- The feminine form of gin is referred to as ging(h)er.
- Drink gin and sing "jingle bells, jingle bells...".
- How do refer to gin that has been on the shelf for a few years? Aging.
- What do you call a flying gin? Pidgin.
- A man in Brussels, drank a barrel of gin one night. Later, as he walked towards his home, he tripped and fell into a bottle. Now he is a jinn in the bottle.
- Where do gin drinkers go to exercise? Ginasium.
- From a gin to no gin.
- What do you call a tall bottle of gin? Gigintic.
- He was so drunk on gin that he walked into his house gingerly.
- The process of photographing a gin is called imaging.
- Rivers of gin flowed in his imagination.
- When 'a' is added to gin the gin gains.
- When two a's are added to gin - oops I am writing this again.
- The problem with having a meeting in the pub is that no one knows the aginda of the meeting.
- It is a sin to treat a gin drinker disparagingly.
- Gin drinkers are serious people, they don't grin, they only gin.
- Gin and sex don't go together. That's probably why gins announce their arrival by saying "V r gins".
- Every gin is unique, they are very original.
- Gin takes time to move around when it is not inside an engine.
- The drunken man confessed "forgive me father for I have ginned".
Friday, October 20, 2023
Gin
Wednesday, August 30, 2023
Neck-lies
Reddy lay on his bed and stared at the ceiling fan. He was not contemplating any complex thoughts. He was just bored. He would have preferred to be in the school, but he had ignored the final warning from the math teacher by not working on the homework given during the previous class. He was sure the teacher would have used the scale on his knuckled when she realized that Reddy had not worked on the homework again. So, in the morning, he did not get out of his bed when his friends called out to him. He fake-coughed a few times and mumbled “leave me alone”. His friends promptly informed the warden, who stood beside his bed, staring at him suspiciously. Reddy held his act and continued to groan and cough. The warden placed his palm of Reddy’s forehead for a few seconds and said “Hmmm! No fever. What is wrong with you, boy?” Reddy mumbled “I don’t know sir. Totally unwell. Body pain, sore throat sir.” The warden did not seem convinced. He said, “But you seemed fine last night”. Reddy faked a long bout of cough before saying “I don’t know sir. I feel terrible now.” The warden did not have a choice but believe to him. He said “Stay in bed today. I will bring the breakfast and lunch.” Reddy felt a rush of joy run through him.
Breakfast arrived at 8 AM – four slices of bread and a glass of milk. At that moment, Reddy regretted to have taken the decision to act sick. Neither did he like bread nor milk and the combination of the two was worse than having each of these items separately. He dipped the bread in the milk and looked at it in disgust. He took the bread towards his mouth slowly. He held the bread a few inches from his mouth and let a shudder pass through him. He bit a small piece of the wet bread. It tasted terrible. He groaned in disgust. Unknown to him, the warden was observing him. His perception of Reddy’s reaction was different though. He said “Poor boy! His throat must be aching. Let him take rest.” An hour after breakfast, Reddy was shocked to find out that only an hour had passed since breakfast. Another six hours had to pass before his friends came back from the classes. He decided that he could not spend six hours staring at the fan. He got up, took out his math book and started working on the homework. A few minutes before lunch he closed his book and went back to staring at the fan. Soon, the warden came into the dormitory. He placed a plateful of rasam sadam in front of him and asked, “How are you feeling now?” Reddy replied, “OK sir”. The warden once again placed his palm on Reddy’s forehead for a few seconds and said “No fever. Looks like you can go to school tomorrow.” Reddy agreed. He had completed the math homework and was now ready to face the teacher.
He liked the rasam sadam that the school mess served. He ate it quickly and placed the empty plate outside the dormitory. He came back and lay on his bed again. The rasam sadam worked some magic inside him and brought sleep to him. A few hours later, he was woken up by the commotion created by the boys coming back from their classes. His friends walked up to him and asked, “How are you feeling now?” He responded “Better”. One of them looked at him suspiciously and asked, “Were you really sick?” Reddy responded “Of course!” The friend persisted “Were you trying to escape the math period? You did not finish the homework, right?” Reddy retorted “Of course not! Check my math notebook. I had already finished the homework.” His friends looked at each other and laughed. He said angrily “I was not feeling well this morning. Even now I feel weak and that is why I slept in the afternoon.” The friend did not let go. He said, “You sleep every afternoon”. Reddy reminded him “That is in the classroom!”
Another boy in the group changed the topic. He said, “My parents came today.” The news interested Reddy. He asked “Ah ha! Where are the sweets?” His friend responded “It is here. But you are unwell and should not have any.” Reddy got annoyed “Nonsense! I am fine now. I rested through the day and the sleep has fixed me.” The boy opened the box of sweets and in a matter of seconds, the box lay empty in the dustbin. All the boys, other than the one whose parents had come that day, went back to their respective beds. He took out something from his pocket and handed it to Reddy. He said, “My parents brought this for you.” It was a chain made of a black thread with a silver pendant hanging at its centre. Reddy looked at the pendant; it had the image of the god Muruga standing erect holding a spear. He liked it and tied it around his neck. He looked at himself in the mirror and smiled. He looked back at his friend and said “Thank your parents for this. I like it.” The friend smiled and said, “It will protect you, Reddy.”
Reddy wore the silver pendant around his neck proudly as he walked into the classroom next day. The math teacher walked in and looked directly at Reddy. She asked “Reddy, why did you not come to class yesterday?” He answered, “I was not feeling well, mam.” The teacher looked at him suspiciously. “Really! Or is it that you did not finish the homework?” Reddy acted hurt. “No mam! I completed my homework.” He took out his math notebook from the bag and waved it in his hand. The teacher asked him to bring the book to her. He walked confidently to towards the teacher and handed her the notebook. She opened the homework and looked through Reddy’s work. “Hmmm! You have not attempted many of the previous homework. But this one is complete. Did you do it yesterday?” Reddy responded “No mam! I did it on the previous day. Yesterday, I was sleeping most of the time as I had sore throat and cough.”
“You seem well now. You got well so quick.”
“Yes mam.”
“Did you take any medicine?”
“No mam.”
“And yet, you have feeling well now. No trace of sore throat or cough.”
“Yes mam.”
“Hmmm! I wonder how that is possible!”
“Madhu gave me this Muruga pendant. He said it will protect me.”
The math teacher looked at the pendant for long. She suppressed a smile and sent Reddy back to his place. The day went off without events. At the end of the day, Reddy went home for the weekend. As soon as he reached his home, he went in search of his mother. He found her watering plants in the backyard. He went up to her and said “Amma, look Madhu gave this Muruga pendant. He said it will protect me.” His mother inspected the pendant closely and said “Its beautiful. You should wear it always.” He nodded his head in agreement. She continued “But take care not to lie from now on.” Reddy was taken aback “What? Why? Why should I not lie?” His mother responded “It will turn black if you lie and then it will no longer be able to protect you. But why are you so bothered? You don’t lie, do you?” He shook his head vigorously and said “No, no! I don’t”.
Reddy did not sleep well that night. His thoughts went back to that morning when he had lied to the math teacher about the homework. The pendant was tied around his neck at that time. He thought “Could it be true? Would the pendant turn black due to that lie? Would it have turned black already? Should I switch on the light and check now?” He decided it was not wise to switch on the light at that moment. Instead, he held the pendant against the light coming in through the window. He could not see the pendant well. It looked black in the dark and this frightened him more. He wondered how his mother would react when she realized that she sees the blackened pendant. For reasons beyond his comprehension, everyone in his family thought him to be a nice boy. It was probably due to his not talking much to his relatives. His mother more than anyone thought him to the best child on the planet. He was sure she would be heartbroken if she realized that he had lied. In desperation, he mouthed “What should I do?” He considered taking it off but that would seem suspicious to his mother and so he let the pendant stay in its location. He felt tears roll from the corner of his eyes. He wiped them away. He held his locket tightly within his right palm and prayed “Oh Lord Muruga, save me. Protect me by not letting this pendant become black. I will never lie again.”
As soon as Reddy woke up the next morning, he looked at his pendant. He felt elated. It had not turned black. Once again, he held it in his right palm and said “Thank you Lord Muruga. I promise I will never lie again.”
Reddy went back to the school happily on Monday morning. He wore the pendant round his neck proudly and was firm in his decision not to lie ever again. To live up to the decision, he had to make some changes to his life. He started focusing a lot more in the class. He noted down everything that the teachers said. He came back to the hostel and completed the homework before he went to bed. He ensured he submitted his homework on time. He went to the classes and all places on time. On the whole, he did not give himself a chance to lie. But there was a problem. His could not spend time with his friends. The day was occupied from the minute he opened his eye till went to bed with one activity after the other. He had not time to have fun. On the other hand, all his friends all the fun that came their way. They bunked classes, they played for a long time, they talked about movies till late in the night, they sneaked in chewing gum into the class, … Everything that he had done with them, they were now doing without him. While he was spending all his time with the miserable textbooks and notebooks.
As time went by, he could not cope up with his schedule. Slowly, having fun with friends crept back into his life. The time give to school related activities reduced. The pendant’s power slipped out of Reddy’s mind and the pendant itself slipped under his shirt. He started missing a few homework. Some days, he convinced others that he was unwell. A few weekends, he spent an additional day at home and forged his father’s signature on the leave letter that he brought back from home. The stack of lies grew.
One day, as he was wearing his shirt, Madhu noticed the pendant and said, “Hey look, the Muruga pendant has turned black.” Reddy looked at the pendant immediately. There was no trace of silver on it. He was stunned. He could not speak. He looked at Madhu in terror. Looking at the terrified look on Reddy’s face, Madhu asked “Did you tell lies?” Reddy was shocked “You know that too!”
“Of course, I do. That is why I gave it to you.”
“You fool, you trapped me! You are my enemy.”
“What! No! I did not trap you. You never lie and so I thought it will not turn black if you wear it.”
“What nonsense! How can anyone live without lying? You trapped me.”
“Hey. I am sorry. I did not know that you lied. But when did you lie?”
Reddy started crying. Madhu tried to comfort him, but Reddy pushed him away. He sat on the bed and hid his tearful face in his palms. Madhu stood besides him feeling miserable. After a few minutes, Reddy looked up at Madhu and asked “Madhu, what do I do?” Madhu responded, “Take it off and keep it in your box.”
“No! My mother will notice.”
“No, she won’t. You always wear it under your shirt. So, no one will notice.”
“She will remember.”
“If she does, tell her you lost it.”
“No! She will know. She will scold me.”
“Reddy, she will not remember. I am sure. For a long time, you have worn it under your shirt. So, she will not remember the pendant. If she asks, act as though you did not realize that you lost it.”
“But that will be lying.”
“So what?”
“I don’t want to lie.”
“Seriously! Your pendant turned black due to your lying and now you are saying you don’t want to lie.”
Reddy paused for a moment before asking “Are you sure my mother will not find it?” Madhu shook his affirmatively and said, “I am sure.” Reddy untied the thread that held the pendant around his next and placed it carefully in his box. He felt relieved. He looked at his friend and said, “Thanks da!” Madhu smiled back and said, “No mention da!” As they walked from the hostel to the classroom, Reddy asked Madhu “You really thought I never lie?” Madhu responded, “I have never seen you lie.” Reddy countered “What nonsense! Have you not heard me lie to the teachers when I don’t submit the homework?” Madhu slapped Reddy’s back and said “Hey, lying to teachers does not count. That is not lying.” Reddy was surprised by the response. “So, which lies are counted as lies?”
“Only the lies that you say outside school.”
“I don’t understand.”
“See! In school we have to lie otherwise we will only be studying. Every day we have at least three homework. Then there is studying for test. Sometimes there are special classes. If we miss any of these, the teachers scold or beat us. So, what can we do? We have to lie; only then will we have time to do other things. No one can get through school without lying.”
“Unless you are a robot.”
“Even robots will lie if they get homework every day.”
The two of them laughed.
A week later, Madhu found Reddy sitting alone besides the cricket ground. He was looking intently at a blade of grass on the ground. Madhu went besides him and asked “Hey Reddy! What happened? Why do you seem unhappy?” Reddy looked up and said, “I am going home for the weekend.” Madhu smiled and said “Oh good! Come back with gulab jamuns.” Reddy looked at Madhu angrily and said “Yeah, da! I will get some on my back.” Madhu looked at Reddy confused and asked “Why? What happ…” and then he remembered “Oh! The pendant! Will you forget about the pendant. She will not remember it.” Reddy looked Madhu hopefully and asked, “Are you sure?” Madhu responded, “I am sure.”
Reddy walked into his house nervously. His mother welcomed him with a smile on her face. The smile disappeared when she saw his worried expression. She asked “What happened? Why do you look unhappy? Are you unwell?” Almost instantly, Reddy brought a smile on to his face and said “No! I am fine. Nothing’s wrong with me. A little tired.” His mother said “Ah! Ok! Have a wash and come back. I will make some Boost for you.” A few minutes later, Reddy was sitting on the dining table eating murukku while sipping Boost. His mother had a lot of questions for him. Fortunately, for him, she did not ask him about the missing Muruga pendant. Though Reddy felt relieved at that moment, he remained tense through the weekend. Every time his mother looked towards him, he adjusted his collar and looked at her keenly. But she did not talk about the pendant that weekend. He thought she probably did not remember about it.
On Monday morning, he met Madhu as soon as he reached the hostel. He extended a container towards Madhu and said with a smile “All the gulab jamuns are for you. Don’t share it with anyone.” Madhu smiled at Reddy and asked, “Your mother did not notice the missing pendant right?” Reddy shook his head in affirmation. Madhu opened the can and popped two gulab jamuns into his mouth and said “Hmmm! Delicious. Your mother makes the best gulab jamuns ever.”
Tuesday, May 16, 2023
Reflection
There was once a man who did not like the way he looked. He did not like his face, his body structure or his hair. Yes! Definitely the hair. I do not... I mean, he did not like his hair. One day he looked at the mirror and asked "Why the hell do you look like this?" His reflection responded "What the hell! How would I know? I am nothing but your reflection." He felt annoyed and said "I wasn't talking to you. Please stop talking!" His reflection felt annoyed too "I am the only other person here. Naturally I thought you were talking to me."
"Not pride; its the reality. If I move away from the mirror, you no longer exist. See!" He moved away from the mirror and asked "Hello! Are you there?" He did not receive a response. "Hellooooo! Is anybody out there? No response! Silence! Ha ha! Thought so." He moved back and looked at his reflection. His reflection looked back at him. He asked "So?" His reflection mouthed back "So?"
He stopped talking and looked at his reflection confused. His reflection looked back at him confused. He knew enough physics to understand the principle of reflection. He realized reflections don't have life of their own. He stopped the thought in its track and shouted out "What the hell does 'reflections don't have a life of their own' mean?" This time, his reflection did not mouth back what he said, instead it laughed holding his stomach and mocked "reflections don't have a life of their own. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Your ugly face turned uglier. That was a laugh I will remember for long." He felt disturbed. Now that he had time to think, he realized reflections talking back was not normal. He said "Stop it! Reflections don't talk back. What the hell is happening?" His reflection responded, "How the fuck am I..." He shouted "Stop! No curse words. You know I don't write curse words." His reflection asked in confusion "What! Are you writing this?" He laughed and said "Of course, I am writing this. Only in paper do reflections talk back. It does not happen in life." His reflection's face reflected disappointment; he wondered if his face was disappointed too. He had no way to know. His reflection asked "You mean! I am a figment of your imagination."
He felt sorry for his reflection and said "Sorry!" His reflection looked away and remained quiet. He continued "Look, I am sorry. I did not realize you will get hurt by this but that is the truth." His reflection looked at him and said "Truth! Hmmm! What do you know about truth? Does anyone know anything about truth? Everyone has their own truth. Each person assimilates what he or she observes in their own manner and consider these assimilated observations as truth. For you, when f, u, c and k come together, it becomes a curse word; a word that should not be uttered. Not just you, but for many people. But for me, uttering the word releases the frustration that I feel inside. Not just for me, I know it does for you too. All those 'hells' that you have written till now should have been replaced with 'fuck'. But you have internalized the thought that writing 'fuck' will make you seem crass, as the truth. As a result, your writings have never been yours. They are only writings by a projection of yours that isn't crass, not yours. This is my truth and from the look on your face, I realize that my truth, is your truth too but you are unwilling to accept the truth and now anger is taking over your sense and ..."
Sunday, May 7, 2023
Lost in a path
What's the point of walking in the moonlight when one's sight is fixed firmly on the ground. But that night was one such night for her. She was a never a "Oh! Look at the moon" kind of person. Though there were nights when she could not help but appreciate the moon. Tonight was one such night and yet she didnot notice the moon. Obviously, the moon was not happy with this situation but there was nothing much the moon could do from such a distance. So it reflected the light it received from the sun on her. But she did not care to look at the moon. Her thoughts were fixed on the complexity of her life. Like many around her, she did not want to do what she was doing but she did not know what she wanted to do. So she could do nothing but do what she was doing.
She considered giving up and going back home but she was sure her parents would marry her off to god knows who. She had not visited her parents for over an year as she did not want to get initiated into the process that culminated in her wedding, as soon as she landed home. She missed home, she missed her parents. But her parents were no longer the parents she had know for two decades. They seemed desperate to get her off their hands. She did not understand. She had taken care of herself well for the past two years. She had not bothered them at all. She even sent them expensive gifts on their birthday and other occassions. Till they brought the topic of marriage she had visited them regularly too. So why were they vehement on getting her married?
She was not against marriage. She believed she will get married at some point in the future. She wasn't against arranged marriage either. By observing the lives of her friends and relatives she had realised that complexity of married life. So, she believed that it did not matter if the two people involved knew each other earlier or not. Knowing the person beforehand would definitely help; arranged marriages are scary. But this by itself did not guarantee a life without issues post marriage. So, she did not want to commit herself to marriage yet. She wanted to spend a few years by herself. Her parents did not understand this. They believed that a girl should be married by the time she turned 25. From the day she crossed 25, she received 3 calls a day from her parents. They coaxed, cajoled and even threatened her in these calls. " If you don't come this weekend, we will never talk to you. We will not even look at your face, even when we are dead." " We will give all our property and possessions to an orphanage." These threats vexed her. She shouted back at them and cut the call. In a few hours, they called her back and apologized. But soon the talk went back to marriage. "The boy belongs to a good family and he is working Japan. You were always interested in Japan. You used watch those cartoon and all. You will stay in Japan if this relationship goes through. So exciting na?" Tears welled up in her eyes when she heard her parents talk in this manner. She wondered where the parents she had known during her younger days had disappeared.
She continued to walk through the wooded path. The lights from the buildings were seen in the distance. But they were too far to light her track. The moonlight lighted her path and she kept her eyes on the path and it's surroundings involuntarily. Her mind was busy thinking the sad thoughts but her instinct watched the path and surroundings for dangers of the dark. Suddenly, she became aware of her instinct and wondered if she should stop being aware of it . The dangers that surrounded her could help end her worries. Would it be preferable to walk into them? She dropped the thought almost instantly. The messages from the instinctive part of her brain now took control. She looked around and was not sure where she was. Her thoughts had taken farther than she had expected. She looked at the buildings that were seen in the distance. She identified some of them behind her. She turned around and started walking back. Her instincts completely took over her mind now. She became aware of every sound and shadow that took shape close by. None of them turned out to be dangerous and she continued walking.
She slowed down when she saw that the path ahead was lighted. The darkness surrounding the path did not any hint of familiarity but the buildings that lay ahead continued to seem familiar. So she continued walking. Soon she reached the lighted part of the path. A little later she felt relaxed when seats with people sitting in them appeared besides the path. The silence of the night was replaced by the sounds of their conversations. She walked up to an empty seat and sat on it. Soon a woman came by and sat besides her. She looked at her and said "Hello!" She looked at the new person with surprise. She seemed familiar. She responded back "Hello!" The two of them sat quietly. After sometime she looked at the woman. She was older than her. Her face had a worn look. She had a smile on her lips which she did not seem happy. As she looked at her, she turned around and smiled sadly. She got up and said "Take care of yourself and left".
She watched the receding figure of the woman. She wondered where she had seen her. She wondered the reason for her sadness. She tried to understand the meaning behind her smile. A hundred thoughts flooded her. She spend sometime perusing through the thoughts. At the end of the perusing, she smiled, got up from the seat and walked towards familiarity.
Sunday, April 30, 2023
For whom the bells toll
Friday, April 21, 2023
MKT
- Why am I walking?
- Where am I going?
- Where am I coming from?
Sunday, April 9, 2023
Hairy Tales
There it comes
Flying through the air
Striking my face
Like a whiplash.
"Aaaah!" I scream
As the nerves on my face
Reach my brain.
I stare at her
But she,
Oblivious of her actions,
Walks away.
In anger, I call out "Hey"
She hears and turns around
With a quizzical look in her eyes
Asks "What happened?"
"Happened? Really?
A lot happened
Without your knowledge.
That hair of yours
Is running loose.
Tie it now! Tie it right now!"
No rains for three years
Every molecule of water
Has risen heavenwards
From the parched land.
Men, women and children
Goats, cows and dogs
Cats,...
No! No cats.
Cats are smarter!
Left the place
When the last lake dried.
Humans and animals
Trudging along the dusty road
Towards a few drops of water.
Suddenly, out of nowhere
Thick dark water laden clouds
Appear at the horizon.
Quite as suddenly they disappear
Leaving everyone confused.
Soon understanding dawns
And they shout in unison
"Damn it girl!
You raised our hopes.
That hair of yours
Is running loose.
Tie it now! Tie it right now!"
A brighter day than this.
Has replenished
Its source of hydrogen.
H-twos, new and old
Procreating tiny heliums
At a pace faster than humans
While releasing a lot of energy.
I bask in the sunlight
But suddenly darkness envelops me.
How did this happen?
Is this the end of the world?"
Gradually, the darkness disappears.
I feel stumped.
I wonder "What happened?
Hey there! That hair of yours
Is running loose.
Tie it now! Tie it right now!"
With his hands
Has taken away my love.
Has taken away my life.