1:11 AM to 1:52 AM

I swear

I swore

For I wear

A tear

In my gear

Which I fear

Is not clear

To the dear 

NOTE: The word dear is a compromise. I got tired of rhyming and decided to throw the dear into the worse (aka. verse). It would be interesting to note that I decided to write these words after I the second usage of a popular curse word below.  

So if you don't care for swear, 

I advise you to not proceed to the vice words below.

I find it difficult to maintain sanity and yet I am forced to act sane and yet people around me find a great deal of insanity in my sanity and yet they have no choice but to accept that I am sane. The fact that I am wide awake and writing these lines at 1:11 AM just four and a half hours away from my usual wake up time seems to be a sign of insanity and yet I believe that it is the world that is insane and my wakefulness is proof enough of my not being insane enough to fit into this insane world. But no one notices. They don't even have a faint idea of what a misfit I am. Everyplace I have been I seem like a perfect fit. It seems that there is no better place for me but its not true. No way! I don't fit here, there or anywhere and hence I find it easy to be anywhere. Can you see the logic? I don't fit in anywhere and so I can fit in anywhere. Everyplace is as good as the other. Of course, I utter such words only when I observe the half full part of the glass. But there are times when I see the half empty part of glass and I scream within my head "What the fuck am I doing here!" Pardon my language but that is what I scream. I wish I did not use that word and used "hell" instead. But I will not be true to my feelings if I used "hell" instead of the word I use. But I being where I am should not use that word. I feel terrible! Sorry, I was lying. I don't feel terrible. I am happy I uttered the word. It seems to have released some of the tension in my head. But not enough for me go back to bed. That's right, go back. I was tossing and turning in my bed when I suddenly decided that I cannot do this anymore. I had to get up and continue writing my latest travelogue. I wrote a few good words when I realized that I should be insane to be writing a travelogue at 1:12 am. I am sitting on a chair with the laptop on my dining table. Above my head an ellipsoid lamp is trying its best to light my room. But like me it is a misfit too. The bulb does not have enough Wattage to brighten the place. Suddenly I feel empathy for Lal Bahadur Shastri. Damn! That sentence was tough. I am not going to explain why I said that. That would be too convoluted and I have decided to only be convoluted tonight. No fucking too convolutedness tonight. Ooops! I did it again (not related to the song by Britney Spears). 

Four hours and ten minutes of sleep time left. That is only if I sleep now. 

I am not sleeping yet, which means I have less than four hours and ten minutes of sleep time left. Also, I am hungry. I did not have much of a dinner last night but that is not good enough a reason to feel hungry. I know there is food sitting in the refrigerator but I am not ready to mess my hands by touching food. Maybe I will drink some water and hopefully then I will be allowed to sleep for three hours and fifty two minutes. 

Before I go, I have to say why I started writing the above words. As I lay on my bed in desperate search of sleep the following words formed in my head "A head that is Messi will only create a world that is Ronaldo!" 

I can hear a bird crying "ko kooo" at some distance. It has been doing that for the past thirty minutes. 

It is not a pleasant "ko kooo" but a series of desperate "ko koooos" that start low prior to reaching the higher pitches and then going back to the lows. Another misfit in the vicinity in search of sleep that continues to elude.