I'm talking about love

Everyone was concerned about age catching up with the well loved bachelor in the group. Wherever they went they attempted to identify the woman of his life by scanning the horizon. But this effort can be compared to searching for a needle in a haystack. It is said that marriages or partnerships or whatever its called today are made in heaven. I think not! The ones in heaven are not in control either. The heavenly creatures taking care of these connections and interconnections are probably shrugging their shoulders and uttering frustrated "Why us!" as I write these lines.

As ever, the discussion around the table was about this bachelor's marriage. The one's who had experienced marriage were presenting arguments on the futility of this institution; the younger ones with a shade of romance and the older one with stoic resignation. The bachelor from time to time tried to say something but his words were smothered down by the talkers. The other bachelors and spinsters looked from face to face in silence with expressions bordering on "what the hell are these old hags talking". But they did not dare to open their mouth for they were worried that the smothering might go beyond their words. 

The conversation went here, there and then elsewhere before settling, an hour and half later, to a comfortable nowhere. At the end of the day, it was like an episode of the sitcom Friends. Every time an ardent fan talked about an episode, the casual fan would only have a vague memory of having seen or heard it. The ardent fan would continue with a "don't you remember? It was in episode 5 of season 11 in the 5th year prior to the turn of the century." The casual fan to end the discussion would agree "Oh yes! I remember, the one with Joey and Ross drinking coffee right?" Many days later, while watching a rerun they would come across the episode and realize "so this is what that fellow was talking about is it? Oh! Now I get it." Most, if not all, spinsters and bachelors have to live through marriage to understand the words of the expounders.

I like using the word institution for marriage. The definition of institution is "an organization founded for a religious, educational, professional, or social purpose." Its true, isn't it? Let us have a look at all those forbidding words in that definition.

1. Organization: mean an organized group of people with a particular purpose. The purpose seems to be clear, at least to everyone other than the ones getting married.  Even the ones who are not yet married have played their parts in this organization by growing up in it.

2. Religious: Survey's around the globe have found that 84% to 87% of marriages have religion associated with it in one form or other and at one time or other.

3. Education: Marriage is all about education. First the spouses get educated about each other and their families (actually, this could go on for a lifetime). Once children make an entry, all education is centered around them.

4. Profession: means a paid occupation, especially one that involves prolonged training and a formal qualification. Doesn't that definition sound terrible? I have known and been in professions that did not pay anything. What the hell does "involves prolonged training and a formal qualification" mean? This definition does not fit the current age. But profession is an occupation, which means a way of spending time. There is a lot of occupation in marriage with prolonged learning.

5. Social: Social means relating to society. Isn't marriage all about society? The questions raised by the society formed a part of the one and a half hour discussion. These questions result in marriages and many results in a marriage. "Why is she/he not getting married?" "Is he/she OK? I mean he/she is alright na?" "When are they getting married? They are all around the place." "I saw them walking on mount road holding hands. You have to do something about it." "Only registering the marriage! No reception?" "Any good news?" "Congratulations!" "Any good news?" "Only one! Wouldn't he/she be lonely when he/she grows up. Poor child will have no one to fight over all this property." Marriages drive society and society drives marriages - things cannot be more social than this. 

Thus, it seems marriages fit all the tenets of an institution. It is an institution preferred over the IITs and IIMs...

What's that! Wait a minute! Silence! I hear a feeble voice say something. What did you say? I can't hear you properly. Talk louder. Ah! Love! You ask "what about love?" Haven't you heard Tina Turner sing "what's love got to do with it"?  Unfortunately, many bind love too close to marriage. They act as though love cannot exist with marriage and vice versa. Love is probably the most misunderstood word on the planet. It is defined as a strong feeling of affection. But thanks to people like Shakespeare and Dhanush it seems nothing like affection these days.

Many years ago, I had my first Eureka moment when I believed I had deciphered the essence of the word love.  It did not take place in a bathtub but happened in a "necessity is the mother of invention" type situation.

A colleague of mine brought his classmate into many conversations. This girl had the same name as a well known heroine of those days. So I listened to these conversations with some interest. Once I had an opportunity to meet her at a concert too. As time passed I moved out of the project and city. One day, I was surprised to receive a mail from him. In the mail, he announced his impending marriage to his friend. He wrote that at some point of time, they realised they wanted to spend their lives with each other. I felt happy for him and responded with a "I am not surprised".

I got a shocked response from my colleague. He was a good-natured fellow and hence did not abuse me. He stressed that they were only friends and did not intend to fall in love with each other. Love landed on them like a bolt from the blue and took them by surprise. It seemed to him that I was hinting that something was going on all along and they had hidden it from the world. He tried his best to convince me that my supposition was incorrect. I did not think there was a problem in their hiding it, if they had wanted to do so. But my hinting it, though I maintain I had not, seemed wrong. Right or wrong, I had to get out of this situation. That night, I put on KennyG's Breathless, switched off the light and lay down on the bed thinking.

It was dark when I woke up. I looked at the clock and it said 1 AM. KennyG's breath was neither less nor more. I took out a paper and pen and started writing (these were the pre-laptop on every lap days and we had to use paper and pen). What I wrote that night went as a mail to my shocked colleague the next day.

I don't think you understand what I said. I did not mean you have hidden something from us. I only mean that you were in love all along. Love is love; it does not change from person to person. The love you feel for her today is the same as you for her felt yesterday and the day before. It is same as the love you feel for you father, mother, sibling or a friend like me. What changes is the way you express it and your commitment to the person. When the two of you decided to get married, the love did not change, only its expression changed. So I am never surprised when friends decide to take a step ahead. That is reason for my not being surprised.

I sent the mail and eagerly awaited the reply. It came in a matter of hours. He was very happy with what I had written. He agreed to every word I said and we continued to be friends. At least, I think we did as that was the last time we communicated with each other.

So this institution, like others round the world, does not require love. It is all about rules and responsibilities. As in the case of other institutions, people are dying to jump into it all the time. But soon after jumping in, they are dying to jump out. Actually that statement's not true - they are dying to jump into a similar institution ad infinitum.

Nickel's son

I hate Jack. Most times, he is a mean bastard. Yeah! Mean Bastard! That is the only way I can refer to him. He has the wicked gleam in his eyes as he says the most innocent and many times loving words on earth. Then the fellow goes ahead and does something terribly mean. I remember the first time I met him. He was involved in an incident involving three women and he was claiming innocence with the words "You may think me crazy, but I know music. It's the one thing that makes me humble." All of us believed him. He walked away scot-free. Even the women involved in the incident forgave him.

I got curious and decided to find more about him. Many claimed that the guy was a certified lunatic. As I got to know him, I believed it. His favorite phrase was "Jesus, I must be crazy to be in a loony-bin like this." He was obnoxious. Once he did not like the songs being played in a restaurant. He called the manager and yelled "You play that thing one more time, I'm gonna melt it down into hairspray." The poor lady ran for her life into the kitchen and was never seen again.

At some point of time, I found his company interesting and had the misfortune of paying to the dentish with him. He said masochistically "Most people don’t like to go to the dentist but I rather enjoy it myself. There’s a real feeling of progress when that old drill goes in. I’d almost rather go to the dentist than anywhere." Post the visit, I avoided him for a few days but it was tough to keep away from a fellow who oozed charisma as much as he did. So one day I found myself in his house. He talking to his son "I love you Danny. I love you more than anything else in the whole world and I will never do anything to hurt you. Never! You know that don't you? Hmmm?" Though the talk started off sweet, it ended on a terrifying note. To make things worse, he had the most wicked expression on his face with his eyebrows raised and an evil grin.

Unfortunately, Jack loved Wodehouse. People who are not aware of Wodehouse were confused by some of the things he mentioned but the ardent fans were definitely thinking of murder. I have found him slip a mangled version of the name Jeeves in most conversations. "Looks like you might have got a spot of it on yourself there Jeevesy old boy." "Here I will just hold this for you Jeevesy. ""What do they call you around her Jeevesy?" What is wrong with you, Jacksy?

Jack always considered himself truthful. Whenever he was caught lying he used to retort with “I have never lied to you. I have always told you some version of the truth.” When the situation gets out of hand, he would fall back on his trusted retort “You can’t handle the truth!” Jack lived a life on the edge. Every one believed him to be horrible but loved him anyway. They could not help but let him be a part of their lives. 

Unfortunately for Jack, he aged quickly. He went from a dashing jet setter to a lone old man looking for love and company. One could find him sitting in a cafe dropping lines like "You make me want to be a better man" to every woman crossing his way. Maybe someone will believe him one day and make their life miserable. 

Until then he will live on with his motto of "I don't want people to know what I'm actually like."

Theory of relationships

Sometime back, a friend was offended when I thanked her. I think she objected bringing in formalism to friendship. Today, I had an occasion to thank her again. My hand hovered around the 'T' key for a few moments. In the confusion, the "Theory of relationships" came into my mind. The theory states

Any relationship can survive the passage of time if and only if its participants bring in the required amount of formalism between each other.

The proponent of the theory is lost in the magnitude of time. Many have tried to understand and explain this theory. Thinkers of the current times tend to accept the commentary by Italian renaissance thinker, Luigi Bonatti II. According Luigi, relationships tend to break down when the people involved take each other for granted. Formalism brings in the required rules to be followed regardless the closeness of a relationship. This and only this ensures that the parties involved don't end up in contempt of each other. "Of course" Luigi says "one should not bring too much formalism into a relationship as this would make a relationship a formality."  My interest in Luigi increased when I came across his interesting but mostly forgotten corollary to the theory of relationship, which states

Its better to have a relationship based on gratitude than apology

I found a translation of Luigi's autobiography. It focused, almost exclusively, on everything that can go wrong with relationships. His relationship with his father was immersed in so much formalism that it ended up being a formality. When his family died in a tragedy, he took over the ownership of his father's estate. He threw away all the formality to the wind and indulged in different types of intimacies. The lack of formalism and overdose of intimacy continued into his marriage. Soon Luigi was swamped in relationships reeking with contempt. His life was spent apologizing to anyone and everyone. The last part of the autobiography is spent describing Luigi's discovery of the theory of relationships  and his proposing the corollary. He ends his book with the lines.

I lived a life

With everyone and no one

I received love

From everyone and no one

I thought relationships

Mean to love and be loved

I do not know 

What it is to love and be loved

It is a sad book and I regretted reading it. But knowing Luigi proved helpful to me. I typed "Thanks" and pressed send.

I don't hear the voice

"Have you watched Baahubali?"

"No."

"What! You are not my friend from now. I have watched Baahubali 2 five times. A waste of 15 hours of my life"

*****************

She has a loud voice and loves to laugh. The laugh could explode anytime and shake even a person not lost in reverie. She was especially good at the witch laugh. Ironically, she lost her voice a week prior to an important play. She struggled through the practice sessions and we were all worried. She had an important part in the first sequence of the play. 

To lighten the mood, I used to tease her by calling her Godfather. She took the teasing sportively and used to give me a mock annoyed look. Fortunately, she gained some her lost voice and pulled off the play well.

"What goes around, comes around" doesn't it? It sure does.

One morning, I found my voice in the Godfather realm. I struggled through the day and desperately avoided running into her. I prayed for the return of my lost voice. But I guess the sin of teasing has not been paid off. This morning, I woke up sounding like Batman.

I hope, I don't wake up in the Gollum's world tomorrow. 

Dolores O'Riordan

While the whole world was on the field playing some game or the other, I was stuck in front of the television. I hated sports; I still do. So I spent the one and a half hours from 5 pm in front of the television. Those were the infant days of MTV in India. Rahul Khanna played the day's popular songs in a programme called MTV's Most Wanted (I think). The audience for this show in the TV room at Gymkhana consisted of I and only I At times, a curious head would pop in, watch the TV for a few moments, give me a curious look and walk off shaking his head. But I did not care; every evening I watched Soundgarden sing "Black Hole Sun", Snow sing "Informer", Ini Kamoze sing "Here comes the hot stepper" (I still can't get the annoying Naaa na na na naaa na na na naaaa... off my head) and other songs. Though I enjoyed watching the songs, most groups did not influence me much, not even Soundgarden. The only group that influenced me then was The Cranberries. Their song "The Zombie" was a regular feature and I loved everything about the song. The heavy metal guitars, the dark tone of the song and the video and the gold painted Dolores O'Riordan. Within a few months, I had two of their albums in my collection and the songs played regularly in my room. 

As time passed, my musical preferences changed and the air time The Cranberries received reduced. But every time I heard their songs, it was not just for nostalgia. I love their songs, especially Dolores' voice and singing style. 

Among all the deaths in recent times, the death of Dolores feels like a personal loss. I know nothing about her other than her songs but her death seems to tell me that my own end is near.

Carpe Diem means damn that car

"How old is this car?"

"It's a 1984 model. Part of the first lot."

"It works still?"

"It uses up equal proportion of petrol and resolve to work."

"Resolve?"

"Yes, resolve! Mine!"

"I don't understand."

"I meditate for a few minutes prior to getting into the car to build my resolve. If I am having a bad day, the meditation does not help. On such days, I leave the car wherever it is and hail an auto or taxi. No one bothers to even touch this car and so it is safe. Sometimes, it ends up being a profitable affair. The benevolent in this city, stick in money under the wiper."

"If its that bad, why don't you sell it."

"Oh! That bloody mechanic of mine is responsible for my not selling it."

"How?"

"Every time I decide to sell the and take it for a final overhaul, he throws a spanner in the works."

"How so?"

"He seems to read my intent and starts reeling off praises about the car. 'Oh! What a beautiful car. The engine is the best. They don't make engine like this anymore. It can continue working like this for a century. The suspensions were designed to be used during landing of planes. Same technology sir! You can even run it down a hill and the suspension will not have problems. Beautiful car sir. You are lucky to have it. Don't ever sell it sir.' That bloody fellow says it with such conviction that I actually end up kissing the car soon after the service. Not the mature forehead type of kiss; a full blown passionate kiss. You know what's worse? These days I can feel it responding too."

"You are making love to a car?"

"Seems so."

Easy are observations

The signal turned red and the traffic came to a standstill. I took a closer look at the message hanging on the rear glass of the car in front. As in many other cases, I expected it to say 

"Baby inside" 

or 

"Crooked Street" 

or 

"My son studies in Pennsylvania University". 

I was wrong; it simply said 

"I don't brake for anyone"

I was flummoxed (Damn! Where did that word come from?). I have been driving for sometime and have seen a number of ridiculous signs but nothing like this. I couldn't figure out what it meant. Was there an inner or double meaning in there? Should I replace "brake" with "break"? I sifted through all the options in my head but nothing made sense. I came to the conclusion it's a "I feel the need for speed" type of statement.

The signal turned green and the vehicles started moving. But the "don't brake" car in front stood still. Since I have taken the vow of being a polite driver, I waited for 10 seconds. Nothing happened; I gave the fellow a short honk (a short honk is defined as a honk that lasts less than a second). Nothing happened; I gave him a not-so-short honk (not-so-short honk is defined as a honk that lasts less than 4 second). Nothing happened; I starting grinding my teeth and froth started collecting at the edges on my lips. I gave a hell-of-a-honk (hell-of-a-honk is defined as a honk that consists of a series of three blasts with each blast progressing from 3 to 6 to 9 seconds respectively). The car started moving. I twisted my steering wheel to the left and zoomed past Mr. "Don't brake".

A little later I realised the meaning of the message. The person drives so slow that air resistance was enough to stop the car. Hence he/she does not feel the need to use the brake.

*******************

On ECR, there exists a men's wear shop named "Girls are not allowed" with the first 'L'  in the shape of a girl from a James bond movie title.

*******************

Further down on ECR exists a bar and something else called dudu (Yeah, its called dudu!). They have a stylized board to announce their existence. The two d's start at middle, curve to the left prior to going down and then they curve right prior to going up. They don't stop going up till they go up for sometime. Then they stop and stand erect looking at the sky. The first 'd' is not much of an issue. It looks like a plain old 'd' but that's not the case with the second one. The first time I saw the board, I uttered a "What the...". The "dudu"seemed like someone showing all the passers-by the middle finger. Then I realized its only a "dudu".