He walked up the stairs slowly. He did not want to reach the top quickly. He took his time going from one step to the next. He needed time to think. He had made the decision already but wanted to re-evaluate it. He went through the events of his life that had led him to take this journey up the stairs. He could remember many, but all of them were painful. With passing of time, the painfulness of the incidents did not bother him. It was just another prick of a needle. As Pink Floyd had sung, he had become comfortably numb. Now, he had nothing to look forward to. He did not look at the past fondly or with nostalgia. The happy memories did not seem real. They seemed tacky when compared to the ever-present feeling of pain and shame. Many years back, he had realized that pain, both physical and mental, formed a person's personality. On the other hand, laughter and happiness only create amicability and amiability. But who the fuck cares for amiability and amicability! What is point in being a Pee Wee. Pee Wee himself has not place on this planet today. I don't want to be another Pee Wee. He reached the top of the stairs. He heard the words from a song play in his head.
Am I leading or being led?
Is this where I want to be?
Am I doing what I want to do?
Can I do what I want to do?
Am I living for myself?
Is the intent of this life only to serve other?
How much longer should this continue like this?
How much longer should I live a life that is only for others benefit?
It's not you, only I.
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