Inception of conception

She did not hear him. He repeated his question but she did not respond still. He touched her on her shoulder and asked "Are you ok?" She looked up at him and responded "Yeah". But she still seemed lost in thought. He asked "What happened?" She responded "I was thinking..." She did not continue. He waited for a few seconds before asking "Thinking about what?" She looked at him said "Thinking that we should ..." Once again she stopped talking. Now, he was worried. He persisted "Are you ok? Should we go to a doctor?" She shook her head and said "No, no. It is just that I am not sure but I think, ehhh. I think we should start a family". He was perplexed "What do you mean?" She responded "I mean we should have a child." He looked at her without saying anything. It was now her turn to ask "Are you ok?" He said "But you did not want to have a kid for five years." She said "That's what I thought but now I feel we should start a family." He did not say anything. She asked "Do you have a problem?" He took a moment before responding "Not a problem. It's just that I did not think about it." He paused and then continued "I was wondering about the EMI and all." She said "But the EMI goes on for another 15 years. One year will not make any difference." He agreed. He sat beside her and placed his hand around her shoulders. She rested her head on his shoulder. They started at the television for some time.

She said "There's something else you should know". A look of concern appeared on his face. She looked at him and said "It's nothing to be concerned about. It's about a custom in our family." A part, only a part, of the concern he felt disappeared from his face. She hesitated before continuing "In our family, the first child should be conceived at our ancestral home." He did not understand her words properly "You mean the delivery should happen there?" She responded hesitantly "Not just the delivery but also the conception." He still did not understand clearly "What do you mean conception?" She felt annoyed "You know what I mean." He stared at her wide eyed. He said "You mean..." He could not complete the sentence. She smiled and shook her head. He wanted to say something but could only say "baaa..." She laughed and patted his cheeks. She said "Don't worry. We will plan it. I will book the train tickets for next weekend". He felt stunned "You mean you have planned it already." She laughed "Of course! Family requires planning. Haven't you heard of family planning!" They watched the television silently for some more time. 

Later, when they were having dinner, she said "I forgot to say something. Let's sleep in separate rooms from tonight." He left his hand with the food between his fingers hang in mid air as he asked "Why?" She smiled "You know! It's better to be careful." His hand with the food continued to stay midair as he protested "But..." He could say no further. The argument that it is better to be careful was too strong to be argued against. She made her already strong argument stronger by saying "We have to do everything to ensure that it happens when we are at home." She had emphasised on the word everything but thought the emphasis was not strong enough and so repeated "everything" emphatically. He shook his head and finally let his hand with the food travel to his mouth.

That night, for the first time, in their married life they slept in different rooms while staying under the same roof. It would not be entirely correct to say slept for he did not sleep much. He lay on the bed and stared in the direction of the roof for a long time. His disturbed mind randomly threw many thoughts at him 

" A child, a child, a child, hmmmm!"

"A child, a child, a girl or a boy, a child, mmmmmm"

"EMI, hospital, doctor, preschool, nursery, school, college and even then, the EMI, mmmmm"

"But who will take care of the baby when we go to work? Will my parents come or will her parents? Will she leave her job or should I leave? But can I take care of the baby? Can she? Oh god!"

"The baby has to be conceived in two days! Two days! How is that possible? This is not ... Oh god! Never mind!"

"Two days!"

"Vaccination!"

"Higher studies"

"Marriage"

In a matter of hours, he travelled across many years. Finally, his mind gave up and he went to sleep. He woke a few times in the night but he did not remember if he had similar thoughts then. Finally, the alarm went off and he got up. He did not feel very well. As he was making the coffee she appeared smiling brightly. She said "Good morning!" He responded "Good morning". She looked at him with concern and said "Didn't sleep well?" He shook his head. She said "You should not be worried. It will only make matters difficult." He waved his hand and said "Yeah! I will be ok."  She took the cup of coffee from the kitchen counter and had a sip from it. She said "By the way, I booked the train tickets for next week." He stuttered "Already but, but when did you book?" She chirped back "Last night, just before I went to sleep." He sat down with his cup of coffee and said "Oh". 

He remained gloomy and tense for the next few days. She tried to pep him up and he tried his best to pep up but his mind was clogged with too many worries to actually pep up. As the weekend approached his worry turned from the distant future to the near future. The night before the night of departure he asked "Does your parents know about this?" She asked "You mean our trying to conceive?"  He said "Yes". She responded "Of course, everyone knows." His eyes went wide and he asked "What do you mean everybody?" She responded "I mean everyone. There will be a pooja and feast day after tomorrow. Everyone will be there." He stopped sipping his coffee "Pooja? What pooja?" She explained "You see! Usually, the first night will be the first night of attempted conception and the pooja happens with the marriage ceremony itself. But now things have changed and the pooja is conducted separately." He remained silent for some time. He looked at the ant strolling carefreely towards the edge of the kitchen counter. He asked "So everyone knows." She replied impatiently "Will you stop this. We have been married for four years. So everyone knows anyway." He asked stupidly "Even the children." She walked over to him, held his shoulders and said "Even the children. These days the children know a lot more than they should. Hopefully they don't know all the details but one never knows these days." He got up and hugged her. He said with a sheepish smile "Well! I am embarrassed." She smiled and said "Don't be else we will have to make more trips."  He asked "Will there be pooja every time?" She laughed "No, no, only the first time. But please, let us hope we don't have to make more trips"

He spent the next 48 hours wondering about the pooja and the embarrassment of facing the uncles, aunts and cousins. Just before they left to the station, she kissed him and said 'Don't worry. It will be fine. This is the beginning of a new chapter in our life." The thought comforted him and he slept well that night in the train. The next morning, when they got down at the station, they found many members of her family at the station. Her younger brothers walked up to them with garlands in their respective hands. After they were garlanded every member of the family on the station congratulated them. All his forebodings about the day came back to him in a rush. He looked at her. She was happily laughing and chatting with her relatives. She held his hand firmly in her's as though she did not want him to run away. Sure enough the thought had crossed his mind but he was not sure where he would run away to. So he stood amidst her relatives with a smile forced on to his lips.

There was many more relative waiting in front of her house to welcome the two of them. They all hugged and patted them as they walked into the house. He was shocked to see the number of people who were present there. Soon, they were ushered into their room. They had an hour to get ready for the pooja. When they were inside the room, he asked her "Why are there so many people?" She responded "This will be the first child of the new generation in our family like I was the first in my generation. They are all excited." He remained silent for some time before asking "Will they stay the whole time?" She held his hand "Stop thinking so much. You are giving this too much importance to all this. This is just a process like eating or taking bath." He did not understand the comparison but he let it pass. As she had mentioned he had to stop thinking about this situation. 

An hour later, the pooja started. It involved priest, fire, smoke, ghee, sprinkling of water, chanting of holy mantras and explanation of the mantras. These explanations were unlike any that he had heard earlier. They provided graphic details of the intimate interactions between the various gods and their respective goddesses. The adults giggled and relished the explanation, which further fuelled the graphicness in the priest's explanations. The adults had driven away the children who were actually relieved to be away from the smoke, fire and the boring chants. The two people responsible for this fantastic event, kept their heads down and looked at the fire and embers intently. She had a shy smile on her face. The expressions on his face could not be read clearly. An hour and half later the pooja ended with the priest announcing "The time between 2:27 and 2:52 is good." Her mother inquired "That late in the night?" The priest responded "PM not AM; afternoon not night." He looked at her bewildered. She did not look at him. Her mother said "Oh! There is not much time. Let us arrange for the lunch." 

The lunch was sumptuous but the couple sat separately and were only provided limited amount of food. One of her aunts said "Too much of food will make you sleepy. Then nothing will happen. Have a lot of payasam. The combination of jaggery and ghee in the payasam is good for both of you." The other aunts giggled and agreed. Once again, the two of them kept their heads down and ate the food. At 1:45 pm, her father, uncles and brothers guided him to the room designated for them that afternoon. Her father explained "This room is considered special. It is only used for the first nights in our family. Though, in your case, it is not the first night, this is technically your first night." Every one laughed except him. Her father opened the door and said "As per our customs only the couple can enter the room. Please go in." As he walked in her brothers said in unison "Wish you all the very best". One of her uncles chipped in with "Do well." They closed the door. He stood in the empty room and looked at the bed decked in flowers. The decorations on the bed made it seem like a tulip field in Netherlands. At the centre of the bed was the shape of a heart with an arrow piercing it through the middle. He did not feel like sitting on the bed. He sat on a chair and stared at the shape of heart at the centre of the bed.

At 2:00 pm, the door opened and she walked in holding a glass of milk in her hand. She wore a silk saree and was decked in jewellery. She held a glass of milk in her hands. He had not seen her like this since the day of their marriage. She looked at him stare at her with his mouth open wide. She said "Don't look at me like this." He responded "But we have been married for four years now." She said "But for them this is our first night together. In a sense it is, isn't it? It is a new beginning." He corrected her "This is not first night. This is first afternoon." She corrected him "Technically, it is not the first afternoon either." She walked up to him, gave him the glass of milk and said "Don't drink it all. I get the bottom half of it." He looked at her incredulously and said "Seriously! Like in the movies!" She responded "Movies are based on life. It is an aphrodisiac." He refuted "Milk is not an aphrodisiac." She corrected "It's not just milk, they have mixed some powder in it." He said "Hope it does not knock us out. On second thoughts, hope it knocks us out." He drank half of the contents in the glass and gave the glass to her. She finished it and said "That's all! It's as simple as that." At that moment, they heard her mother's voice from outside the door "Don't waste time. Start, start." He looked at her shocked and whispered "Are they listening?" She laughed and said "They are only there to ensure that we start. Come on!"

Later, when they walked into the living room, they found the whole family was assembled there.  Everyone looked at the expectantly. It seemed that they expected the child to pop out of her immediately. Her mother asked "So, did it go well?" She shook her head in affirmation. Everyone clapped their hands and congratulated each other and the couple. One of her aunts said "You should try again tonight. Hope the two of you have enough energy left."  Another aunt said "Don't tire yourself now. Rest well. Sit down, sit down." For the remaining part of the day and the next day too people advised them to relax and to save their energies for the process of creation of the first member of the next generation of the family. From time to time, they talked about the future and discussed about the child's gender.

"It will be a girl."

"No, no, it is better for the first child of the generation is a boy."

"No, it has to be a girl. Remember our grandmother and what she said about her mother."

"That is correct. Look at this generation itself. This girl has been so good for our family."

"True, true, it has to be a girl." 

In the middle of this discussion, the couple sat wondering what control they had to guarantee the sex of the child. That night and the next afternoon, the couple were ceremoniously taken to their room by the men and women of the family. The next evening as they got into the train, her mother held her hands and said "Take care of yourself. We will be waiting for the news."

A few weeks later, she walked out of the bathroom looking glum. She sat beside him and rested her head on his shoulders. He looked at her and asked "What happened?" A tear made its way down her left cheek. She said "My period started." He closed the laptop and placed his head on her's. They sat in this manner for some time before she wiped the tears away and said "Let us go out for dinner tonight." He agreed. That night she said "I have booked the tickets to go home." He looked at her shocked. She reassured him by saying "Don't worry! This time there will be no pooja or flower decked bed." He continued "But all the people and the half glass of milk will still be there, right?" She smiled. 

This time the crowd of relatives at her house was lesser in number and in the display of enthusiasm. Many comforted them by saying "It's ok", "It's all in god's hands", "The time has not come yet, that is all", "Don't lose hope. Keep trying." He was reminded of the time when he could not get though the JEE exams. This time, there was less fanfare though. Only her father and one of her uncles escorted him to the room. She was accompanied by her mother and a few of her aunts. Later when they walked out of the room, they were met with anxious faces. Her mother asked "All ok?" She responded "Yes, yes." Her mother said "Good, good." 

A few days later, he heard her curse and shout "Not again" from inside the bathroom. When she walked out with her wet eyes he said "I have booked the tickets." She sat next to him and placed her head on his shoulder. 

Four and a half months later, when they got off the train, they saw their father standing at some distance. They walked towards him. When they got into the car, her father said. " Dilli mama is here." She said "Oh no! Not him".

"What happened? Who is Dilli mama?"

"He is a pain. He is a creep. He is a painful creep. He is a creepy painful oaf."

"Shush. He is your uncle."

"He is not my uncle. He is your brother."

"But you called him mama."

"You don't know anything about him. So you don't put your head into this. Appa, please stop for tea. I have to talk to him."

At the restaurant, she explained "This fellow ran away from home when he was sixteen. Please don't ask 'why'. No one in the family wants to remember. Everyone was relieved and no one searched for him. He remained lost for thirty years. But a few months before our marriage he landed at our doorstep. We refused to believe that it was him but he had not changed much both in appearance and character. So we did not have a choice but to accept him." He interjected "His name is Dilli?" She responded "No, his name is not 'Dilli'. He stays at Delhi these days and so we call him Dilli." He asked "So what is his name?" She could not hide her frustration when she responded "It does not matter. You keep away from him. You don't have to know his name. You just don't talk to him. He is a creep..." Her father interrupted her "But there is a problem." She looked at her father worried. He continued "He wants to take mapillai out for breakfast." The mapillai said "Me?" The father shook his head and said "I don't know how to say this but you have to be warned. He has fathered four children, legally that is. He considers himself to be an expert in the art of making children. Unfortunately, your grandmother informed him everything that about you two and he wants to educate you." She hit her head with her palm "Oh no! We are going back now. Let us take a break. We will come back next month." But his interest was piqued and he said "No, no. We should not turn back now." She looked at him annoyed and said "Oh! So now you have become interested, is it? You want to learn the art of making babies, is it?" He said "No, it's not that. We have to do what we have to do. We can't be put it off due to such small problems. Don't worry, I will handle it."

As soon as they reached home, they saw Dilli mama standing by the gate. He hugged them and said "Chella kutti, mappillai, it is so good to see you two. Your grandmother told me all your problems. Don't worry I can help you. Let us go out for breakfast. You have a quick bath and come back here, OK?" She looked at both of them worried but he responded "Sure mama!" 

A few hours later, the two of them came back to the house. Dilli mama had his arms around his mapillai's shoulders. As the two parted, he mentioned "So mappillai, remember everything I said. You will be a father within ten months." He left the mama at the hall and walked into the bedroom. He saw her sitting on the bed. She asked "So what happened?" He sat down beside her and said "You mama is a pro. My god. I don't know what to say." 

"Oh god! What did he do?"

"What! He did not do anything. He only talked. But, my god, he talked."

"What did he say?"

"Please! I can't tell you. When I was in the hostel during my college days, two fellows decided to write a porno story. They made is so graphic that we could not stay in the room for more than fifteen minutes. The last two hours was even more graphic than that."

"And you stayed and listened to it all."

"What choice did I have? He is your uncle and a powerful uncle at that."

"So what did he say?"

"Forget it! I am not telling you."

"Listen! I don't know what he told you but you are not trying all that out on me, ok?"

He laughed and said "I can't, even if I wanted to. I am human after all."