect among flies. He made a fly to star in his movie and the fly was not just a star in the movie, he was an action star. The fly was featured on the poster too. When I see the poster, I get the feeling that the fly looks like me. Maybe it is an ancestor of mine. The sad part is that I have not seen the movie yet. It was released many years before my birth. But I have heard the story from many of the elders in my family many times. In the e-world, Naan Ee is as respected as Mahabaratha is among humans. Mouligaru is our Veda Vyasa. Like Mahabaratha, the movie is considered by many to be devoid of scientific facts. But screw science, we want entertainment. Both Mahabaratha and Naan ee have tonnes of entertainment. Long live Rajamouligaru. As a tribute to this great man, I have watched RRR 100 times.

But other than Rajamouligaru, not many of the human species are friendly to us. They shoo us away when we approach them with a friendly greeting. We cannot sit on them, not on their food, not on their table, not on their work equipment. This list goes on. If humans had a choice, they would eradicate us from the face of the planet like they are doing in the cases of all other species except goats, cows, hens, dogs and cats. Oh! I forget. They love the bees too. Those damned insects have a sting, which they don't hesitate to use. Yet the human rear them, take them in their hands and sometimes kiss them too. The bees too have a movie to their credit and the movie is simply called The Bee Movie. Unlike Naan Ee, The Bee Movie is a Hollywood movie. If we had puked some sweet liquid like the bees, we too would have been loved by the humans. But we are not bees, we are only e's. 

During my younger days, I used to think that the humans are playing with us when they were actually trying to swat us. Many flies still think it is some form of dance that the humans liked. So, when the humans wave their hands, we too flew around to the rhythm of their hands. In the process, many flies have lost their lives. I realized it once, when one of the humans went off rhythm and tried to land his palm on me. I was barely able to get off the palm's path. I was shocked and looked up at the human's face expecting an apology. Instead, I saw that it was filled with anger and frustration. I realized immediately that he was not dancing with me but was trying to kill me. I flew away shaken. I spent the rest of that day on the branch of a tree contemplating on the point of my existence. I did not find a satisfactory reason for my existence but decided that I will no longer dance to the human rhythm. I tried to inform my fellow fly brothers about the intent of the humans waving their hands but none of them listened. They continue to dance to the human tunes, and many die under the force of the palm.

The humans have been relentless in their attempt to exterminate us. Their obsession with cleanliness will wipe them of the planet. Just recently, a virus attacked them and nearly wiped them off the planet. The virus did not care about the human obsession for cleanliness and attacked everyone who came in its path. Yet, humans spent many hours cleaning their hands with soaps. Those days were tough for us flies. The smell of the soap was strong, and we found it very difficult go near them. To make matters worse they sprayed chemicals on everything around them. Every time we touched any of those chemical laden surfaces, our feet and hand burned for a long time. Many of my friends and relative started dying due to the rampant use of chemicals. I thought the virus would end up eradicating us e's rather than the humans. Fortunately, the humans lost interest in the virus. As a result, the virus' effect subsided, and humans went back to their old lives. No more washing of hands and no more use of chemicals.

However, the days of peaceful coexistence did not dawn with the end of the virus era. The humans once again got annoyed with our company. They started trying out newer techniques to keep us away. They tried to kill us by placing plates filled with leaves on tables. I am not sure what the thinking behind this idea was, but it did not work. Neither did the leaves look appealing to our eyes nor did they smell good. One day, I decided to check them. They were placed on plates at the centre of a table. I landed on the plate and looked around at the people on the table. No one cared about my presence. I inched up to the leaves, cleaned my hands by rubbing them against each other, pinched a small piece off a leaf and tasted it. It tasted terrible. I don't think I have tasted anything as bad as the leaf. I flew away in terror and disgust. But I felt giddy and could not fly straight. I nearly crashed into my cousin. He buzzed at me in shock "Whoa fly! Look where are going. You nearly squished my eyes." I buzzed back "Sorry! Keep off those leaves man. They are toxic." I got outdoors and let the fresh air remove the toxins from my system. The smell and taste of the leaves stayed with me for some time. I avoided the plate of leaves since.

Like me, all the flies avoided the plates of leaves. The humans got frustrated with their leafy strategy. Soon, the plates of leaves disappeared from the tables. It did not make any difference for us. As I mentioned earlier, we did not go near the plates. So, we continued to hop from table to table, from plate to plate and the human hands continued to wave rhythmically. Life went back to the good old days. Just as I was getting used to normal life, something weird started happening. One day as I tried flying in from outside to inside, I found that I was blocked by a body of water. I could have sworn on my wings that there were no water bodies present at that location the previous day. I wondered how it appeared out of nowhere. I had never experienced anything like this before. I turned around, flew back a little, settled on a wall, shook my head, cleaned me eyes and started back again. Once again, I saw a water body block my path. I hovered a bit around the area, but the reflection of the sunlight from the water body started affecting my sight. I had to move away but this time instead of turning around, I moved to my right. After flying for some distance, I found that the water body had disappeared. I felt relieved. I got into the insides and saw my familiar world once again. I looked around the room and on the opposite side of the room I saw packets of water tied to openings in the room. I realized the reason for my confusion. The humans were up to their usual tricks. I shook my head in anger. I decided it was time to teach these humans a lesson. There was no point in being polite with these creatures. I looked around and found my destination - at the summit of a sambar soaked idli. I directed my flight path towards the idli and made a perfect landing right at its centre. Almost immediately, I heard the familiar refrain "Ayyo! Eeeeeeeeeeee".

This is not the end

The war has just begun

We will not rest

Till we sit on all your food

If you scream eeeee at us

We will swim in your tea

Since you threaten our existence

We will work against yours

By washing our hands and legs in filth

Before settling down on your food

ee aa ee aa oo