The day of the party

That morning, he decided to go for a walk around his complex. The morning was bright and yet cool. He had slept well the previous and he looked at the world pleasantly. He got out of the building and almost immediately noticed the group of monkeys sitting on the parapet walls of the first floor balconies. One of the older monkeys was sipping from a bottle of Limca. The first floor balconies were longer than the ones on the other floor and provided a lot more space for the monkeys to play around. Some of the residents of the first floor covered the whole balcony with net. The younger monkeys frolicked on them like children on trampolines. Somedays, the monkeys were fortunate enough to find an open window in one of the apartments. They took advantage of the situation by raiding the kitchen for food. That morning was one such fortunate morning. The monkeys started the morning with the bottle of Limca. Next, he saw one of them trying to rip open an unopened cover of maida. A little later, he saw the floor beneath littered with the packet of maida, an empty and torn tetra pack of cream, an empty case of eggs and other food items. He looked at the monkeys and littered ground worriedly. He hoped he had closed all the windows in his apartment.

He noticed the truck when it was a few metres from his car. The path was narrow but there was enough space for the truck and the car to cross each other comfortably. As the truck came closer, he noticed the name written on top of the truck. It had two words; the first was 'THE' and the second 'MALATHA'. He felt stumped. He did not understand what Malatha stood for. He had never heard the word and it did not seem like a name. So why had the owner of the truck written 'THE MALATHA' on the truck. He looked at the truck again and immediately realized the error that he had committed; there was no 'T'. The name of the truck was "HEMALATHA".

It happened to him again. He saw a set of labourers walking on the side of the road. One of them was wearing a sports t-shirt with his name and number written on its back. The name had two parts. The second one was 'RAM' and the first one was 'RUN'. He felt stumped, again. Run did not seem like a name. Could it mean that he is a runner and that "RUN RAM" probably meant Ram who is taking part in the running competition. By this time, his car had gone much ahead and he could no longer see the person. He thought the name would remain a mystery. At that point, he remembered a detail that he had noted earlier. The t-shirt had  a fold just before the 'R' of 'RUN'. That meant that there could have been a letter that was hidden in the fold. He thought for a moment and realized the letter ahead of the 'R' must be 'A'. The name of the t-shirt must be 'ARUN RAM'

As he walked down the corridor, he saw his colleague walk up to him. She stopped him and said "I have a new one for you. A Malayalee one." She continued, "A Malayalee named Avocado had two sons, one his favourite and the other estranged. Their names Guacamole and Guaca-no-mole." He brought an amused expression on to his face. But before he could say anything, she continued "Later Guaco-no-mole returned. It was a teary reunion. Mushy affair, since he became a Guacamole again." He laughed and said "Good one. Its original. But one correction." She looked at him enquiringly. He continued "It should be two daughters and not two sons. In Malayalam, daughters are referred to as molé and sons as moné." She felt embarrassed and said "Oh really! I thought otherwise." He nodded his head. He thought for a moment and said "That gave me a thought. "What did mom tell me when I tried to grab the avocado that she had bought for the guests?" She shrugged her shoulders and asked "What?" He responded, "Aa avocado, avarcado!" She smiled at him and said "Woah!"

He did not let go of the discussion there. He asked "Have you heard the famous birthday questions?" She said "No, what are they?" He said "I will tell you a few."

"1. If you travel by a sleeper coach on your birthday, what will your birthday become?"

"What?"

"It becomes your berthday."

"2. If you win a lottery on your birthday, what will your birthday become?

"What?"

"It becomes a worthday."

"3. If you run out of money on your birthday, what will your birthday become?

"What?"

"It becomes a dirthday."

"Enough! I gotta go!"

He walked a little ahead and sat on a chair. He watched an ant walking on a ledge for sometime. The ant was one of bigger ones. He let his eyes wander away from the ant and looked down at the floor by the end of ledge. Before he could move his eyes off the spot on the floor, he saw the ant fall at the spot on the floor. It took him a moment to realize that he had never seen an ant fall. He thought they walked on all surface regardless of its orientation to the earth. But this ant fell from an height. It must have reached the end of the ledge and instead of holding on to the sides of the ledge just walked off it and fell. He wished life had a rewind button so that he could go back and see how that happened. Now, he could only guess. He looked down at the ant. It walked around unsteadily as though someone had plonked its head. The behaviour of the ant did not surprise him; it had fallen from height many times its own. Had it been a human, he/she would have been killed instantly. The ant continued to walk unsteadily. It was going around in circle as though it had lost its compass. After a few seconds, he realized it was time for him to get back to his room. He got up and walked away.

As he walked into the room, he found the amusing one recounting an incident. The narration was nearing its end. As he reached the group, the group burst into laughing. They laughed for nearly a minute. He did not know the reason for the laugh and looked at each member of the group. When he ran out of patience, he asked the narrator "Hey, tell me what happened?” A few members of the group egged the narrator “Yes, yes, tell him too". A proud smile appeared on the narrator's face, and he said thus.

"It happened a week back. I reached home late from work and slept only for a few hours. I had that damned status meeting that day. The mornings of the status meeting are always the worst. I mean I hate status meetings. Why do they exist? What is the point of getting to know if something is getting delayed when help can't be provided to get the work done. I mean..." His narration was interrupted by clearing of the hearer's throat. He looked at the hearer and continued "I am digressing. Anyway, I felt groggy that morning. Usually, I get out of the bed as soon as I wake up but, on that day, I stayed on the bed for nearly five minutes. I got up and walked unsteadily to the bathroom. Enroute, I picked the toothpaste from the table. In the bathroom, I picked the toothbrush and placed some paste on it. I gargled water, spit it and started brushing the teeth. Almost immediately I saw that there were two tubes of toothpaste on the counter. I felt worried. I thought the sleeplessness had resulted in double vision. But I realized there was nothing wrong with my vision when I could only see one liquid soap dispenser. I concluded that there were two toothpaste tubes. There was something wrong; I was sure I only had one tube of toothpaste and not two. At that moment, I realized that the toothpaste in my mouth did not taste like my usual toothpaste. Soon, I realized that the toothpaste did not taste like toothpaste at all. I reached out to the new tube of toothpaste and read its label. It was a mosquito repellent cream. I realized then that I had picked the mosquito repellant cream from table besides the bed. I spit out the content of my mouth and washed it away immediately. But the smell of the repellent cream did not subside. Even now my mouth smells of it. Not even the flavours of biriyani reduce the smell. The only advantage is that I no longer have to apply the mosquito repellent every day. The mosquitoes keep away from me.”

As soon as it was revealed that he had used the mosquito repellent cream instead of the toothpaste everyone burst into laughter except for the person for whom the story was narrated second. He smiled and at the end of the narration, he laughed and said, “Not just the mosquitos, even your wife must be keeping away from you.” The group went silent, and everyone looked at him. He looked down at his watch, got up saying “Oh! Its time for the status meeting. Let’s go.”

At the end of the meeting, he heard two of his colleagues speak to each other. 

"I think this meeting requires subtitles. I don't understand half the things being said."

"Even with subtitles I am not sure if I have will understand."

"Yeah! Its like the subtitles I saw in a malayalam movie."

"What was it?"

"I will not explain the situation but at one point in the movie one guy tells another 'Aaru endu thannalum eduthu kaiyil pidicholanam' The subtitle simply said 'Why did you take the gun?' Seriously! The whole essence of the Malayalam line is lost."

"I don't understand Malayalee. Can you translate it in Hindi?"

"Never mind!"

That evening he found himself in a party, not a political party but a get together. He was invited by a friend and he knew no one other than his friend at the party. The party took place around a bonfire. The evening was cold and he found the warmth of the fire welcoming. He sat on a chair besides the fire and watched the burning embers. His friend was talking to a small group of men. They were talking about the roads and traffic in the area. This topic usually interested him but he did not know or care about the area being discussed and so kept away from it. Besides he did not know these men and was not really interested to adding them to list the of people who could come back many months later and ask him "Don't you remember me?" He felt happy to watch the fire and take videos of it in slow motion. The only other point of interest in the party for him was the food. He had seen large covers with 'Meghna' written on them placed on a table close by.  Meghna biriyani was popular and he was looking forward to taste it. His primary intent to attend a party was food. From his point of view, parties should only consist of the following steps.

1. People reach party.

2. Say "hello, how are you to each other?"

3. Eat food.

4. While not chewing the food, talk on topics that don't involve politics, education system, philosophy, dead people, dying people, recipes, … Damn, the list is long. Forget it. Don't talk, just chew food. Maybe listen to music playing on the background. No, no, strike that one off too. Music in the party is never in the background and regardless which party he attended, with or without DJ, the playlist was crap. 

4. (Note: the previous point numbered 4 is struck off and so does not exist though you think it exists. Its Maya, not be misunderstood to be name of a girl or woman. This is the Maya that exists in Philosophy. 

4. Ok! The previous point 4 is not a point at all; it is just a clarification. This point 4 is not a point either. The next one is the actual point 4. 

4. Wash your hands, say goodbye and leave.

Clearly the organizers of the party did not agree with the above-mentioned list. They let the 'Meghna biriyani', stay untouched on the tables and continued talking. Suddenly, the party moved from being uninteresting to being unpleasant. One of the men left the group of men talking about traffic. He walked close to the bonfire and announced in a loud and jolly voice "Come on, come on. Gather around the fire. Its time for games." The word 'games' shocked him. He nearly fell out of the chair into the fire but fortunately for him he held on to the sides of the chair and the bonfire didnot become his funeral pyre. He hated party games. Unfortunately for him, he was in the minority and  everyone gathered around the fire immediately. The man announced "we will start with a quiz. I have a few questions here. The children get the first chance to answer. If they don't answer then the adults can. The children will get a chocolate for the correct answer. Adults don't get anything other than a round of applause." The children seemed to like everything mentioned and shouted "yaaay".  The man asked the questions. Actually, they were riddles. 

He took out his mobile and started looking through reels. None of the questions interested him. The only point that interested him was the Melody chocolates that was being distributed as prize. 

The quiz went on for 30 minutes. At the end of it, the self declared master of ceremony asked "what next?" Someone suggested "passing the parcel". He looked up from the phone shocked. Of all the party games this was the worst. The person with parcel will be asked to do something and this something could be anything but he was only interested in doing nothing. The game was a big problem. The MC asked "so what should people with the parcel do?" One of the kids suggested "dance". Once again he nearly fell out of his chair. Of all the somethings, dancing was the worst. He hated dancing. He never understood human obsession with dancing. He started pushing back his chair in an attempt to move out of the circle when one of the women protested by shouting "no dancing". The other women agreed. He looked at the women with respect in his eyes. Soon the game was dropped. No one knew what was to be done. The MC suggested "housie". He felt relieved. He loved housie aka. bingo. He can be a non participating participant in the game. Unfortunately, the children protested. They already had too many numbers in their lives and wanted none in the party. Finally, someone suggested the most acceptable party game, Dumb Charades. He was not very happy about the game but he knew that people loved the game and so he will never be called to act. 

Controversy struck at the beginning of the game. A few members of the party whose nativity lay in the north side of our country demanded "only Hindi movies". But members from the southern side of the country protested "we don't know Hindi movies". The protest was counter protested with "but we don't know any South movies".  Finally, the MC reached a compromise. "English or Hindi movies only.  Show thumbs up to show English and thumbs down for Hindi".  The teams were then split into two by drawing a diamater of the circle. The resulting teams were gender skewed. One team had women and children and the other team had men and children. The women protested "We don't watch as many movies as all of you."  But they did not hold on to their protest and the game started. The children were the first to come on and act. Movie names were given, the actors acted it out and the guesses took place. Though all the movies were guessed by the two teams, the team with men had the edge. They guessed the movie names faster. The team with women got frustrated and decided to give a really hard name. One of the women, took out a mobile and searched for something. They found a movie that no one had heard. When they said they had the movie name with them, a man walked over and looked at the movie name. He had never heard of the movie either and wondered how to act it. He decided he will just act out each word.

All this while, the odd one out of the party was observing the game. He did not take part in it nor did he guess the names but he observed it like a disinterested member of the audience. For the current movie too, he looked at the man act it is an English movie with five words. The man then acted out the first word by crossing his hands. Everyone else in the team said "No". He got a vague feeling that he knew the movie name but he kept quiet and continued to observe. The man then acted out the fourth word by pointing at an old lady. Everyone else in the team shouted "old". With this guess the vagueness of the movie name disappeared for him. He felt a thrill run through him and he shouted "No country for old men". The man who was acting jumped around in joy, shouting "yes" and gave him a high five. The women in the opposing team were stunned. One of them asked "How do you know this movie?" He responded "I have seen this movie. Its a Coen Brothers movie." She did not care for his comment. She shook her head and walked off. He realized his mistake as he had become a mini-celebrity of one half of the party. He quickly dialed his friend's number on his mobile phone, placed it over his ears and walked away. 

100

My world's changing!

A generation is disappearing; not gradually but quite rapidly. I don't look at it with sadness for my own experiences with life has shown that death is a necessary end to the miseries of life. That statement seems more depressing than intended. I did not mean that life is entirely composed of misery. Life is a mixture of joy and misery. The issue seems to be that the human mind absorbs misery and lets most of the joy pass through it. As the years pass by, the miseries make the mind grimy and this in turn results in the mind absorbing more misery than required. To make matters worse, the body starts degrading and the pain of the degradation adds to the misery. So, death is a welcome end to the misery for the person experiencing it. Death affects the living a lot more than the dead. I mean I don't remember being dead and so I am guessing here.

Damn! I made the whole thing seem even more depressing. What I am attempting to say is that death is not bad. What I am not attempting to say is that old age is miserable. It can be but it need not be. Regardless of the age, life can seem miserable or joyful. It depends on one's own outlook to life. What I am attempting to say is death is essential; the end is necessary. What I am attempting to say is that if you have not understood what I am attempting to say yet then it does not matter.  

I don't have a strong memory, which means that most of the events of the past are lost or are hidden in unreachable locations inside my head. This also means that the memory of my past is made up of people and not events. I feel that when the people in my life disappear, my past also disappears. Today, I feel I am lesser version of myself than I ever was. 

2023 started with the death of an uncle. Since then, I have lost another uncle and my grandmother. In all these cases, the persons involved went through a great amount of physical discomfort during the last days of their lives and everyone believed death was a welcome end to their misery. But, of course, everyone expressed this belief with sadness. Death cannot involve joy. 

"We will visit the aunt's house tomorrow morning," said my aunt. "Which aunt?" asked her brother. "Teacher aunt."

"The one who passed away yesterday?"

"Yes."

He looked at me and said, "You know, her sister was also a teacher". "But she died six months back" added she.

My uncle explained "She was our teacher when we were in first standard." "Mine too," said my aunt. I did not know which of the sisters they were referring to now, but I decided to let it pass. 

The next day, at 10 am, my aunt and I got into an auto. She instructed the auto driver "go to the teacher aunt's house". The auto driver nodded knowingly. I wondered how he was sure which teacher aunt my aunt was referring to. Maybe it is obvious to him that she was referring to the one who passed away recently. My aunt continued instructing the auto driver "we will not be there for long, so wait for us*. The auto driver nodded in agreement. The auto reached the destination in 10 minutes. It stood in front of a single storied beige coloured house. There were two men standing by the gate. I did not know them nor did my aunt. She went past them and walked towards the door. There were two more men standing there. She knew them. She nodded towards them and mentioned a few words of condolence. The two men nodded their heads gravely. I held my lips in the shape of a downward arc in an attempt to express sadness. 

I followed my aunt into the house. She went through the hall towards the dining hall where the women of the house were gathered. I did not follow her. I sat down in one of the seats in the halls. The two men at the door had followed us into the hall. They looked at me. I smiled at them weakly. They responded similarly. I started forming a comment or a question that I could ask them, but I could not think of anything. They turned their heads away and started talking to each other. I could not follow their conversation. So, I took out my phone and started looking through Facebook. 

Soon, my aunt brought out one of the ladies from the dining hall towards me. She was the daughter of Teacher aunt. I looked at her with a sad smile on my face. I wanted to say "my heartfelt condolences" but I was not sure how to say it in Malayalam. So, I stood frozen with a sad smile on my face. Teacher aunt's daughter reciprocated my stance for a few seconds. She, then, introduced me to one of the men in the room. The introduction did not help him. He smiled and asked me to sit. The lady went back to the dining hall. He sat down on a chair besides mine. Both of us remained quiet for a few seconds. He asked, "When did you reach?" I responded, "Yesterday morning". He asked, "When are you leaving?" I responded, "On Monday". He had no further questions. He thought I, now, had the turn to ask questions and waited expectantly. I could not think of anything and so looked back at him blankly. When he realised that I had no plans to ask or say anything, he looked at the table in front of him.  He picked up a telephone book (I am not sure if that is what it is called; prior to arrival of mobile phones, there existed books in which one wrote phone numbers of one's friends, relatives and other contacts, I think the book is called phone book). He started to search for something in the phone book. After a few seconds, he gave up the search and picked a small piece of paper that was lying on the table. He looked at the contents on the paper. He opened the phone book and placed the paper inside it. He did not close the book but continued to look at the paper intently.

At that moment, an elderly gentleman walked into the room. The man dropped the phone book on the table and got up enthusiastically to greet the new entrant. He went to the other side of the room and sat beside the new person. He started saying something but before he could complete the sentence, the teacher aunt's daughter approached him. He got up and uttered words of condolence. She shook her head solemnly and started recounting about the final days of her mother.

"She was very active till the last two weeks. She did all the activities by herself. About a week back, she had difficulty in breathing and her memory became weak too. She was not conscious at all on the last day. All of us were here and she was fortunate to receive her final sips of water from all of us. She passed away at 12:20 in the afternoon. It was a peaceful death."

The man listened to her narration intently and  said, "One has to be lucky to have such a peaceful death. Teacher is very fortunate". The lady agreed "Amma lived and died well. We are all very happy".  He nodded with a smile. They stood silently for a moment before she left the room. 

Soon, another lady approached me holding a tray with two cups of tea. Though I was not interested in drinking the tea, I picked a cup from the tray. The lady went with the remaining cup of tea to the old man. He smiled at her and declined the cup politely. I regretfully looked down at the pale brown coloured liquid in the cup. I brought the cup towards my lips and took a sip of the liquid. It tasted terrible. If the lady had not referred to it as chaya, I would not have identified it as tea. The tea was not hot and so I gulped it down quickly.

During this time, the men had begun discussing about matters related to the death of the teacher.

"Did the cremation go on without an issue?"

"Yes, it went well. Everyone was here for the festival and so could take part in the ceremonies."

"That is good."

"The 15th day function will be held at the common hall."

"Oh! When will the 15th day function be held?"

"On the 22nd."

"Here only, right?"

"No. There is not enough space here.  We will conduct it in the common hall."

"Not here? Then where?"

"Common hall, the common hall".

"Sorry. I did not get my hearing aid. I got out of the house and only then remembered that I did not pick it. I did not want to go back to pick it."

"Oh! Can you hear without the hearing aid?"

"Yes! For both ears. I have been using them for the past three years."

"Oh!"

"It is good you are not conducting the ceremony here. There is not enough space and there are too many vehicles on the road."

"Too many vehicles. Sometimes it takes 15 minutes for me to cross the road and the sound of the vehicles disturbs our sleep in the night."

"It will only get worse."

"True, true. Once the Lulu mall opens, the number of vehicles on this road will increase."

"Oh yes! The Lulu mall! When is it opening?"

"Day after tomorrow."

"After that the number of vehicles plying through the road will increase."

"Certainly."

"Do you need help to get the death certificate?"

"No, we got it."

"You got it?"

"Yes, it is very important."

"That must be the cremation certificate. You should get the death certificate from the Panchayat office immediately. It is a very important document."

"Yes, yes. We have to go to the Panchayat office for rest of the processes."

"No, I no longer go to the Panchayat office. I retired 12 years ago. Now I wake up in the morning, go for a walk and ..."

"You walk around your house?"

"I used to go for the walk before 7 as the roads get crowded after 7 ..."

"Oh! You walk on the roads?"

"... but the other day I felt giddy and nearly fell down. Fortunately, I held on to an electric post. Since then, I walk around my house."

The discussion then moved to the arrangements for the 15th day function. A little later, the person left after promising to attend the ceremony. 

A little later my aunt, came to the hall with a group of ladies. Each of them were introduced. "This is the eldest daughter, this is the second daughter, this is the daugther-in-law and you know her". Sure enough, I knew her. She was my aunt's neighbour and her cousin too. At that point, I remembered that the other Teacher aunt was her mother. She passed away a few months back and she was this Teacher's Aunt's sister. I also remembered that while this Teacher aunt taught many of my uncles, aunts and my father in the first standard, the other Teacher aunt had taught them in higher classes. 

I remembered that my father had mentioned to me about this Teacher's aunts passing away. As per my memory, she was a month short of 100 years when she passed away. I mentioned this to the eldest daughter, who promptly corrected me "No, no! She would have been 99 in a month, that is, she would have been in her 100th year in a month". 

Part 2: The aftermath

Ganesh took a sip of tea from the glass he held in his hand. The expression on his face turned to disgust. The tea was too sweet. He looked at the tea master and said "The tea's too sweet." The tea master did not respond. Ganesh was not sure if the tea master was ignoring him or if he did not hear the words. So he repeated. This time the tea master looked at Ganesh and responded "I will make another one for you." Ganesh waved his hand and said "That's ok." Ganesh got up and went towards the counter. He opened a jar and took out a groundnut cookie from it. For the next couple of minutes, he chewed on the cookie. It was sweeter than the tea but the sweetness of the cookie did not bother him. He picked up the glass of tea once the last piece of the cookie disappeared into his mouth. He sipped the tea from the glass and smiled. The sweetness of the cookie had dulled his taste buds and now the sweetness of the tea was just right.

He looked around and noticed a dog on the other side of the road. It was trying to cross the road but there were too many vehicles on the road.  The dog changed its mind and decided to go back to the pavement on the other side of the road. Suddenly a vehicle appeared behind the dog; the vehicle was speeding along the wrong side of the road. The dog jumped back with a yelp. It was shocked by the sudden appearance of the vehicle. Now it was completely confused. It looked to the left, right, front and back before running towards the pavement. There it lay down and attempted to comfort itself by licking every part of its body.

Ganesh sight moved on. He noticed the headlines on the newspaper held by a person sitting on the opposite side. The headlines announced "Minister arrested on bribery charges". The news surprised him. He looked at the words on the newspaper keenly. He had read it correctly the first time. He wondered since when ministers in his country got arrested for bribery charges. If that was the case, there would be no ministers in the country. He did not like to think or discuss about politics. So he dropped the thought. Before he could move on to the next thought, the mobile phone rang.

Ganesh could not identify the number of the caller. He hesitated for a moment. It could be one of those people who were desperate to give him a personal loan. He was in need of money but he knew that if he responded to the call, the banks would ultimately find a million reasons to not loan him anything. Yet, he received the calls from unknown people from the banks who promised to get him a loan. On the other hand, it could be the medical insurance people. Those fellows were even worse. They wanted your money but atleast they were good enough to wish that you live healthily and never went into a hospital. It could be the credit card people... He stopped his mind from meandering further. He picked the call and said "Hello". He did not hear a response from the other side. He repeated "Hello. Who is this?" He heard a series of sobs from the other end. He repeated again "Hello. Who is this?" Finally, he got a response, not for the question though. The voice on the other end said "Machan, she ditched me da!". The speaker on the other side started crying loudly. Ganesh felt stumped. He had no idea who got ditched and who had ditched the ditched person. But now his curiosity was piqued. So, he stopped questioning and said "Its ok da. Don't cry. Tell me what happened." The caller on the other side sniffed a few times and started talking.

"I loved her with all my heart da and now she says she is getting married. She called me yesterday and asked me to come to the cafe. I thought she was going to propose..."

Ganesh could not stop himself from saying "What! Girls never propose". The caller ignored the interjection and continued "She called me to give me the invitation for her marriage with someone else; not me!" The caller stopped the narration and spent the next few seconds crying. Ganesh tried to pacify him by saying "Its ok da". But the caller protest "Its not ok da. How can it be ok? I love her. I loved her for 10 years but she says we were only friends. You tell me how is that possible? How?" Ganesh did not know how to respond to the 'how' and so he asked "How?" The caller responded "Exactly! How?" Ganesh felt lost. He had already asked how and got a 'how' in response. It would be silly to respond to a 'how' that came as a response to a 'how', which by itself was a response for a 'how'. So he said "Hmmm". The caller seemed satisfied with Ganesh's response and said "Exactly. It is not possible. We loved each other. I know it. I felt it. I still feel it. Its not friendship. You know what!" Ganesh, unable to remain quiet asked "What?" This 'what', however found a response "I will tell you what. She says we never said 'I love you' to each other. Utter nonsense. Does anyone say 'I love you' in real life? That only happens in the movies. 'I love you' it seems! Am I Mohanlal to ask her to say 'I love her'?" At that moment, Ganesh realized that he was not talking to Mohanlal. "First she ditched you and now she ditches me. This is not correct." 

The phone slipped from Ganesh's numb palm and fell on the ground. He quickly bent down and picked it up. He heard the caller saying "... hello, hello, are you there? What happened?" Ganesh responded "Yeah, yeah. I am here. What did you say?" 
"That she ditched me."
"Before that."
"She said that I did not say 'I love you'."
"After that da!"
"That she ditched me."
"No. Didn't you say that she ditched me?"
"Yes. Remember, when you left the school after the tenth standard?"
"Vicky! Is that you?"
"Of course, I am Vicky. You mean, you did not realize till now."
"How do you expect me to know. I have not heard from you for 10 years."
"Then why did you not ask?"
"That's not important. I now know who you referring to. She didnot ditch me."
"She did"
"Nope"
"Don't lie"
"I am not lying."
"I have seen you crying when she ditched you for me."
"You were hallucinating."
"I don't hallucinate."
"You just hallucinated the whole business of she loving you."
"What! If you were here I would have strangled you. How can you mock our love like this?"
"Not our love. Your love."
"How dare you!"
"Enough! I don't have time for this. Bye."

Ganesh cut the call, switched off the phone and kept it back in his pocket. He looked towards the tea master and asked "Anna, one tea. Make it sweet; double sweet."

Part 1: The invitation

She was sitting at a table, at the farthest corner of the restaurant. She was looking at the screen of her mobile phone intently. He walked towards her slowly. As he reached the table, he asked the person waiting besides the table for a glass of water. She heard his voice and looked up. She smiled at him. He sat down on the chair and asked her if she was ok.

"Yeah, I am fine. You seem tired."

"Yeah, too much work at the office."

"I ordered samosas and tea. Do you want anything else?"

He shook his head and said "No. That should do."

She dipped her hand into her bag which lay on the chair besides her's and took out a card. She held it below the table for a few seconds. She smiled and stretched the card towards him. "I am getting married" she said. He looked at the card and then at her for sometime. He did not take the card off her hand. She continued to extend the card towards him. The smile disappeared from her lips slowly. She said "Please take the card." He broke out of his spell and said "Married?" She did not say anything. He took the card off her hand and looked at it. He only saw her name on the card. She watched him quietly. Finally, he looked at her and asked.
"Married? But what about us?"
"Us? What about us?"
"What about our relationship?"
"What about it? We were friends and we will continue to be friends."
"Friends? We love each other."
"Love! Have I ever told you so?"
"No,..."
"I don't remember you saying it to me either."
"But that is not the point. You know we have loved each other for many years. Everything can't be expressed in words."
"We have never mentioned to each other that we love each other. So how can you say that we have loved each other for years?"
"Come on! The amount of time we have spent with each other over the past many years is proof enough for the love we feel for each other."
"You know Madhav?"
"What?"
"Do you remember Madhav?"
"Yes, I remember. What about him?"
"I spend a lot of time with him too. Am I supposed to be in love with him too? Do you expect me to marry him too?"
"Don't talk nonsense. He is your friend. You have told me so yourself."
"So are you! What makes you think that my relationship with you is any different?"
"But it is! I know you have felt it. I have seen it in your eyes."
"Please don't do this. We have been good friends. Please don't mess it up now."
"Mess it up! You have cheated me."
"Excuse me! Mind your words! How have I cheated you? Did I ever ask you to marry me?"
"No, but..."
"Nor have you! Neither of us have made promises to each other and yet you assume that we were in love with each other."
"But I do love you. I thought you knew. Please don't do this."
"Do you remember when you last called me?"
"Its been a few days. I was busy. I am sorry."
"Do you remember, I called you a month back?"
"Yes but we couldn't talk much."
"Talk much? We did not talk at all. You said you will call back and that's the last I heard from you."
"I told you I have been busy." 
"... and you claim that you are in love with me."
"This is not fair."
"Listen! We have known each other for years. I consider you to be a good friend. It will be great if you can come for my wedding. I can't say anything else."
"This is not fair. You did the same thing with Ganesh."
"Who is Ganesh?"
"Our classmate from 10th standard."
"Goli?"
"Oh! You remember his name still?"
"What the hell! What about Ganesh?"
"You were in love with him too and later you refused to accept it."

She did not respond but stared at him. She looked at the road through the window for a few seconds. She got up, picked her bag and walked away.

In the closet

He looked at the road through the door that led to the balcony. On the road, vehicles ran here and there , but he did not notice them. He was not looking at the road at all. He was not looking at anything at all. Thoughts occupied his mind, and it did not have the bandwidth to process the sights that reached him through his eyes. Suddenly, he felt a pain rising out of his knees. He realized that he was standing. He did not remember for how long he had been standing at that spot. He turned around and walked towards one of the chairs in the room. He sat down and looked up at the fan. He was not looking up at the fan really. His mind continued to be preoccupied and it did not know what to do with the sights that were reaching it. He closed his eyes in an attempt to stop his eyes from disturbing his thoughts. He wished he could do something to stop the thoughts too, but he knew that would not be possible. His tightened his fist and punched the arm of his chair. He let a stream of unconnected curses escape his mouth. At the end of the stream, he shouted in frustration "How the hell could you fuck up like this?" 

He had messed it up again. He liked living in this neighbourhood. He thought he had finally left his past behind. He felt the blemishes of the past were erased. He was looking forward to living the life of a respectable old man. But he was cheating himself. The sight of that young man had changed everything. He started fantasizing and worse, started believing in his fantasies. He felt that finally he had a chance to live the life that he could not live earlier. The thought made him bold, and he did something that he should not have done. He revealed something about himself carelessly. For the first time in his life, he had exposed himself. In the sixty fifth year of his life, he finally had the guts the take a step forward boldly. He had opened up and extended his hand. But he had extended it to the wrong person. He was not the person he thought he was. The young man had shunned his hand. No, no, that would be wrong to say. The young man was not interested in his hand at all. He had misread the intentions and made the wrong move. Now, he felt like an idiot. He shouted once again in frustration "Feel like an idiot? You moron, you are an idiot."

He wondered how he could go on living like this. He opened his eye and looked up at the fan. He said softly "No. I can't do it." Once again, he closed his eyes. A tear drop appeared at the corner of his eye. Soon, the drop turned into a stream and flowed down his cheek. He did not wipe it. It was many years since he had felt tears roll down his cheeks. But the feeling did not last long. The tears stopped flowing from his eyes. He did not feel sad. He only felt anger, but he did not know the object of his anger. It was definitely not against the young man. He was not pompous enough to think that he was angry with the world. He did not think he was angry with himself. He felt confused. He thought he was probably angry with life. But that felt even more pompous than being angry with the world. At that moment he realized that he was angry with the world or more precisely the society around him. He did not understand why the society would not allow him to be himself. Why did the society have to put him through such embarrassments. He laughed and said "Yeh society ek number ka villain hain, Ajith jaise villain. Saala, it is drowning me in liquid oxygen - the liquid will not let me live and the oxygen will not let me die."

He got up from the chair and switched on the light. It was time for dinner.

Gin

The time has arrived to create some gin puns. Actually, I would have preferred to call them gin jokes, that way I could have typed it as jin gokes and then apologized for the mix up. It would have enabled me to write a bit on spoonerism. But I don't plan to write anything funny. I will quite pleasantly surprised if anyone find the below lines funny. Anyway, let us get on with the...

Gin Puns

1. The feminine form of gin is referred to as ging(h)er.
2. Drink gin and sing "jingle bells, jingle bells...".
3. How do refer to gin that has been on the shelf for a few years? Aging.
4. What do you call a flying gin? Pidgin.
5. A man in Brussels, drank a barrel of gin one night. Later, as he walked towards his home, he tripped and fell into a bottle. Now he is a jinn in the bottle.
6. Where do gin drinkers go to exercise? Ginasium.
7. From a gin to no gin.
8. What do you call a tall bottle of gin? Gigintic.
9. He was so drunk on gin that he walked into his house gingerly.
10. The process of photographing a gin is called imaging.
11. Rivers of gin flowed in his imagination.
12. When 'a' is added to gin the gin gains.
13. When two a's are added to gin - oops I am writing this again.
14. The problem with having a meeting in the pub is that no one knows the aginda of the meeting.
15. It is a sin to treat a gin drinker disparagingly.
16. Gin drinkers are serious people, they don't grin, they only gin.
17. Gin and sex don't go together. That's probably why gins announce their arrival by saying "V r gins".
18. Every gin is unique, they are very original.
19. Gin takes time to move around when it is not inside an engine.
20. The drunken man confessed "forgive me father for I have ginned".

My God! I can't gin no more!

Neck-lies

Reddy lay on his bed and stared at the ceiling fan. He was not contemplating any complex thoughts. He was just bored. He would have preferred to be in the school, but he had ignored the final warning from the math teacher by not working on the homework given during the previous class. He was sure the teacher would have used the scale on his knuckled when she realized that Reddy had not worked on the homework again. So, in the morning, he did not get out of his bed when his friends called out to him. He fake-coughed a few times and mumbled “leave me alone”. His friends promptly informed the warden, who stood beside his bed, staring at him suspiciously. Reddy held his act and continued to groan and cough. The warden placed his palm of Reddy’s forehead for a few seconds and said “Hmmm! No fever. What is wrong with you, boy?” Reddy mumbled “I don’t know sir. Totally unwell. Body pain, sore throat sir.” The warden did not seem convinced. He said, “But you seemed fine last night”. Reddy faked a long bout of cough before saying “I don’t know sir. I feel terrible now.” The warden did not have a choice but believe to him. He said “Stay in bed today. I will bring the breakfast and lunch.” Reddy felt a rush of joy run through him.

Breakfast arrived at 8 AM – four slices of bread and a glass of milk. At that moment, Reddy regretted to have taken the decision to act sick. Neither did he like bread nor milk and the combination of the two was worse than having each of these items separately. He dipped the bread in the milk and looked at it in disgust. He took the bread towards his mouth slowly. He held the bread a few inches from his mouth and let a shudder pass through him. He bit a small piece of the wet bread. It tasted terrible. He groaned in disgust. Unknown to him, the warden was observing him. His perception of Reddy’s reaction was different though. He said “Poor boy! His throat must be aching. Let him take rest.” An hour after breakfast, Reddy was shocked to find out that only an hour had passed since breakfast. Another six hours had to pass before his friends came back from the classes. He decided that he could not spend six hours staring at the fan. He got up, took out his math book and started working on the homework. A few minutes before lunch he closed his book and went back to staring at the fan. Soon, the warden came into the dormitory. He placed a plateful of rasam sadam in front of him and asked, “How are you feeling now?” Reddy replied, “OK sir”. The warden once again placed his palm on Reddy’s forehead for a few seconds and said “No fever. Looks like you can go to school tomorrow.” Reddy agreed. He had completed the math homework and was now ready to face the teacher. 

He liked the rasam sadam that the school mess served. He ate it quickly and placed the empty plate outside the dormitory. He came back and lay on his bed again. The rasam sadam worked some magic inside him and brought sleep to him. A few hours later, he was woken up by the commotion created by the boys coming back from their classes. His friends walked up to him and asked, “How are you feeling now?” He responded “Better”. One of them looked at him suspiciously and asked, “Were you really sick?” Reddy responded “Of course!” The friend persisted “Were you trying to escape the math period? You did not finish the homework, right?” Reddy retorted “Of course not! Check my math notebook. I had already finished the homework.” His friends looked at each other and laughed. He said angrily “I was not feeling well this morning. Even now I feel weak and that is why I slept in the afternoon.”  The friend did not let go. He said, “You sleep every afternoon”. Reddy reminded him “That is in the classroom!” 

Another boy in the group changed the topic. He said, “My parents came today.” The news interested Reddy. He asked “Ah ha! Where are the sweets?” His friend responded “It is here. But you are unwell and should not have any.” Reddy got annoyed “Nonsense! I am fine now. I rested through the day and the sleep has fixed me.” The boy opened the box of sweets and in a matter of seconds, the box lay empty in the dustbin. All the boys, other than the one whose parents had come that day, went back to their respective beds. He took out something from his pocket and handed it to Reddy. He said, “My parents brought this for you.” It was a chain made of a black thread with a silver pendant hanging at its centre. Reddy looked at the pendant; it had the image of the god Muruga standing erect holding a spear. He liked it and tied it around his neck. He looked at himself in the mirror and smiled. He looked back at his friend and said “Thank your parents for this. I like it.” The friend smiled and said, “It will protect you, Reddy.” 

Reddy wore the silver pendant around his neck proudly as he walked into the classroom next day. The math teacher walked in and looked directly at Reddy. She asked “Reddy, why did you not come to class yesterday?” He answered, “I was not feeling well, mam.” The teacher looked at him suspiciously. “Really! Or is it that you did not finish the homework?” Reddy acted hurt. “No mam! I completed my homework.” He took out his math notebook from the bag and waved it in his hand. The teacher asked him to bring the book to her. He walked confidently to towards the teacher and handed her the notebook. She opened the homework and looked through Reddy’s work. “Hmmm! You have not attempted many of the previous homework. But this one is complete. Did you do it yesterday?” Reddy responded “No mam! I did it on the previous day. Yesterday, I was sleeping most of the time as I had sore throat and cough.” 

“You seem well now. You got well so quick.”

“Yes mam.”

“Did you take any medicine?”

“No mam.”

“And yet, you have feeling well now. No trace of sore throat or cough.”

“Yes mam.”

“Hmmm! I wonder how that is possible!”

“Madhu gave me this Muruga pendant. He said it will protect me.”

The math teacher looked at the pendant for long. She suppressed a smile and sent Reddy back to his place. The day went off without events. At the end of the day, Reddy went home for the weekend. As soon as he reached his home, he went in search of his mother. He found her watering plants in the backyard. He went up to her and said “Amma, look Madhu gave this Muruga pendant. He said it will protect me.” His mother inspected the pendant closely and said “Its beautiful. You should wear it always.” He nodded his head in agreement. She continued “But take care not to lie from now on.” Reddy was taken aback “What? Why? Why should I not lie?” His mother responded “It will turn black if you lie and then it will no longer be able to protect you. But why are you so bothered? You don’t lie, do you?” He shook his head vigorously and said “No, no! I don’t”. 

Reddy did not sleep well that night. His thoughts went back to that morning when he had lied to the math teacher about the homework. The pendant was tied around his neck at that time. He thought “Could it be true? Would the pendant turn black due to that lie? Would it have turned black already? Should I switch on the light and check now?” He decided it was not wise to switch on the light at that moment. Instead, he held the pendant against the light coming in through the window. He could not see the pendant well. It looked black in the dark and this frightened him more. He wondered how his mother would react when she realized that she sees the blackened pendant. For reasons beyond his comprehension, everyone in his family thought him to be a nice boy. It was probably due to his not talking much to his relatives. His mother more than anyone thought him to the best child on the planet. He was sure she would be heartbroken if she realized that he had lied. In desperation, he mouthed “What should I do?” He considered taking it off but that would seem suspicious to his mother and so he let the pendant stay in its location. He felt tears roll from the corner of his eyes. He wiped them away. He held his locket tightly within his right palm and prayed “Oh Lord Muruga, save me. Protect me by not letting this pendant become black. I will never lie again.”

As soon as Reddy woke up the next morning, he looked at his pendant. He felt elated. It had not turned black. Once again, he held it in his right palm and said “Thank you Lord Muruga. I promise I will never lie again.”

Reddy went back to the school happily on Monday morning. He wore the pendant round his neck proudly and was firm in his decision not to lie ever again. To live up to the decision, he had to make some changes to his life. He started focusing a lot more in the class. He noted down everything that the teachers said. He came back to the hostel and completed the homework before he went to bed. He ensured he submitted his homework on time. He went to the classes and all places on time. On the whole, he did not give himself a chance to lie.  But there was a problem. His could not spend time with his friends. The day was occupied from the minute he opened his eye till went to bed with one activity after the other. He had not time to have fun. On the other hand, all his friends all the fun that came their way. They bunked classes, they played for a long time, they talked about movies till late in the night, they sneaked in chewing gum into the class, … Everything that he had done with them, they were now doing without him. While he was spending all his time with the miserable textbooks and notebooks. 

As time went by, he could not cope up with his schedule. Slowly, having fun with friends crept back into his life. The time give to school related activities reduced. The pendant’s power slipped out of Reddy’s mind and the pendant itself slipped under his shirt. He started missing a few homework. Some days, he convinced others that he was unwell. A few weekends, he spent an additional day at home and forged his father’s signature on the leave letter that he brought back from home. The stack of lies grew. 

One day, as he was wearing his shirt, Madhu noticed the pendant and said, “Hey look, the Muruga pendant has turned black.” Reddy looked at the pendant immediately. There was no trace of silver on it. He was stunned. He could not speak. He looked at Madhu in terror. Looking at the terrified look on Reddy’s face, Madhu asked “Did you tell lies?” Reddy was shocked “You know that too!” 

“Of course, I do. That is why I gave it to you.”

“You fool, you trapped me! You are my enemy.”

“What! No! I did not trap you. You never lie and so I thought it will not turn black if you wear it.”

“What nonsense! How can anyone live without lying? You trapped me.”

“Hey. I am sorry. I did not know that you lied. But when did you lie?”

Reddy started crying. Madhu tried to comfort him, but Reddy pushed him away. He sat on the bed and hid his tearful face in his palms. Madhu stood besides him feeling miserable. After a few minutes, Reddy looked up at Madhu and asked “Madhu, what do I do?” Madhu responded, “Take it off and keep it in your box.” 

“No! My mother will notice.”

“No, she won’t. You always wear it under your shirt. So, no one will notice.”

“She will remember.”

“If she does, tell her you lost it.”

“No! She will know. She will scold me.”

“Reddy, she will not remember. I am sure. For a long time, you have worn it under your shirt. So, she will not remember the pendant. If she asks, act as though you did not realize that you lost it.”

“But that will be lying.”

“So what?”

“I don’t want to lie.”

“Seriously! Your pendant turned black due to your lying and now you are saying you don’t want to lie.”

Reddy paused for a moment before asking “Are you sure my mother will not find it?” Madhu shook his affirmatively and said, “I am sure.” Reddy untied the thread that held the pendant around his next and placed it carefully in his box. He felt relieved. He looked at his friend and said, “Thanks da!” Madhu smiled back and said, “No mention da!” As they walked from the hostel to the classroom, Reddy asked Madhu “You really thought I never lie?” Madhu responded, “I have never seen you lie.” Reddy countered “What nonsense! Have you not heard me lie to the teachers when I don’t submit the homework?” Madhu slapped Reddy’s back and said “Hey, lying to teachers does not count. That is not lying.” Reddy was surprised by the response. “So, which lies are counted as lies?” 

“Only the lies that you say outside school.”

“I don’t understand.”

“See! In school we have to lie otherwise we will only be studying. Every day we have at least three homework. Then there is studying for test. Sometimes there are special classes. If we miss any of these, the teachers scold or beat us. So, what can we do? We have to lie; only then will we have time to do other things. No one can get through school without lying.”

“Unless you are a robot.”

“Even robots will lie if they get homework every day.”

The two of them laughed.

A week later, Madhu found Reddy sitting alone besides the cricket ground. He was looking intently at a blade of grass on the ground. Madhu went besides him and asked “Hey Reddy! What happened? Why do you seem unhappy?” Reddy looked up and said, “I am going home for the weekend.” Madhu smiled and said “Oh good! Come back with gulab jamuns.” Reddy looked at Madhu angrily and said “Yeah, da! I will get some on my back.” Madhu looked at Reddy confused and asked “Why? What happ…” and then he remembered “Oh! The pendant! Will you forget about the pendant. She will not remember it.” Reddy looked Madhu hopefully and asked, “Are you sure?” Madhu responded, “I am sure.”

Reddy walked into his house nervously. His mother welcomed him with a smile on her face. The smile disappeared when she saw his worried expression. She asked “What happened? Why do you look unhappy? Are you unwell?” Almost instantly, Reddy brought a smile on to his face and said “No! I am fine. Nothing’s wrong with me. A little tired.” His mother said “Ah! Ok! Have a wash and come back. I will make some Boost for you.” A few minutes later, Reddy was sitting on the dining table eating murukku while sipping Boost. His mother had a lot of questions for him. Fortunately, for him, she did not ask him about the missing Muruga pendant. Though Reddy felt relieved at that moment, he remained tense through the weekend. Every time his mother looked towards him, he adjusted his collar and looked at her keenly. But she did not talk about the pendant that weekend. He thought she probably did not remember about it.

On Monday morning, he met Madhu as soon as he reached the hostel. He extended a container towards Madhu and said with a smile “All the gulab jamuns are for you. Don’t share it with anyone.” Madhu smiled at Reddy and asked, “Your mother did not notice the missing pendant right?” Reddy shook his head in affirmation. Madhu opened the can and popped two gulab jamuns into his mouth and said “Hmmm! Delicious. Your mother makes the best gulab jamuns ever.”