MKT

I was walking down a path that I thought led from my house to the office but then I remembered that my office was ten kilometres from my house and I never walked from my house to the office. So, I wondered,

1. Why am I walking?
2. Where am I going?
3. Where am I coming from?

I stopped to think. After some thinking I realized I did not have the answers for any of the questions. I looked around. The surroundings seemed familiar. I remembered that this was a path that I had taken many years ago at a place that was many miles away from my house. I was stumped. I wondered how I got to this place?

I thought, worriedly, that I was possibly struck by dementia or Alzheimers. I decided to check this by trying to remember some facts from my past. I quizzed myself. I answered all the questions correctly. I realized that I was not struck by either of the above mentioned ailments. My next thought was "Am I stuck in a dream?" I was not sure how tp determine this. Dreams always seemed real while they lasted. If all perceptions of the world around us exists only in our minds, then dreams are as real as life. So, it did not matter whether I was dreaming or not. This was life at that moment for me and there was no point in questioning its reality.

I continued walking. Soon, I saw a stadium at some distance. I heard the sound of music and the shoutings and screamings of an ecstatic audience emanate from it. I continued walking. As I approached the stadium, I realized that the music seemed familiar. I stopped and concentrated on it. I remembered! It was Dream Theater singing '6:00'. I smiled and started walking towards the stadium. The sound from the stadium increased as I approached it. I started grooving to the song. My head moved back and forth to Portnoy's drums. I liked this song. This was the first Dream Theater song that I heard and it started my journey into their world. I had bought five of their first six albums and a live album in a matter of months. I bought a few of their later albums too but I have not been able to get into many of them. That hasn't stopped me from listening to their new albums soon after their release though. 

I hummed the tune as I walked into the stadium. The noise of the crowd and the music from the loudspeakers drowned my humming. Petrucci was playing an extended jam, which seemed to be shredding the song to pieces. He almost made the song unidentifiable, but the rhythm section held on and I had no doubts about the song being played. I merged into the crowd and started inching towards the stage. I stopped when I was close to the stage. I started jumping up and down to the rhythm of the song with the crowd. 

Petrucci extended the song to more than twice its length. At one point, it seemed to me that the rest of the group were pleading to him to end the song. Finally, he transformed the jam back to the song and the remaining members of the band joined in enthusiastically. A minute and thirty seconds later, the song ended. The crowd cheered the band and started chanting "Metropolis".  Portnoy smiled from behind the drums. He got up from his seat and walked towards the front of the stage. He looked at the crowd with a mischievous smile. He walked towards Petrucci and said something to him. When Portnoy stopped talking, Petrucci stared at him with his mouth half open. He did not. rather, could not say anything. Portnoy did not seem dissuaded by Petrucci's expression. He started talking again. This time Petrucci responded. They got into an argument, neither hot nor cold. Petrucci tried to dissuade Portnoy but Portnoy held to his point. Finally, Petrucci shrugged and waved his hand towards Portnoy, who smiled and waved towards someone backstage. 

Three musicians entered the stage holding their respective musical instruments. One held a violin, the other a mridangam and the third a thambura. When they reached near Portnoy, they placed their instruments on the floor and bowed to the audience. They then sat cross-legged on the floor of the stage. Portnoy sat in the middle. He smiled at them and nodded. The instrumentalists started playing a tune. Once again, the tune felt familiar. I had heard it many years back. A few seconds later, Portnoy started singing "Manmadha leelayai vendrar undo..."

Hairy Tales

There it comes
Flying through the air
Striking my face
Like a whiplash.
"Aaaah!" I scream
As the nerves on my face
Reach my brain.
I stare at her
But she, 
Oblivious of her actions,
Walks away.
In anger, I call out "Hey" 
She hears and turns around
With a quizzical look in her eyes
Asks "What happened?"
"Happened? Really?
A lot happened
Without your knowledge.
That hair of yours
Is running loose.
Tie it now! Tie it right now!"

No rains for three years
Every molecule of water
Has risen heavenwards
From the parched land.
Men, women and children
Goats, cows and dogs
Cats,...
No! No cats.
Cats are smarter!
Left the place
When the last lake dried.
Humans and animals
Trudging along the dusty road
Towards a few drops of water.
Suddenly, out of nowhere
Thick dark water laden clouds
Appear at the horizon.
Quite as suddenly they disappear
Leaving everyone confused.
Soon understanding dawns
And they shout in unison
"Damn it girl!
You raised our hopes.
That hair of yours
Is running loose.
Tie it now! Tie it right now!"

Never have I seen 
A brighter day than this.

It seemed like the sun
Has replenished
Its source of hydrogen.
H-twos, new and old
Procreating tiny heliums
At a pace faster than humans
While releasing a lot of energy.
I bask in the sunlight
But suddenly darkness envelops me.

"An eclipse!" I shout

"But no one told me about this.
How did this happen?
Is this the end of the world?"
Gradually, the darkness disappears.

It's bright again. 
I feel stumped.
I wonder "What happened? 

Ah! There she is.
Hey there! That hair of yours
Is running loose.

It's eclipsing the sun.
Tie it now! Tie it right now!"

Romeo sits by Juliet's grave.

He laments for her.

Suddenly, her voice 

Rings in his ear.

He looks up

And there she is,

Swaying in front of him.

He reaches out to her.

So does she.

But their hands don't meet

As his hands swishes through hers.

He covers his face
With his hands

And cries out aloud.

She comforts him.

"There, there!

Am I not with you?

So what if we can't

Touch each other.

We can talk to each other forever

And no one can do a thing.

We can be together, forever."

Romeo looks up just in time

To see Juliet's face disappear

Behind a dark cloud.

He screams "Nooooooooo!"

He hears her scream "Noooooo!"

She disappears!

In frustration, he shouts

"Damn it girl!

That hair of yours

By running loose
Has taken away my love.

Tie it now! Tie it right now!"

Not many know.

Not even Shakespeare!

That the disappearance of

Juliet's apparition

Was the cause of Romeo's death

For she never appeared again

Though Romeo pined for her 

At her grave for a week.

A week later,

At sunrise of the eight day

A girl found him 

Lying on Juliet's grave.

He was not dead yet,

A few breaths remained.

He spent these 

by advising the girl

"Damn it girl!

That hair of yours

By running loose
Has taken away my life.

Tie it now! Tie it right now!"

Toilet Tales

People usually don't display eagerness to visit a toilet, much less spending time there. One uses it when one needs to. A dialogue from the movie 'Godfather' describes it best - "You gotta go! You gotta go!" As I write the dialogue, I get the feeling it does not sound the way it is supposed to. That's not surprising! It has to be heard as it is mentioned in the movie, only then does it make sense. But the dialogue become understandable when I expand it, I mean add more words to it. Then it sounds as follows. "If you want to go, you should go". Here go could mean going to the toilet or doing what one has to do in the toilet. But, as I read the expanded version of the dialogue, I see that it does not have the feel that the words had when it was uttered by a character in the movie. It does not have the effect "you gotta go! You gotta go" has. It's probably for that reason that the dialogue appears in the shorter form in the movie. 

I have digressed. As David Coverdale sings 'here I go again on my own..."

I don't like the toilet at school. I don't know why! I just don't like it. I will not delve into this matter for I think it will be a waste. Only when I am stuck in a meeting do I think of the toilet fondly. I make it a matter not to visit it at the beginning of the meeting. That way, I can go the toilet when the discussions in the meeting become dull and repetetive. This actually happens within the first thirty minutes of the meeting but I hold my patience till 75% of the meeting is complete. Of course, the process of taking a loo break from the meeting has to be done carefully; only your near and dear friends should realize that I am actually taking a break from the meeting. The others should feel that I am disappointed to leave the meeting. To achieve this effect, five minutes prior to my planned break, I lean forward to look at the speaker intently. Sometimes, I actually listen to what the person is saying. If the topic of discussion is a serious one, I hold the tip of my pen between my teeth and increase the intensity of my look. Fifteen seconds prior to the planned departure, I sit back, close my eyes and shake my head faintly for ten seconds. Next, I get up from my seat slowly while looking at the speaker keenly. Then, I turn and walk away. Most times, I control my urge to pump my fist in joy.

The toilet is considered an haven from the mundaness of life by many. Almost in every class, at around the half way mark a child would walk up to the teacher and say "bathroom". This child will usually be one of the children who utters this word to every teacher at around the halfway mark of their session. Depending on his/her mood, the teacher would either let him/her go or try to dissuade the child to get back to his/her seat. But at most times, the child is deteremined to take a break and stands his/her ground. At the end of half a minute of stand-off the teacher usually waves ths child off in the direction of the door. The child happily walks away. When he/she returns from the 'bathroom' is dependent on a number of factors, viz., the teacher's temper, the subject, the topic being discussed, the side of bed the child chose to get out of in the morning, the time of sunrise, the probability of an ant finding a cube of sugar in the football field, ... The list is long. If it was to be put on paper, it would be longer than 'The Suitable Boy'. Note: Though I am at a risk of being labelled a sexist, I record here that the child, in most cases, is a boy. I mean, the first child to ask to a 'bathroom' break is usually a boy.

For reason not known to mankind, the word toilet is only used as sign boards in public places. In private places, there exists a taboo against the use of word 'toilet'. No one really uses it, I mean the word and not the toilet itself. Instead, the word 'bathroom' is used. Toilets being a part of the bathroom is a recent occurence and yet, the toilet is referred to as bathroom even when the facility to take a bath is not available in most toilets. For example, a child requesting to go to the 'bathroom' in between the class, has no means to take bath in the 'bathroom' even if he/she wishes to. So why refer it to as 'bathroom'? With the rising popularity of the American culture, the toilet is referred by many to as 'restroom' . I do this and am trying to break out of this habit. I checked the dictionary and the following is the meaning of the word 'restroom'.

1. a room in a public building for people to relax or recover in.
British

2. a toilet in a public building.
North American

Note: For the next few lines, I only write about boys. 

The boys in the school, have taken the definition of 'restroom' a step further by combining the British and American definitions. For them, the definition of 'restroom' reads thus.

a toilet in a school for the students where students are also allowed relax or recover.
School boys

Toilets are places that can and should only be placed at hidden locations. As a result, anyone who is new to a place, has no choice but ask to someone who is familiar with the place "Where's the toilet/bathroom/restroom?". This question is usually a matter of pride for the latter. He/She stands erect and goes on to give the precise directions in detail "Go straight then take the second left, walk 1.32 m before taking a right and then walk through the dark tunnel. You wade through the stream at the end of the tunnel, climb the rock on the other bank. The toilet is on top of that rock". While speaking these words, the person giving the directions moves one of his hands so that the listener can understand clearly the direction refered to when he/she say left or right. These actions are done with such finesse that an observer would be reminded of Brucelee's words "Be like water...". A recent study has found that in 99% of the cases people do not get lost while following the direction to a restroom/toilet/bathroom. Yet, when following directions on the road, the success rate is reduced to a mere 1%. The human brain is a wonderful creature.

"Here I go on again on my own..."

The above paragraph should have made it clear that the toilets are placed in locations that give a lot of privacy to its users. The location is a perfect spot for the children to catch up on each other's lives and the lives of others too. The kind of bonding that happens outside a toilet cannot be acheived by any of the workshops on teamwork conducted by many of the corporate companies. The children bond across ages. They have many incidents and opinions to share and almost every sharing is listened to with rapt attention by all. It would be interesting place a microphone outside the toilet to capture these discussions. The revelations from these recordings could result in the emergence of new pedagogies and which in turn could revolutionize the world of education.

I hope someone, someday will make an award winning documentary titled 'Toilet Tales'.

Orphaned letter

 I am looking for a post. I mean a letter. I posted it on 12 January 1999. It was to reach me on 15 January 1999 but it's been 24 years and I have not received it still. It contained all my life's savings and I have not received it still. I went to the post office to place a complaint for the missing letter, but they refused to accept my complaint. They said that they have not received any such letter. I tried to convince them that I had posted the letter, but they threatened to call the police. So, I walked away disheartened. I have waited for the letter since, but two days ago I lost all hopes for getting that letter. I breathed my last breath on that day. As I write these words, I have nobody to receive the letter. So even if the letter lands at my residence, miraculously, I will no longer exist there and the letter will be returned to sender, who too lives no longer and thus the letter like my unsatisfied soul will roam around the world searching for its sender. 

Tens-hen

As I approached the T juntion, a car coming from the road on the right side crossed ahead of me. I cursed. I did not like following vehicles on these narrow-outside-the-city roads early in the morning. The car was a Renault Duster, which, I think, is considered a mini-SUV. The Duster being bigger than a sedan blocked my view of the road. I did not like following bigger vehicles that block my view of the road ahead. To make matters worse, the person at the wheel was driving the vehicle at a slow pace. It seemed to me the driver was on an early morning amble in a Renault Duster. I cursed again but this time violently.  I wondered if I could overtake the vehicle but there was not much space on the right side of the road. It had rained the previous night and there were puddles on the left side of the road. To avoid these puddles, all the drivers drove in the centre of the road. This meant that the space on the right side of the road was reduced. The remaining space on the right side of the road was occupied by cows that seemed to be taking census of the number of cars driving past that particular spot at that point of time. The violence in my curses were now reaching radioactive level. "Why can't this Radium split into two?" I shouted. As we crossed the Nayara petrol pump, the car slowed down further. "What is this useless Thorium doing?" Mysteriously, the car stopped in front of the gates of a new and hence barren gated community. I had never seen a vehicle stop at that spot before. I shook my head  thinking "What a charged particle!"

Suddenly, I saw a pack of street dogs running towards my car on both sides of the road. They did not stop by my car or chase my car but continued running. I looked at the rear view mirror and saw them approach the Duster. I realized that the driver of the car, was driving slowly to attact the attention of the dogs in the neighbourhood. I did not look at the rear view mirror for long. I did not want to runover someone or something. So I turned my focus back to the road.  I guess the man fed biscuits to the street dogs regularly. He was the good guy and I, the bad one to have thrown curses at him. 

The road curved right and in a few metres to the left sharply. I did not have any difficulty in manovering through the curves. They sound more complicated on paper. I reached a straight stretch of the road. Not a long one but long and smooth enough to let the speedometer touch 50 for 3 seconds, that is, when there are no dogs, cows or hens on the road. On that day, I could see none of them in the middle of the road and so I pressed my right foot on the accelerator. As the car's speed increased, I observed a bike on the opposite side of the road. When I was about 10 metres from the bike, a black hen sped from the right side of the road to the left. The rider of the bike did not expect it. He lost his balance briefly. This was not caused due to the closeness of the hen to the bike but due to the suddenness of the hen's dash across the road. I don't think I have ever seen a hen or for that matter any other organism, run so desperately. I wondered the reason for this. I looked at the sky. It was not falling. So that couldn't be the reason. I smiled and let it pass. 

By this time the smile disappeared from my face, my car has come close to the spot where hen run had happened. The hen was to my left. When I was a few metres from it, it decided to run back across the road again. It started across the road at the same pace as before but soon realised that a car was approaching it. It screamed "Egad! A car! Turn back, turn back, spin around." It spun around and ran back at the same desperate pace. I swerved my car to right. As the car, crossed the spot where I had last seen the hen, I was not sure if it came under the wheels of my car or not. For the second time that morning. I looked at the rear view mirror. The hen was alive. It had reached back to the left side of the road. As I looked at the mirror, it turned around and dashed back across the road once again. I was now worried about the mental condition of the hen. There had to be a reason for it to dash back and forth across the road desperately. It probably should get in touch with a counshenllor. 

I did not stop the car to find the future actions of the hen. Did it continue dashing across the road or did it realize that the worms always seemed juicier on the other side of the road?

Gene Scene

GAATTC
GGATCC
CTCGAG
What's with the alphabet sequences?
It's just the gene scene baby!

A and C, G and T
Adenine and Cytosine
Guanine and Thymine
They are mine? Are you sure? 
Yeah! It's just a part of the gene scene baby!

Rhyniognatha, Rhyniella,
Archimylacris, Aphthoroblattina
Archaeolepis, Manipulator, Sphecomyrma.
And what the hell are these?
Ants! It's just the evolution of genes baby!

DNA, RNA,
mRNA, ncRNA,
Nucleotides, Proteins,
Hey, what's with these aging teens?
It's just the gene scene baby!

Gregor Mendel,
William Bateson and
Wilhelm Johannsen
I have never heard about any of them!
They are just a part of the gene scene baby!

Prepotency, Heterosis,
Mutation, Atavism,
Xenia and Telegony.
I know them! Greek gods, right?
Wrong! It's just the gene scene baby!

Is there more?
Are you not done with this?
Why are you annoying me?
Done! No way! I can go on for many hours.
It's in my gene scene baby!

Ammu, Hemu
Ramu, Dhamu
Shomu, Somu, Chromosomu
Chromosomu! Who's this Chromosomu?
It's just the gene scene baby!

Lee, Levis
Flying Machine
Pepe, Wrangler
Oh come on! These are not in the gene scene baby!
Its just the jean scene baby!

When gene goes to jean,
No gene scene exists baby!
The scene is plain to me.
You gotta stop this now,
Its just an obscene scene baby!

Wish

I once wished a tree into existence. No one believes me when I say this. I remember someone protesting "You can't wish anything into existence". I countered "How about babies?". That said, I would like to make it clear that I did not give birth to a tree. But I believe, it happened this way.

It was a sunny afternoon. By sunny I don't mean the hot 40 degree summer sun. It was more like the bright 29 degree winter sun. The brightness hurt my eyes. So I decided to rest under a tree. The weather was pleasent and it felt pleasenter under the tree. I lay down on the grass and looked up at the tree. The branches started thick from the trunk and tapered as they reached their ends. Green leaves sprouted from each of the branches. Though the season was considered to be winter, the trees continued to be decked by leaves as we did not have autumn and winter in our lands. My eyes travelled along the different branches of the tree. I noticed a few squirrels scurrying about. A crow sat on one of the branches singing one of the popular rap songs of our times. I don't understand crowish and so could not identify the song. Soon, another crow landed on the branch. They exchanged caws with each other. I was not sure if they were talking to each other or singing a duet. It did not matter for my attention had turned towards the squirrels. They were involved in some sort of drill. They ran quickly from one point to another before stopping abruptly. They, then, scanned the vicinity for something. Suddenly, they stopped scanning and stared at something for a few seconds. I looked in the direction of their vision. They were looking at another branch. I did not anything worth noticing on that branch. By the time, I looked back at the squirrel, they had shifted their sight to another location. Soon, they lost interest in staring at the different locations and decided to continue running around. I watched them till they disappeared into the leaves. 

I moved my gaze directly ahead and stared at the grassland that seemed to stretch out till the horizon. I could not see anything other than the greenness of the land and the near empty blueness of the sky. A few white clouds bravely fought the heat of the blue sky that enveloped them. I thought I identified a face among them that looked at me with envy. The shade under the tree was cool. Soon, I fell into a light sleep. I was not sure for how long I slept. I was woken up by the touch of a hand on my shoulders. The touch did not startle me. I opened my eyes and saw the bearded face of a man who was dressed like a sadhu. He looked at me kindly. Between his moustache and beard lay a benign smile. We looked at each other for a few seconds. For anyone passing by, we would have looked like a three dimensional version of the Raja Ravi Varma painting, 'Wish-a-mitra'. I closed my eyes and opened it again. The sadhu still stood at his place looking at me. I realised I wasn't dreaming. I sat up and bowed to the sadhu humbly. He held up his hand and blessed "May you live for long, my boy" (actually, he said "jeete raho, putr" but I am refraining from the use of Hindi here as I want to keep away the Hindi is/isn't the national language of the India - I will use English, which I believe is the national language of the whole planet). I got up and and with folded hands asked, "How can I help you swamiji?" The sadhu's smile became wider as he responded "Large is the heart that believes in helping others. I wish to rest son." I looked around and realised that the spot I had used a few minutes earlier was the best spot to sleep. I pointed to the spot and requested the sadhu to rest there. 

I extended my bottle of Aquafina to the sadhu as he settled down at the spot. He took the bottle from my hand, looked at it and said "Hmmm, Aquafina!" I looked at him surprised. He smiled and responded, "I cannot read English but I can identify the label and the letter for the sound 'A'". I smiled sheepishly but did not say anything. He returned the bottle to me and said "Water refreshes one's mind. Now let me rest for sometime". I sat at a distance and watched the sadhu sleep. Soon, sleep overcame my wakefulness. Once again, I was lost in lands that only existed in my head. I was not sure how long I slept. I woke up with a start when I felt the touch of a hand on my shoulders. I looked at the bearded face of a stranger. I did not remember the face and asked in confusion "What! Who are you?" The stranger smiled and responded "Don't you remember me, son. You allowed me to sleep at the spot that you found comfortable enough to sleep and let me drink a few sips of water from your bottle of Aquafina." The mention of Aquafina struck a bell; I remembered. "Forgive me Swamiji. I slept." The sadhu said "You are a good man. I shall grant you a boon. Think of a wish." I felt confused "A boon?" The sadhu nodded his head in affirmation. My confusion did not fade away and I repeated "A wish?" Once again, the sadhu nodded and said "Wish!" At that moment, I noticed the tree behind the sadhu and for reasons known only to 'noone-knows-who' thought "What a beautiful tree!" The sadhu confirmed "Yes, this is a beautiful tree, and I am glad that that is your wish." He turned around and said some words while waving his hand. Instantly, a tree that looked identical to tree under which we were, appeared in front of us.

I looked at the new tree with amazement. The amazement soon turned into disappointment. I realized that I had lost my boon. I protested "but I only thought the tree was beautiful. That was not a wish." The sadhu "But did you not wish the tree well when you thought it was beautiful." I responded in confusion "I did but that wish is different from the wish that I have." The sadhu corrected me "A wish is a wish. Goodbye son". I tried to protest but the sadhu took no heed of it and walked away. Soon, he disappeared behind the new tree. I lay down against the tree, the first one, and stared at the tree, the new one. I felt disappointed. What use is a tree for me? I wasted a boon on a tree! I could have asked for millions and all I could think of, at that moment, was a tree. I looked up at the tree I was lying under. It was beautiful and in a way, gave me comfort but was it worth giving up the riches for. I punched the root of the tree. I am not sure if the punch made any difference to the tree but my fist ached badly. I held the aching palm in my other palm and rocked myself to sleep. 

When I woke up, I found the leaves of the tree I was sleeping under, glaring at me. The sun's journey for the day had nearly come to the end. I remembered the dream and smiled. What a selfish dream! I stared at the leaves and wondered if I would have been as frustrated as I was in the dream if I had really wished for a tree. I thought "No. I would have been happy for the world. The world needs more trees and not another millionaire". I sat up and noticed a tree right in front of the tree I was lying under. I felt shocked. I did not remember the tree. A million questions ran through my head. The underlying thought behind all these questions were the same, "Did that tree exist earlier?" One part of me was told me that the tree did not exist earlier. But my rational side did not agree. Ultimately, the rational side lost the argument. I believed that I had not dreamt the sadhu and his boon. I had actually wasted a boon by wishing for a tree! I felt bitter and angry. How could I have wasted a boon on a tree? I could have asked for millions. What use is a tree for the world? What use is that tree for me? What kind of fool am I? Once again, I punched the root of the tree that I was lying under. As in the previous case, my fist hurt. I held the hurting palm in my other palm and rocked myself to sleep.