I hate working. No, that's not it. That's something I believed was true but I don't think it is. That does not mean I like working. Nope, that will be a stretch. I don't like to work but I don't hate it either. So, why did I think of that first sentence? Was I hallucinating? No, I was in a hurry. In that small sentence lies a truth that didnot emerge as the sentence was incomplete. I have to add two more words to it. So here goes...
I hate working in corporate...
Ah! I need to clarify something here. The term "corporate" that I have used above and that I will use a a number of times below refers to companies, particularly those in the IT industry. So, to reiterate...
I hate working in corporate. But I have spent more than 85% of my life working in corporates. So, the question is why have I spent so much time in corporate when I hate working in it? Worse, why am I working in it still? The answer's simple, straightforward. It only contains one word. Money! There is a sensational amount of money to be earned in corporates and though money can't buy me love, love, in general, is overrated unless, one is talking about the universal brotherhood, sisterhood, friendhood, familyhood, robinhood kind of love (Note: the 'r' in robinhood is in lowercase to signify that it is a verb and not a noun). That said money can buy everything else. So I have emerged myself... No, not emerged, it's submerged. I have submerged myself in corporate for most of my life and I would be lying if I don't say I like the feel of having a healthy bank balance and stretching out my credit card to buy those pair of Sketcher shoes that I don't need.
So, the situation is complex! I love the money that corporate provides but I hate being a part of the corporate jungle. But what is the reason for this hate? The root cause for the hate is also money. Note the use of the corporate phrase 'root cause'. I hate that phrase. It is used everywhere. Every leader in every organization wants to find the root cause of something or the other. One of the main responsibilities of a leader is to motivate his or her team to find the root cause of something or the other at least three times a week. But what is a root cause? It depends! Depend on what? Depends on whom actually. It depends on the person whom you are trying to placate with the root cause. The idea is that once the root cause is found, a similar situation at a later point of time would not result in a need to find the root cause again. But in most cases, a root cause not being the actual root cause results of a situation results in the situation arising again. But interestingly, the root cause determined in this repeated situation could be completely different from the original root cause. Ultimately root cause is a set of words that helps a set of people to move on from the line of fire caused by some mess up done by them or others.
I have gone off the topic. At this point I will try to amuse you with a few lines from the Whitesnake song 'Here I go again'.
Ok, getting back to my dislike for corporate. The reason for both working in corporate and hating it is money. But why is that? Some of the highest paying jobs on the planet are in corporate. This means that the 8 or 10 hours of work that I put in every day gives me more than enough money to live comfortably. Though the work is mentally taxing, there are no discomforts physically. In a sense, I work a lot less than most working people on the planet and I earn a lot more. I remember, many years back a person telling me that software engineers work the hardest and they are not paid enough. He said that on a tuesday evening at 5 pm. He had come home from office at 3 pm and had taken a not so brief nap. At that time, he was sitting in a centrally air conditioned apartment in Texas. My friend and I felt offended by this statement. We too were living in similar comfort and we knew we were lucky to be there. We had no thoughts about us being a part of the most hard working people in or from India. There were a few days when we worked hard. Even then we worked a lot lesser than the people who sold pani puri by the side of a road or pulled carts.
The second reason for my working in corporate for money comes from experience. A couple of years before COVID struck, I started working at a school as teacher. I was aware that my salary at the school would be low and I knew how low it will be. Yet, I felt shocked when I saw the number that denoted my salary in the appointment letter. It was the same as the number on my appointment letter from a big software company 22 years earlier. But, that did not stop me from jumping into the world of learning excitedly. The next six years were the best and worst years of my life. Worst years financially and best years personally. I lost an incredible amount of money during those six years. Yet I worked really hard. I have not worked that hard since nor had I worked that hard earlier. It was very satisfying. But I was in a financial mess by the end of the fifth year and I had to get back to corporate. At first I worked part time but within a year I realized I would not be able to live for long working at two places. So with a heavy heart I left the job I loved to do and went back to making money.
So, why is money the problem when working in corporate? Corporates function on a simple principle. Make a that lot of money now and ensure a lot of money is made tomorrow, the day after, the day after the day after, the day after the... If we don't, we are doomed. So the corporate lives with the insecurity that there is a good possibility that we will run out of money soon. As a result, we have to ensure that we run around looking for money like ants searching for food. But isn't that how we live, in general? Make money for my family's and my own today's needs. If that is achieved, plan for the expenses that might arise in the immediate and distant future. So, there is no living in the now. If life is the same why is it annoying when it comes to corporate? Well, in the personal realm most of these needs come from inside but in corporate it comes from outside. More importantly, in the corporate environment many hours are spent in discussing all this in formal meetings.
There is another subtle difference. In the personal realm, a certain amount of money flows in and a person's responsibility is to ensure that this amount meets his or her today's and tomorrow's need. In a sense there is some guarantee that a certain amount will flow in and the idea is to manage life within that amount. But in a corporate this guarantee does not exist. Also, unlike a family, the corporate tends to spend more as the flow of money increases. Damn! None of this sounds true. Families spend a lot more than the inflow of money. I have landed in a tight corner. The issue I have with corporate is not justmoney. Money is a part of it but it is a lot more than just money. It's insecurity.
Corporates are swamped with insecurity. This comes out as many lacks - lack of money, lack of time, lack of people, lack of customers, lack of partners, lack of security, lack of... The whole system is driven by insecurity. The thought that if we don't do this now, we are doomed. Is that a problem? It is for me. The problem is with the the word 'this'. That 'this' is not a simple this. It is more a 'that' than 'this'. By that, I mean, the 'this' is set so high that it seems like a 'that' than 'this'. I will use an example to make this and that clear. Say, a person taking part in high jump has the ability to jump 6 feet. But his or her ambitious coach sets the bar at 8 feet or even 7 feet and says "if you don't jump that high, we are doomed." This seems to me as setting the athlete up for failure but for many it may seem like a goal and goals are good. Well not necessarily but that is a topic for another day. The high jumper tries and jumps well but does not cross the 7 or 8 feet bar. The coach gets furious and berates the high jumper, who gets demotivated and his enthusiasm towards high jump reduces, maybe by a bit but reduces anyway. Who benefits from this situation? No one. But this is the attitude in a corporate.
The issue I have with this situation is not the setting of the bar at 7 or 8 feet. That is setting an ambitious goal, which per se is not an issue. The issue is the feeling we are or will be doomed, if we don't jump that height now! Why? How does it matter? Why use this scare tactic to motivate? Is that motivation at all? When the jumper does a good but not good enough jump, everyone feels unhappy. The appreciation of the attempt is lost. This effort could have become better over time and led to success. But no, that is not the intent. The intent seems to be "I know what is good for us. I don't care about your thoughts on this. If you don't achieve what I want you to achieve, you are doomed, you are a failure." Of course, in most of these cases there is the underlying motivation that achieving this will make you rich. This is especially true in corporate.
A few days back, I ran into a nasty bug. It was a new module and the bug had to be solved immediately. The project lead called me and said "This is important. Get it done immediately." I panicked and fell under Claude's spell. I wasted time and the pressure increased. One Wednesday evening, the project lead called and said "if you don't finish it by tomorrow, the CEO will put us in front of a firing squad." But those words did not do anything other than increasing the pressure. Each time I ran the test, it took 8 hours for the test to reach the issue. So, the going was slow. I panicked, Claude hallucinated and I lived like a zombie under its spell. I spent 5 days solving an issue that only required 0.5 days. The ultimate solution came by on the Tuesday after the Friday when we were supposed to be shot. Today's Thursday and the issue is not completely solved but no CEOs are talking to me or anyone else about it. The project should have ended in February. We are now in August but the end is at least 2 months away. That is good as this means I make money for another two months at least. But the pressure of we are delayed, do it now, seems unnecessary. But corporates thrive on this feeling. It's an artificial battlefield. There are no guns or bombs but the fear of getting hurt lurks around at every moment.
Why? Can't we relax and immerse ourselves in the pleasure of solving issues? The thrill of finding an issue and solving it is incredible to live through. So is the thrill of coming up with an algorithm or the thrill of learning something new, regardless of its size. Work in corporate is fun but the atmosphere and the people who run it are not. The constant insecurity and the constant feeling of lacking something, makes life in corporate miserable. The mentality of the leaders when dealing with work makes working in corporate annoying. I guess it is for this reason that I have never been a CEO. The lack of insecurity and the need to be happy at all times makes me unfit for execution in corporate.
I guess I am not cut out to make millions!
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