Chayyakadakarante chaya kollilla...

For long, I liked the party - from the time I started voting. A friend of mine had convinced me that this is the only party that can administer India. I vouched for them and their sassy leader. While the world looked down at the party, its leader and anyone who uttered a good word about them, I supported the party. They seemed to have a set of administrators who were surrounded by many morons. But I only cared about the administrators and ignored the rambling idiots.

At some point of time, a suspicion sneaked in. These fellows seem to be pushing their culture and language on others across the country. We seem to be treated as second class citizens. But I ignored it. Then floods struck the southern most state in the country and the suspicion solidified. The fellows of the party did not give the required amount of funds for the state to recuperate. They did not provide subsidy on the rice and petrol they supplied. They also tried to hinder the flow of money into the state by invoking archaic rules. 

To top it, the morons who populate the northern parts of the country called the marooned people names. "Unpatriotic", "Shameless" and "Petty". As the saying goes "there are no good people, only bad people with some good exist". How true! It is time, I revoked my decades old allegiance from this chauvinistic party and their pathetic supporters. They are better than all the other politicians in the country but that is not good enough to support them. 

I can hear the people of the southern state singing

Chayakkadakkara…

Ninte Chaayelu Madhuramilla

Vellathinu Choodumilla..

Chaayapodi Theereyilla…

Panjasaara Leshamilla

Kaa Paisa Njaan Tharilla

Chayakkadakkara…

Ninte Chaayelu Madhuramilla

Derisive thoughts

Many a lives have been wasted in serious thoughts. One of Socrates' lesser known students had said "Thoughts from the higher echelons of one's intellect ironically tend to cloud the intellect by bloating one's ego. Thus blinded one loses sight of the world and believes self to be the centre of the world. This folly is the reason for all misery in life. On the other hand, the lowest depths of the intellect contains such deplorable thoughts that one ends up believing the world and self to be objects worth mocking and thus fills life with mirth, which is the only joy of life." Socrates and Plato were outraged by this utterance. They seem to have ensured that nothing is heard about the utterer. Only one reference exists to the utterer and his utterance in an obscure Egyptian stele in which he is referred to as the "fool by the pool".

Two millennia later, I came across this statement and took it to heart. Here are some thoughts and incidents from the very depths of human intellect. This is my tribute to the "fool by the pool".

When you look for fool proof method, you will prove to be a fool

I think this is a profound thought but there is a good chance I am wrong. I have seen many lives wasted as they wandered in search of perfection or a fool proof method. It is much better to go ahead with whatever we know rather than look for fool proof-ness. By the time, we find the it, its too late.

Romba Sunday potta, seekrum Monday podavendirikkum

I am not sure what can be said about this one. If you understand it, let me know.

Everyone was surprised by the middle aged spinster's profound writing on love. But who says a spinster has not or cannot love. But this thought led me to the question - Is it a coincidence that Kadal and Kadulapoo sound similar?

She did not like having chayya at the chayya kada; instead she preferred having coffee. It was not your everyday filter coffee. She asked for more sugar than normal and yet removed some of the additional sugar as she felt it was too much. She wanted the cream of milk to be added to her coffee. She asked for the cream in Tamil and it sounded like "aid". The king of PJ was watching the scene with interest and could not contain the comment "you are like a developing nation - always asking for aid".

I have realized that issues are not created by anyone other than humans. Why do you think we do it? I believe its to discuss it for hours and walk out feeling intelligent. Apparently, issues are not like energy; they can be created from nothing but they can never be destroyed. Once a issue takes birth, it lives on forever and ever and ever. One might think it has disappeared or destroyed but they will come back when one least expects it. For example, Gandhi family, Karunandhi family and racism.

If one survive the words "I told you so" then one can save time by making one's own decisions. This thought does not belong to the realm of "fool by the pool"; it is closer to the Socratic thought, I think.  But poor wording has made it seem ridiculous.

One can project clarity in action and yet have no clarity of thought

In this case, the "whys" lie buried in the murky waters of the mind whereas the "hows" and "whats" froth up to the surface. 

Its easier for I to become we when one keep one's mouths shut

Most times, my utterances tend to offend one or the other. The opportunity for us to work together is lost forever and each of us end up being islands.

Pleasantree

The fall forced the leaves on the tree to fall. Not mine though! I had requested the fall to leave my leaves alone and the fall conceded to my request. So there I stood, fully decked amidst all those naked and ugly trees. I could hear their howls of anger and jealously as I swayed my green leaves majestically to the cold wind. While the other trees shivered in the cold, the leaves guarded me from the cold. On the whole, my pleasant life was made pleasanter by other's misery.

The cold morning dews settled on my leaves. Many tiny rainbows danced around the leaves as the sunlight streamed through the dew drops. The light reflecting from the dew drops sparkled. I felt rich for I was decked in jewelery containing hundreds of diamonds. I turned around and looked at my fellow wretched trees. They were staring at me with anger in their eyes. I smiled benevolently but they held bit their lips malevolently. On the whole, my pleasant life was made pleasanter by other's misery.

The animals ignored me except for those wretched creatures called dogs. To those dirty creatures my trunk seemed like a public toilet. I could not stand the stink. If it had not been my trunk, I would have cut it and thrown away long back. This had to be stopped and so I though a little. Then, I thought some more and finally I thought a lot more. I got it! The dogs were usually brought in leashes by humans. If I could keep those pesky two legged creatures away from me, the maligning of my trunk by the d for disgusting dogs will stop too. So every time the humans came in, I bent backwards a little and let myself go. The dew drops jumped from my leaves and rained on the humans. It was quite a sight! The humans did not like the water raining on them and ran away screaming. After the first few days, the humans got the message. They and their dogs avoided coming anywhere close to me. On the whole, my pleasant life was made pleasanter by other's misery.

No confidence motion

I took birth in an intelligent family. There are a couple of uncles on my mother's side who had studied in premier institutes in the country - the ones that display their egos upfront. I was the first of my generation in the family and hence felt the necessity to take over the torch from my uncles and carry it with me. Besides, I am talking about the 80's here. The 80's and 90's was an era when education and only education was the way ahead. So though there was no obvious pressure I, like many of my generation, felt the pressure.

For a brief period, in my early days, I was the proud recipient of ranks in single digit. Of course, I was not really proud of it because I thought I was expected to get it. But as time passed, the schools and classes got bigger. Getting ranks in single digits became a challenge in classes with 60 students. I comfortably settled in the vicinity of the average ranker.  My luck changed, a bit, when I got back to a small school and was ranked second in the school in the tenth board exams. Of course, the principal at a big school, where I sought admission, rubbed his eyes in disbelief that the marks I garnered were good enough to be a "school second". The next two years were easily the worst years of my life. The school treated me like a dog or so I felt. One teacher felt "every single student of mine with your name was a good student. Why are you like this?" I meandered through the dark woods and got out battered and bruised. 

My self esteem was licking its wounds as I entered college life. Somewhere an unrealistic expectation existed within my family and me that I would get into one of those institutes with acronyms for name.  But I could not even get into a professional course. I was heading towards a bachelor degree in science. During the first year, I tried to become a part of an elite group in the college as a part of the extra-curricular activity. It involved interviews and group discussions (GD). I failed miserably! I could not utter a word during the GD as I did not even have an inkling of the topic being discussed. That evening, I walked home crying. My self esteem and self confidence had reached its nadir.

Fortunately, I managed to scramble out of the nadir. Today, I don't really have doubts about who I am and what I can do. As confident as that sounds, it just means what it says. It does not mean I believe I can do anything and everything. It definitely does not mean I am the best or good or one of those superlatives. It just mean I have the confidence to take success and failure in my stride. Life has pushed me to do things I never imagined I will do. I have been through many uncomfortable situations. If I had a choice, I would not have ventured anywhere close to these situations. Many a times, I would taunt myself for getting into such situations. I would kick myself for having forsaken safety and embraced trouble. Much to my amazement, the troubling situation would disappear and I would look back with pride for having muddled through this unknown and at times dangerous situation. At no time, would I have felt any confidence about my getting through the situation let alone doing it well. But I would have crossed the rickety bridge with very little knowledge and confidence. This went against everything I had been advised about leadership and living in general.

The mantra of leadership is confidence. You should be confident about what you do. You should never think about the negatives. There are no ifs and buts and all such rot. I have seen many people ramble on with such ideas only to fail miserably. When their plan of action did not work, they did not have a fall back plan for that would have meant that they thought their original plan would not work and that is good for the plan cannot fail but the plan failed anyway. Why do people confuse between projecting confidence and being confident? One can be confident provided one is aware of the situation and has the skill and knowledge to deal with it. But if one does not have the skill or knowledge then one better not be confident. It is better to unsure and watch every step.

The world would not be in this pathetic state, if people are not as confident as they are.

In memory of...

I had always taken the house for granted. It had existed from the earliest days of my memory and I thought it will always exist. It is one of the most comfortable places on the planet. To top it, it was beautiful too. Not just beautiful; it was majestic. Yes, the word's majestic. We showed pictures of the house to anyone interested in seeing the pictures we showed. Everyone who saw the picture expressed awe. A couple were lucky enough to see the house too. They made the appropriate "ooohs" and "aaahs". Oh! We are proud of the house. 

The pride did not arise only from the beauty and majestic nature of the house. We were proud of the fact that the house was owned by our family for nearly a century. As time progressed, the house kept up with the developing world. Electricity was brought in with lamps and fans. Radio and television were not left behind either. Some structure changed from wood to plastic and metal. But most of the house remained the way it was built. One could almost see and feel the early occupants of the house as one walked through it.

All these thoughts were beyond me in my young age. The open hall at the front with its open structure, tiled roof and built-in wooden seats surrounding it was a place I loved to spend my time. The elders sat around a circular central table and chatted while the younger ones sat around half listening to the barely understandable family tales. From time to time, interesting snacks made its way from the kitchen. My favorites were poruvalanga and manoharam.

My brother, sisters and I used to hang around the house doing I don't remember what. Jack fruit and mango trees surrounded the house like any other Kerala house but I don't remember climbing any one of those tree or throwing stone at the fruits. I remember the star fruit tree opposite to the house though. The tangy star fruit were a delight to slurp on and we pleaded any elder in the vicinity to pluck a few fruits for us.

The house over the years hosted a number of interesting discussions in its hall. As soon as we reached home we were welcomed heartily by one of the elders of the family. At those moments, we felt important and feeling of affection rose in our hearts for every being on the planet. Many hours were spent in eating, talking and drinking tea. Those were some of the most relaxed moments of my life. One summer at the beginning of this decade, the hall became the location for a booze party. Members of the family sloshed around in alcohol singing and dancing. Those were the final moments of fun that took place in the house. Since then many who resided in and around the house have left this world.

The house lay neglected for many years. Everyone loved the place but no one had the time or inclination to do anything about. We had no ownership right over the house and so could only watch it move towards dilapidation from the sidelines. At one point, one of us decided the buy the house and thus bring it back from receding memory. But the attempt turned out to be a washout. Too many people were involved and this implied family bonds and friendships were enveloped in greed and mistrust. The deal fell through; actually it fell through even before the deal stage was reached. The bonds broken never healed completely and it took a few years for the people involved to look eye to eye.

When human beings move out, other beings move in. Many of these beings are not capable of differentiating between their abode and food. For the past few years, they have been systematically chewing up the delicious parts of the house. The structure has become weak. The people who own the place studied the situation and decided it will not stand another monsoon. So they have decided to bring down the house. The 150 year old house's end is near. Soon, it will be torn apart. The next time only a vacant and wounded piece of land will stare back at me.

As tremendous as the current monsoon is, the house has survived it. Though weak, nature has taken care not to hound this precious piece of history. Will humans do the same? I don't think so. Humans are no longer part of nature.