A lonely night

Darkness stared back at me
At times, with eyes open
Glaring at me menacingly
I did not notice it
And I continued to drive

Beyond my headlights
Behind my tail lamps
On my left and my right
Horizon closed in stealthily
I ignored it and continued to drive

Out of the dark
With growing desperation
Lights flashed incessantly
My tear laden eyes
Did not notice as I continued to drive

Annoyed by my indifference
Darkness blinked at me vigorously
Bright eyes blinding my eyes'
I did not care for anything bright
For I cried as I continued to drive

Kilometer per hour screamed
I am only at sixty
Rotations per minutes
Sighed a happy two
I heard nothing and continued to drive

Sea not too far to my left
See land stretched to my right
Do I choose to hear the depths beckon
Or is it the call of the plains unseen?
I chose neither and continued to drive

A popular holiday destination
Then a cult location
Now a desperate cliché
Not of any interest for me
In thought I continued to drive

Many miles south
Depths await my arrival
With wide open arms
Hugs and love are not for me
In my loneliness I continued to drive

A destinationless travel
Started looking for a destination
Sorrow gave way to life
Life dragged in tiredness
My head needed rest, yet I continued to drive

My ears, on verge of tearing
Fu Manchu screaming out
King of the road says
You move too slow
I did not care and so I continued to drive

Mind lost in search of a stop
Mists of a destination formed
Not a land of happy or sad
Just a land to go to
I turned around and continued to drive

Darkness slept unevenly
Blinking now and then
Attempting unsuccessfully
To smother me with brightness
Through my shield of sorrow as I continued to drive

Tears did not last much longer
Seeping in, they reached my heart
Heaviness of heart I bore
Heaviness of eyes I could not
I rested a bit as I wanted to continue to drive

Darkness receded
To give way to light and movement
Abodes and shops; some off others on
I stopped by a small shop
A cup of tea before I continued to drive

Many lives surround me
Few seen, others hidden away
Fu Manchu does not realize
My existence and drive are pointless
Yet I continue to drive

Left follows right
Right follows right
Left follows left
Right follows left
No where to go, yet I continue to drive

Tiredness kicks sadness away
Needed a place to rest
Many homes to go to
Yet no place to sleep tonight
I yearn for rest as I continue to drive

A board beckons
It seemed just right
I have a home
Only for tonight
I turned left and ended my drive

Football talk

The five year old did not fit into the crowd of twelve year old children. That did not break down his spirit. He was ready to be a part of anything and everything the elder ones were involved in. The twelves tried to shoo him away but of no avail. He was not one of those who understood the word "No". So they had to let him be a part of their football game. As in everything else, he put his heart and soul into the game. The little one was pushed and shoved around but he was back on his in no time. He was visibly tired by the time the game ended and plopped on the floor. One of the adults walked up to him, patted him on his head and said "You played very well." He looked up disappointed and said "No way, I did not score any goal. At home, I score many goal. Once I scored a hat-trick". "Oh, is that so! Do you play with your brother at home?" "No, no. Not with him. I play alone" came the confident response in a pat.

The ten commandments of WhatsApp groups

I find it hard to believe that we live in 2018. The 21st century is 18 years old and thankfully we don't have flying cars. That's right, I said thankfully not by mistake. WhatsApp is a popular social application used by millions. These millions poke and peek through this window at most times during their day. Yet most of these millions have no idea how to deal with the simple concept of WhatsApp groups. How can people who have no idea of using the concept of WhatsApp groups deal with flying cars? They will fill our skies with so many fireballs that meteors will shy away from from our planet worrying their safety. 

I hear you say "Come on! Being a part of WhatsApp groups does not require rocket science!" Before I respond to your uncalled for comment, I have to warn you on the usage of the phrase "rocket science". One cannot use it in a frivolous manner. This phrase has been created to be used exclusively in corporate review meetings. One cannot even think of this phrase outside these meetings. So use it with care and show some respect. 

WhatsApp groups per-se is not a complicated concept. As a matter of fact, even a two year old can create this group and send a goo-goo-gaa-gaa message every morning. But this does not make the group an effective WhatsApp group and if your group is not effective, it will disappear from the face of this what-a-planet in a matter of days. Unfortunately, most people treat WhatsApp groups like the above mentioned two year old. They are not aware of the commandments that govern a WhatsApp group. Any group that does not follow these commandments will be smoked out of existence. Unfortunately, these commandments are either lost or are hidden from the common public by a selfish few. But you don't have to fret in agony at this inaccessibility. I am here to save the day. After in-depth analysis of many groups and messages I have managed to decipher some of these commandments. I am sure I don't have them all but if your WhatsApp group follows these ten commandments, there is an 80% chance of its survival. So listen carefully.

1. Thou shalt change the name of the group every two months: I remember a group named "Friends Forever". This was a healthy group that exchanged a minimum of ten messages every day. One day, inexplicably, the group admin exited and the group just fell apart. There were no symptoms; the group had a cardiac arrest. The post-mortem revealed that the members of the group had no bothered to change their name for a year and hence it drowned in the waters of chihuahua. Studies have revealed that groups that change their name once every 10 weeks have a 67% chance of survival.

2. Thou shalt change the profile picture every month: Similar to the above commandment but deadlier. Groups tend to lose members at the rate of one per week if they don't follow this commandment. The digital profile is usually treated with cynicism by many but it is a make or break in the social world. So treat it with respect.

3. Eight is a holy number: Groups should avoid sending less than eight messages a day. I don't mean eight messages as an average but every day. Worse, if they send exactly eight messages for more than eight days a month, the group will cease to be alive within the next eight weeks. Be warned!

4. Respond with respect: The DNA of a group is encoded in the messages exchanged between its members. Hence messages demand the utmost respect from the group members. A message should be responded with appropriate respect within a stipulated amount of time. My analysis has brought to light the existence of a few message response rules. 

A forward message should be responded with a set of emojis of the appropriate kind or a series of forward message. For example, if a person sends a funny forward, you could respond with one of the laughing emojis or send back a few funny forwards. The word to note here is forward; a forward cannot be responded to in your own words. So avoid those "Good one"s and "That was funny"s. Such responses to forwards have known to harm the group in the long run.

5. Originality must be appreciated: A group should not only consist of forwarded messages. Each member should send a non-forwarded message once every four and a half days. This message should belong to one of the following categories. It could be an announcement of an event in your life. I frequently receive stimulating messages like "happy to inform that I have been chosen the best employee under five feet six in my office this month". Such messages should receive congratulatory responses from 94.5% of the members in the group within the next hour. The responses should be a combination of congratulatory words and emojis. Though messages with hand clap and bouquet emojis need not add any words.

The second category of messages demands a commandment for itself

6. Spread the message of life: The second type of message is inspirational in nature and should be based on the member's personal experiences. Such messages are important for the survival of the group. I have known many groups that have folded up by ignoring this commandment. Once I was nearly responsible, for the folding up of a group. I had not sent an inspirational message for more than a week. I had less than five minutes, when the song "Islands in the stream" started playing. I took out my mobile and started typing immediately. Time was running out and my fingers spiraled into nervous shivers. But I managed to the send out following message with 10 seconds to spare.

You attain equanimity when life consists of island of disturbances and not islands of peace.

I am not sure what it means but I was thrilled to use the words island and equanimity in a single sentence (in case you haven't noticed, I have used island twice). I waited with bated breath. This commandment demands at least one adulatory response within the first five minutes. At the end of the fourth minute, the phone buzzed and I found a response that said "Very true" with the thumbs up emoji. The group was saved at the nick of the time. Incidentally, the response to such messages can never be a criticism.

7. Never, ever analyse an adulatory response: This one is a killer. I have seen nearly 10 groups breathe their last due to the breaking of this commandment. As a matter of fact, in the above case, I analysed the response "Very true" and as a result the group collapsed within the next month. 

8. Exercise makes one live longer: Most of the above rules are not applicable to groups that share their exercise routine and details. If more than six members of the group post an exercise related message every morning, the group will live forever. "Feel fresh after the 10 km run. More to come", "Beach volleyball is the best", "A coffee before a game of cricket. What more can life offer!", "Butter roast dosa after an invigorating run". This list is never ending. A photograph of the dosa or the coffee cups is definitely an added advantage. But care should be taken that no faces appear in such photographs. One group published a photo of the people holding the cup of coffee against their face and to make matters worse, one of the fellows had his ugly tongue out. By the evening, 75% of the members left the group. 

9. There is a time for clarity; there is a time for complexity: While crisp and clear messages are very important for a group, a group should resort to complex and indecipherable messages when its survival is in question. I remember a group that was losing people like trees in a cyclone and then the admin sent the following message.

The point of the matter is that I get angry when I am told about matters I already know. But the problem in this matter is that I am not sure what I know and what I don't. So when someone tells me something, I start wondering if I already know it. I think hard but of no avail and this leads me to anger. Hence it is important one does not think much and as a result become angry

In the past year, the group's membership has tripled.

10. Keep the old messages alive: Every month, you should send a message that you have sent six months earlier. It is said that the disappearance of a message could result in the closure of WhatsApp. By messages, I mean forwarded messages. In 2016, a 16 year old went missing from Chennai. Messages regarding this missing boy reached a remote town of Alaska in mid-2017.  The boy reached home within six hours of his being missed (he had slept under a tree in a park). Nearly two years later, I received the missing boy's message in a group. It was sent by the boy's father. I called him up and asked him about his boy's whereabouts. He responded that he was inside the American embassy waiting for his visa interview. I was perplexed and enquired about the message he had sent. His response was as follows "Oh! Was that him? No wonder the picture looked familiar. I got it in one of the groups and forwarded it to our group. Did not realize it was him." One has to keep the spirit of never letting a message die alive.

These ten commandments are as important in today's world as Mel Brooks' were in those days. Many wake up in the morning to check their WhatsApp groups and all of us are responsible for the well being of these folks.

Points of view

Up here, the nights are never quiet. This went against expectation but none were disappointed. The noisiness was quite unlike anything usually heard in cities. A constant chatter between little creatures about their travails in life. Everyone listened intently but could not understand a word of conversation. They could not even identify one voice from another let alone the words. Worse, they did not even understand the direction from which the chatter came from. So they sat silently and listened to the wordless chatter. At regular interval, a series of hoots would emanate from above their heads. It was almost a regular night for the residents of that location. Yeah! I said almost. They had the human presence in their midst. Though they had spent the last thirty minutes in silence, they were at our usual noisy best prior to that. They brought in another disturbance to their everyday lives by building a campfire. The crackling sound, the heat and the bright orange light from the fire seemed to add to the beauty of the place, that is, from their point of view. But the residents did not think so; they were probably covering their eyes with their forelegs and cribbing on this unfair intrusion.

I sat against a tree under and watched him. He was close to the fire and his face flared up and down with it. He was looking around from person to person with a smile on his face. No one seemed to notice; the dancing flames seemed to have hypnotized everyone and they found it difficult to break out of their respective states of trance. But he did not look at the fire. He was eagerly trying to catch anyone's attention. I felt a pang of sadness for him. He had this constant hunger to be the center of attraction. He had to be the life of every party. He had to be the one with the best stories, best jokes, best one-liners, ... He basically wanted to be the best person anyone could wish to have around him/her. I am not saying he was terrible at these. On the contrary, his stories, jokes and one-liners were very good. His story-telling technique captured everyone's interest. The problem was that he was relentless. He had to be loved by all. No, not loved! He had to be adored by all. No, not even adored! He had to be worshiped by all. Instead, all he received was scorn and mockery. Everyone found him pushy and tried their best to avoid him. But he did not give up neither did he get angry. He tried harder and that worsened his position. I felt sad at this situation and looked him with pity. But I have no idea what he felt. He just moved from one ridiculous situation to another.

"Why are you all so quiet? It seems like a funeral gathering. Wake up, boys and girls. Its time for a story."

"We came here to get some peace. So please spare us from your spook stories."

"Spook stories! No way; this one's a love story. It is a true story and I recount it to you as my friend did to me.

I am not quite sure when she joined the organization. One day, she moved into the cubicle behind mine. Initially, she would not even smile at me or anyone else for that matter. She would avert her eyes away from me whenever I crossed her path. So you could imagine my shock when, a few days later, she pat me on my back and said "Good morning mister". I turned around and stared at her smiling face for a few seconds and then found the voice to return her good morning. Since then, we started interacting with each other regularly. As time passed, most in the office realized that she was not the quiet person she seemed during the initial days. She was boisterous. When she talked everyone in office heard it. When she laughed everyone in the office laughed. She loved to shock people by slapping them on their backs. The strength of the slap usually indicated her liking for that person. 

She was liked by all and everyone liked her. Eh! I mean, she liked everyone and everyone was liked by her. No! That's not right either. She liked everyone and everyone liked her. Ah! Right! She brought life into the office and all of us loved the time we spent there. It goes without saying that every man in the office was in love with her. One of the fellows, confessed his passionate love for her to his friends. His friends called her immediately and made a joke out his passion for her. She did not laugh and sympathy oozed out of her eyes. The poor fellow left with tears in his eyes. She remonstrated his friends for their heartlessness. For the next few days, things sobered down in the office. She avoided slapping anyone of their back. She did not talk much. Now, the men exuded the charm of wilted grass. The office turned graver than the days before her arrival.

The Navaratri festival brought back some of the lost vigour. The office turned colourful. She was back to her effervescent best and smiles flashed all around. The Dandiya was arranged on the terrace and people swirled around clashing sticks to loud songs. All the twirling and clashing sticks had made me tired and thirsty. I went down to the office to have a swig of water. As I entered the office, I saw her and the quietest fellow in office who loved to sit in his corner and stare at the screen or out of the window, standing face-to-face. They did not notice my arrival but continued to maintain their stance. 

'How long do we maintain this pose?'

'I don't know'

'Don't you feel like moving in a little'

'No, humans cannot move any closer to Gods'

'But Gods can move closer to humans. What would happen then?'

I could not control my tongue and blurted out at that moment 'That would be disastrous. The world is already struggling to with the likes of Percy Jackson'.

They turned around and looked at me. Their expressions had a combination shock and disgust. Her stare, in particular, bore right into the my soul. She stomped off through the door and was never seen in the office again. None of us could ever determine what happened to her; the damned HR fellow maintains is so obsessed with confidentiality that he will not utter a word about her. Was she offended by what I said? Did she not come back to office due to that trivial comment? That sounds silly. I don't understand why she should be upset by my innocent statement. In fact, I thought it was funny."

He stopped talking and looked around; a proud smile adorned his face. The people around were staring at him. Some had their mouth opened in astonishment. As I said earlier, the fellow was a good story teller and so everyone was immersed in the story. But the ending had annoyed them. They protested in quick succession "that's it!", "but where the hell is the romance!" "this is more horrifying than your horror stories", "how will we sleep through the night" and it went on. He listened to all these with a smile. From time to time, he let out a syllable or two but the torrents of comments did not allow them to become words. By this time, the little creatures in the area had directed their attention to them. They started protesting vehemently. They were unable to hear each other due to the commotion caused. They unleashed their ultimate weapons on the humans; their blood thirsty flying warriors who were efficient in their attack. All the noise makers ran for their lives. He stayed on though. The smile was off his face for the first time that evening. He looked at the dying flames listlessly. A tear drop formed in the corner of his left eye. Soon tears were flowing down both his cheeks. He did not try to wipe away the tears.

The march of the idlis

A breakfast get-together

We seek your help to get there
As we are en-route for you
Do pick us up too

Affirmative response with a chide
An emoji with eyes rolled up
We are offended,
Deeply and truly
We don't need wheels

For we have our feet
We don't need favours

For we have our vigour
On our feet with vigour, we march

With "The March of the Idlis" on our lips

Like Gandhi marched to Dandi
We march to Idli
Like Napolean stormed into Russia
We tear into bits our Dosa
Like Columbus discovered America
We discover in our Sambhar, Kathrika
Like Alexander forced Darius to flee
We force in our filter Coffee
Like Vasco Da Gama aimed for Goa
We place our aim on Vada
Like Marco Polo's love for the Pandyan's bangle
We love our Ghee and Pongal
Like Moses going up the Mountain
We go up to Murugan

We don't need favours

For we have our vigour

On our feet with vigour we march

With "The March of the Idlis" on our lips